For a woman, how many sex partners is too many? Just Curious.

Ojisan1 · 2015-03-23T19:28:54+00:00

This may not be a popular data point, but the research suggests that zero sex partners is best, if what you're looking for is a long term, stable marriage. The stats drop off dramatically beyond zero: <10% divorce rate when it's zero sex partners before marriage, 30% divorce rate when it's 1-2 sex partners before marriage, and then the stats just get worse from there.

See chart #2 here, along with some other charts and info that provides more context: http://socialpathology.blogspot.ca/2012/03/promiscuity-data-guest-post.html

Edit: if you're a woman with a higher count than 2, I wouldn't be too discouraged. These studies look at averages, which means there are some women with higher partner counts who have successful marriages despite that. I think the fact that you are here on RPW means you have more self-awareness than the average woman, and are willing to work to overcome the cultural pressures and misinformation that would lead you to bail out of a marriage (or make your partner want to bail out).

saffronbelle · 2015-03-24T09:22:14+00:00

I'm personally a virgin (waiting until marriage), but I think the number of sex partners deemed appropriate depends on her relationship history.

If she's had two sexual partners at 26 because she's been in two LTRs that haven't worked out, then she's still going to be a great mate. It's not ideal, but like another RPW said, life happens.

I personally think any number above five is really high, but that's just me.

polkapiggy · 2015-03-23T21:45:49+00:00

I think it varies depending on circumstances. For example, take a 30 year old woman who has had ten sexual partners. When you say 10 it sounds like A LOT. But what about when you break it down?

Say partner no. 1 was a 6 month relationship when she was 16. Ends a few months later.

By 18 she has slept with 1 more guy, dating for a few months, didn't work out.

She gets to 20 and went through a bit of a party stage, having 3 one-night stands and 1 FWB.

She gets to 22 and leaves college. She starts dating a bit more seriously, goes through a 4 month relationship, then an 8 month one a while after.

She gets to 25 and realises she wants to think about marriage soon. By this point she's been in a relationship for a year, but this guy really isn't marriage material so she moves on.

She finds a nice guy, thinks maybe he's the one. Settles down for 3 years. But again, it doesn't work out. She moves on. Maybe she even has a rebound fling.

See how quickly it can add up? It's one of the reasons that young women need to be careful when considering embarking upon a sexual relationship with someone. Those numbers add up fast and even if you are in a semi-serious (under 1 year) relationship, you can go through quite a few before settling down. I don't really have much against a woman having a few sexual partners in her time providing she is safe about it and she understands the implications that it can have on future relationships. My number is very low (2) but to be honest, I would prefer it to be one!!

HannahFree · 2015-03-23T21:58:57+00:00

I think over 5 is too many.. that's 5 failed LTR's in the best case scenario; still a bad sign.

For someone new to RPW, I would say, worry less about the number you have right now. You can't change it or take it back. Also, having a "limit" in mind isn't really the right mindset either. Are you going to stick with a man forever to avoid passing that number? I didn't have great stats when I found TRP, but changing my thinking, behaviour, and attitude is what got me to a place I am very proud of (successful marriage, expecting our first child). My husband knows about every sexual encounter I've ever had, and it was really hard to tell him... and I wasn't honest about it right away, unfortunately (although everything was on the table before he proposed). Don't give up on yourself if your number sucks; most of TRP's issue with high numbers is the slutty, entitled behaviour that comes with that. If you've reached the self awareness that RPW requires, you're on the right track. Not trying to downplay the importance of sexual virtue. I'm just suggesting that, with high smv and excellent behaviour, a girl can turn from her slutty ways and become a quality woman worthy of an alpha.

To a virgin, or let's say my potential daughter (too early to tell what I'm having) I will pass on what I have learned the hard way, and stress the importance of feminine behaviour and choosy dating (if she prefers women, I won't be of much help in that area). Her father will also be a great example of the kind of man she should be looking for, which I hear comes naturally. yay

DevilishRogue · 2015-03-23T21:39:55+00:00

For an RPW type relationship the answer is the fewer the better.

mrp3anut · 2015-03-24T01:36:13+00:00

There isnt one single number that you can answer this with other than maybe zero. Even that is up for debate even among men who are discerning about who they will commit to.

Best advice is to not be a "party" girl at any point in your life, never have sex outside of a relationship that you honestly believe is going somewhere beyond just casual dating, and when you do find Mr. Forever do not ever refuse sex without a legitimate reason. Legitimate in this context means that if you think it is better to be divorced and alone forever than to have sex at that moment then it is acceptable to refuse.

johnnight · 2015-03-24T08:30:26+00:00

Look, the number depends on who is asking the question.

Case A: What number of sexual partners is good (whatever 'good' means) for the woman personally?

Case B: What number of sexual partners is acceptable for the woman's long-term partner (husband)?

Case C through Z: What number of sexual partners want other people for her to have? (her children, her parents, other members of society)

A is probably different from B is different from C. A is probably larger than B.

I guess women want number A to be somewhat higher, because they want to 'test and taste' what is on the market before they restrict themselves to one partner, hopefully the best one. (I would also put the studies on the negative consequences of a high partner count here.)

Men want the woman's number to be low, lower than B, because they do not like the idea of other men having used up 'their' woman.

I somewhat agree with the feminists that this puts women in a difficult situation. Do you satisfy your own psycho-sexual needs or do you follow other people's expectations? I would say that you do not have to make yourself the slave of other people's expectations, but it's in your interest to take them into account.

It's kind of like the job market. Employers have certain expectations for employees, like a minimal amount of years experience in a particular position. If I apply for a job, I have to take into account what other people would like me to be and not just my personal wishes. It's part of being an adult.

There is a market for wives and there is a market for husbands and those markets have certain minimal/maximal expectations. We have to accept that.

A is somewhere between 5 and 15.

Preferred B is probably 0 or 1.

C is 0 in a conservative society.

C is 100 in a feminist society.

RedPillSailor · 2015-03-26T20:45:29+00:00

the question i have for you is this: is your number of partners, and your number of committed relationships the same amount? you say you've only been with 3. if that was before you found RPW, oh well, no huge deal. 3 isn't much for any guy to GAF about

if this was AFTER you discovered RPW, you're likely not headed down an RPW path. you're probably not exercising good impulse control, and you're also giving TRP hard-liners more reasons to say "AF/BB" (as much as i observe what they mean to say, the terms are a little harsh, and very black and white, good or bad, etc..)

just explain to any guy you're into that you intend to have a very low number of partners, and as such, you only plan on "giving it up" to someone who shows you commitment. you won't get past 3 dates for a LONG time (depending on the age of guys you're dating), but when you DO get intimate, the relationship is likely worth the wait.

if the guy's down for an exclusive relationship, win-win. not even the lowest PUA will tell a guy to outright LIE about relationship intentions just to have sex. if he's not down for it, thank him for his honesty, shake hands and part ways as adults.

TL/DR: if your number of partners, and your number of committed relationships are the same guys, then your number is of no significant consequence.

JackedDaniels11 · 2015-03-27T22:20:58+00:00

I would be interested in hearing from women here. What would you think if you met a man who had had many more sex partners than you? in the 60 to 70 range?

Aine_of_knockaine · 2015-03-24T02:15:42+00:00

I think it's hard to say. The numbers don't mean anything by themselves IMO. What means something IMO is how that count became the count it became.

Were they ONS, FWBs, or LTRs? That to me is what matters.

Let's think of it this way. Girl A has had 3 partners. She is 21. She lost her virginity at 16 to a wonderful young boy she dated two years. The relationship ended and when she turned 18 had intercourse again with a young man she'd date about a year. She then had intercourse again with a young man at 20 she'd been dating. All of these were committed monogamous relationships. She was emotionally involved and invested. She used it to "express" her love for her partners. She invested in these relationships fully with the expectation that she would get out what she put in.

Girl B has had 2 partners and is 22. She lost her virginity drunk at a college party to a guy who showed her the smallest amount of interest. Then she did it again after in a similar situation with another person.

Which person actually sounds more balanced and well rounded? Which person would be more likely to carry on a healthy and successful relationship?

I also think that partner count does correspond in a lot of cases to women who do have ONS and FWB situations; however, I don't think the number is the end all be all. It's okay to be mindful of it, but it isn't the holy grail IMO.

thedude122487 · 2015-03-26T06:23:36+00:00

For me personally (26M), if she has any more than 5, it starts to make me uncomfortable...and double digits are just out of the question.

Cylindt · 2015-03-26T08:10:56+00:00

[M19] here with a bodycount of 2;

I makes me feel insecure and uncomfortable when I become aware, that the girl I've interest in has fucked more than 5 men.

Thing is, I don't want to be like this; because I believe that whoever wants to commit shouldn't be judged by their past. But I can't help it.

The more men you have in your past, the harder it becomes, but never to an extent that it will be impossible to become a couple.

[deleted] · 2015-03-26T17:38:59+00:00

It depends. I think anything in the double digits looks really bad for women. But I am also a little less judgmental if I know that there was a reason it is super high, like serious low self-esteem (by no means does it excuse it but i'm more understanding). Versus having lots of partners just for the hell of it. I think 5 and under is okay.

[deleted] · 2015-03-24T04:17:34+00:00

I think that a woman's count should be under 5. I dont care aboit a man's.

My personal "score" is 2. :-) Girls at work and even some family members are like, "but...butbut...you need to have FUN!". I do have fun. Just not their kind of fun.

Sigh. So many crabs...

nerostorm · 2015-03-25T03:19:56+00:00

I think the number of sex partners you have is completely up to you and not something other people should judge your for.

In other words, the number of sex partners that's too many, is how many any individual person deems as too many for their own sake.

[deleted] · 2015-03-23T19:27:41+00:00

That's going to vary quite a bit (not only from woman to woman, but men also have different 'acceptable thresholds'). Here's the sentiment that has always made the most sense to me:

"A woman should only accumulate a 'notch' within the context of a long-term relationship."

But even that doesn't really provide a whole lot of details, especially when some people define a 3 month relationship as 'long-term.' It really depends on not only your individual values, but also on the kind of man you are hoping to attract (religious men for example, may have more conservative ideas about 'partner count' than non-religious men).

If a woman doesn't want to create a future with a man, or at the very least stay with him for several years, then she shouldn't be in a relationship with him (and, by extension, sleeping with him). A woman that has slept with 4 men that were her long-term boyfriends (they were together for over a year at the very least) is probably going to be a 'better catch' to most LTR minded men than a woman that has 3 sexual partners that were all either FWBs or one night stands. The former has a higher count, but she has the benefit of being able to show that she knows how to participate in a long-term relationship. She also (most likely) spent time considering the person she was getting into bed with prior to doing so. The woman that's only ever had casual partners may or may not have any idea how to make a relationship work, and she also appears to be less opinionated overall about who she welcomes into her bedroom - which may count against her depending on the man she's interested in.

I've always considered sex to be something intimate, an act only to be shared with someone you trust and love - and I personally don't see how either can fully be established without both parties agreeing to (and embracing) the structure of a formal, committed relationship. If a man doesn't think that I'm 'relationship material,' after I have done my best to display my worth outside bedroom and made an effort to earn his commitment - then how can I believe him when he says it's okay to sleep together because he 'cares' about me? That kind of logic leads me to believe that such a man thinks I'm only good enough to has sex with, and not worth committing to formerly - which is a big problem.

I know there are several ladies here that have had different experiences, for example, pursuing a man that has a reputation as a 'player' means that a woman may have to simply play by his rules and hope he decides to keep her around. There's no question that such an approach is highly risky, which is why I always caution women that want a long-term relationship to pursue good men that are also interested in that kind of dynamic.

Overall a great question, and I'm interested to see what others have to say on the subject. :0)

Aerobus · 2015-03-24T01:59:46+00:00

I'm going to speak my mind. Because of how incredibly risky marriage is for men in the west, I would not marry a girl that was not a virgin.

Make your own conclusions from that.

And yes, other men are different and will have different opinions.

[deleted] · 2015-03-24T15:05:40+00:00

I wouldn't commit to a woman with 10 or more partners even if she was as beautiful as Aphrodite herself. Ideally she'd have no more than 3-5

DoctorWelch · 2015-03-24T06:25:58+00:00

My boyfriend and I started having this discussion on Saturday actually and we're going to finish it when he's back from his trip. When I was honest with him and told him my number (5), his face and demeanor visibly changed and he became very unsettled. I'm dreading the rest of the conversation. Among my friends, my number is the lowest and I never thought it would really matter and that I would be fine, but now I'm realizing it does and I'm really scared I'm going to loose this guy.

A-Promise · 2015-03-24T04:23:29+00:00

My mother's advice to me was not to share something as precious and intimate as sex with any man who I wasn't going to marry, but in my view, if I we are so in love that we know that we'll spend our lives together then we should already be married. So zero before you're married, ideally.

cxj · 2015-03-24T19:29:35+00:00

Guy here. For me personally, any single digit # does not upset me. Teens start to get eh, proceed with caution, and 20+ = disgusting, do not want to ltr.

However, i think im on the lenient side. Also, one thing to keep in mind is that the more genuinely lenient the dude is, the lower liklihood of him being what women really want in an ltr. I always laugh when i hear the most common female hamster "well if he is bothered by my partner count then hes not the kind of man I'd want anyways" when in reality the exact opposite is true, lol.

ragnarockette · 2015-03-28T14:20:19+00:00

Obviously lower is better (though I disagree with the notion that 0 is best) but I don't think having a high number means there's no hope for you and you might as well start collecting cats.

[deleted] · 2015-04-01T19:16:16+00:00

It depends on age. 10 at age 18 is a lot but 10 at 30 isn't. I'd say anything over 15 is off the table as long term prospect

[deleted] · 2015-03-23T21:50:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SoonToBeMrsHim · 2015-03-26T12:45:06+00:00

I find partner count discussions fascinating because my SO raised my count. My SO has a kink that he opened up to me about, and asked if I would try - we did it for about a year and then reevaluated after a year. I told him while I enjoy pleasing him this particular kink does not satisfy me it actually makes me less satisfied and we stopped and investigated other things. During that year my partner count grew from 3 to 5, it remains at 5 and since I'm marrying my SO I have full faith that it will stay at 5.

One thing I appreciate about RPW is that in the end it's your captain's needs that come first. Your husband may not have this kink, or allow certain behavior, but mine does - and that's what matters. There was a woman on here that said she had wild colored hair because it's what her captain enjoyed. My captain would not - but that's okay because we are here for our own captain.

DigitalCricket · 2015-03-24T22:36:57+00:00

I've had a lot of sexual partners. Like, a lot. But I've only had one in the past four years so that counts for something! I think in this day and age it's definitely best to only have sex with your husband/fiance/long-term boyfriend but the bar is set is set so low by other girls that if you're a good cook, take care of your appearance, nurturing, sweet, etc. and you regret your past then most men won't worry too much about sex number.

DoctorWelch · 2015-03-24T21:38:54+00:00

I will never marry or LTR a woman that has had more than 3 partners, and never LTR a woman who has had a ONS or fucks me too early on. 0-1 partners is going to be ideal for probably every man. 2 is okay but not ideal, and 3 is pushing it.

Now, I am not going to lie to you and say it is okay if you have more than that. Some guys who have very very high counts might not care if you have 10 partners, but a guy that only has 8 is definitely going to care.

The fact is, if you have a higher partner count than you know you probably should then all you can do is prove to your man through action that you are worthy of his commitment. It will take time and effort but eventually the guy will care less and less about the number if you prove to him through action that you are worth it. Some guys will simply ditch you because of the count and that is a reality you have to accept, and some will be more accepting of it than others.

The best thing to convince a guy that your partner count is not going to affect your ability to commit is having a genuinely fulfilling sexual relationship with him. Do your part to please your man and over time he will realize he needn't worry about the number.

LadyLumen · 2015-03-29T18:01:47+00:00

I have had sex with six different men, including the man that is now my husband. Now it is a little confusing to me, a new rpw, when I look on trp and the men for the most part don't like their women to have a high partner count, but they encourage each other to spin plates, so it confuses me, I would love some clarification from a red pill guy or rpw. My husband knows all about my life and vice versa, we have been friends forever. So I don't think a number matters at all, it's more loyalty to a relationship that matters. My husband doesn't care about how many guys I've slept with, he cares about who I'm sleeping with now (him).

Title	For a woman, how many sex partners is too many? Just Curious.
Author	LadyLumen
Upvotes	19
Comments	98
Date	March 23, 2015 6:36 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/301g3s/for_a_woman_how_many_sex_partners_is_too_many/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/for-a-woman-how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many-just.85272 https://theredarchive.com/post/85272

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