Can I attract a man with SMV while dressing goth?

FleetingWish · 2016-07-07T22:20:54+00:00

The name of your style doesn't matter, what matters is the message you convey with it. Here are some examples:

Goth 1: "I'm going to kill you in your sleep." These are the looks that are are more prone to keep men away.

Goth 2: "I like the way these clothes look, but I also care about what you think." These are the looks that will be more appealing to men.

Look 1

Look 2

Look 3

Tips: Wear clothes that flatter your body type. Avoid black lipstick and black nail polish. Wear makeup that flatters your features, rather than makes them look extreme. Do not look like a pin cushion with facial piercings. You may be able to get away with 1... 2 absolute max if they are well placed. No septum piercings, and never ever... ever use ear stretchers.

Mentathiel · 2016-07-07T20:57:34+00:00

Someone very close to me was in a similar situation at a young age with what's probably more of a punk slant than Victorian. She went from short-ish light brown hair, band t-shirts, jeans and minimal makeup to growing her hair out halfway to her butt, dying it a really dark brown (almost black), learned to do her makeup better (occasional heavy duty winged eyeliner) and started wearing dresses that are fitting for her (a lot of stuff from Hot Topic obv and black in general) with cute flats that match what she's wearing and the occasional black boots with a little bit of a heel on them. You can still very much see her expressing herself in very similar ways, but she comes across as much more feminine (and attractive tbh). She still wears her band shirts to the gym. :P

I just share this anecdote since it seemed somewhat related, but take it or leave it as you feel like it. :)

lovely1985 · 2016-07-08T01:27:07+00:00

I think it's possible but in my personal experience I think you have to keep in mind that your dating pool is SMALL. Goth, in the true sense of the style, isn't that popular anymore. Your dating pool is limited to people who find that style attractive. If you are only open to dating men who also dress goth than you are limited to men who find that style attractive, dress that way, and are attracted to you specifically.

I find that a LOT of the women I've met who are goth are goth for a reason. Bad homes, socially awkward, outcast, etc. That's not to say that there aren't awesome goth ladies running around, but I think it's true for the men too. I've certainly met a lot of fly-by-night "goth" dudes who think it's an easy way to hook up with alt-porn stars or whatever and will lump you into that category for dressing this way. It's a social scene that born from rejects who are in turn rejecting mainstream society. This is not always a great breeding ground for LTR material.

Like you, I read on TRP pretty often that women who dress like us are to be avoided. On some level I think they're right, but I'm already married and my husband LOVES wacky hair - so sometimes the advice about toning it down isn't going to apply to my relationship.

RadioactiveTentacles · 2016-07-07T20:31:52+00:00

There's people of value in every social circle. I personally, stick out in a similar way. My earlobes are stretched to 1.5 inch, and I have facial piercings, etc. I wouldn't say my clothes are goth, but there are days they could almost pass that way. My boyfriend is very similar to me. Covered in tattoos, lobes stretched to 2 inches, decent job. Your style doesn't bar you from strong relationships, just limits your choices a little bit.

houseofdrip · 2016-07-07T21:07:28+00:00

If you're in a community or generally surrounded by people where it's commonplace, I don't think you'll have any issues with finding a man because of that.

I've been lurking RPW for about 10 months and at first, I was a little overwhelmed to hear a lot of people say that it's impossible to attract a man if you have an alternative look - so, I changed my look completely for about 3 months. I dressed in all skirts and dresses, pastel colors, generally very girly - but I didn't feel like myself, you know? I put my piercings back in and started dressing like my old self (much like you, doc martens, leather, and fishnets) and it was actually easier for me to find a man!

My experience is anecdotal, though and it was easier for me to find a man by dressing alternatively because I live a very...alternative lifestyle and am surrounded by goth/punk/metal people all the time. That's the type of person I am and that's the type of person I attract, which is just fine with me.

I guess it depends. If you're looking for a man who doesn't do drugs/drink and dresses, well, 'normally', you're probably not going to find him while dressing alternatively. If you don't mind being in a relationship with an alternative man, then it shouldn't matter.

Oops, I just realized how ramble-y this is but hopefully it still makes sense. Basically, being alternative will lower your SMV to non-alternative men, while either having no effect or having a positive effect on alternative men. It depends on who you're looking to attract.

MissNissa · 2016-07-07T23:14:55+00:00

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JackGetsIt · 2016-07-08T14:21:12+00:00

Do Doc martens, leather and fishnets have too much of a masculizing effect to be pulled off as a RPW

YES.

but I've never been too much of a girly person

That doesn't mean you can't dress like one.

I'm a little worried that I'll look too silly in an overly feminine look

You may 'feel' that way but you won't look that way.

For whatever reason, I seem to also attract the attention of the hip hop lifestylers (sagging, oversized clothes, ball caps and sneakers)

That doesn't have anything to do with how you dress. These men consider themselves 'players' and are comfortable with approaching multiple women. Statistically you're just going to get hit on more by this type of guy. That type of guy also has plenty of time to be on the streets and bars because they don't work much.

since most of those men are typically low SMV to me

They are low SMV to most women.

my style and dark clothes are driving off good men.

Yes and no. Men don't get into niche's as much as women do. If you are youthful and have traditionally attractive features lots of guys from all walks will be attracted to you. The issue your dealing with is approach. You need to make high SMV men want to 'approach' you, and be comfortable approaching you. Unfortunately the goth style in general screams 'Don't approach me!' It's literally a style defined by depression, horror/gore, and embracing 'outcast' culture. I'm not hating on the style I'm just trying to tell you how it's perceived by others. I'm also not telling you to dress like a basic bitch. But the style itself communicates, don't approach.

Recipe for success:

follow the advice from other commenters who tell you to 'feminize' whatever style you like.
Go to specific places that have lots of men that you are interested in and practice showing men indicators of interest.
Don't go with a large group of women, keep it down to one or two and tell them to keep their defenses low. You will be meeting men in no time.

VigilantRedRooster · 2016-07-08T15:36:45+00:00

but I've never gotten into it for the wrong reasons. I genuinely love long lace dresses and tops and the victorian-looking stuff.

People who have gotten to know you will likely say that about you. But, if this is your 24/7 style, the one everyone forms first impressions based upon, it may act as a shield that attracts players and users of various SMV, but drives away men of high RMV/MMV.

One of the tenets of communication is, The message is *the message received.* Sure, YOU may be into victorian style for the "right" reasons, but goths have the reputation they do because most of them ARE doing it for the wrong reasons. The overwhelming majority of men who don't identify with the Goth style will see only:

Broken person, scratch and dent dating prospect
Probably has more issues than Psychology Today
Good to have casual sex with, absolutely NOT relationship material
Won't leave the house to pick up a pint of half-and-half on a Sunday morning without spending 45min on makeup- a pain in the ass to live with

According to a friend who hung around Goth clubs with her BFF when younger, beneath the edgy looking veneer (and the eyeliner and foundation) were some of the most beta, poetry-writing, sensitive manlets she ever met.

You might consider maintianing this as a part-time style, but also cultivate a more mainstream look to spend time out in public and see how it affects approaches. If you dress in a niche style always, you're limiting your prospects to a VERY tiny niche pool of serious prospects who would see you as LTR material right off the goth shelf.

HappyLollie · 2016-07-08T20:06:57+00:00

I don't know much about goth clothing as its not really my style but in regards to the last paragraph I would first take a trip to MAC they have good range of foundations and concealers for black skin that matches your undertone for example I wear NC50 because I have cool yellowish untone to relatively dark skin they also do warmer shades for more reddish undertones. Dior also do fairly nice make up for darker skin too although at over £30 a bottle their pretty pricey as I always find myself going back to MAC in terms of price and quality.

With the eyebrows choose a shape and thickness that you like some women do the whole cara delevigne (which would probably work with the Gothic Victorian lace look - like in the enchantress from the suicide squad!) thick brows or thinner brows but definitely go to your local beauty salon and get them threaded like the saying goes if eyes are the window to the soul then eyelashes and eyebrows must be the frames and curtains.

I'd personally worry about the clothes afterwards as I think the hair and face are more important aspects of femininity then clothes for the most part although I'm sure someone else would disagree with me on that.

SuperSlavisWife · 2016-07-08T21:51:31+00:00

You can attract a man with SMV dressed in tracksuits and trainers as long as they flatter your figure and you are pleasant, smart and nurturing towards him. That said, as FleetingWish said, you need to draw the line between alternative and offputting. Docs might not turn a guy off, but Marilyn Manson makeup just might...

LadyOneEarth · 2016-07-11T09:35:32+00:00

Dress like a feminine goth. Pastel hair is fine as long as it suits you and doesn't make you look cheap.

Think of a high-value man goth style. A guy that plays an instrument and has beautiful tattoos, that works out and has a job he's passionate about.

You can attract the best mate in your style of choice. Not all high value men are "regular" men.

Don't play dress up to fit the norms. Be yourself and have value. Cook cute cupcakes with bat candies and take care of yourself. Create a goth home. Look at some videos of It's black friday on youtube - she recently got married with a goth dude.

https://youtu.be/yML16cSuqW8

Title	Can I attract a man with SMV while dressing goth?
Author	artistacat
Upvotes	11
Comments	33
Date	July 7, 2016 8:13 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4rqnvy/can_i_attract_a_man_with_smv_while_dressing_goth/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/can-i-attract-a-man-with-smv-while-dressing-goth.86275 https://theredarchive.com/post/86275

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