Q4W - Women of RP, Can You Describe the Exact Benefits You Received From Virginity/Waiting to Give Sex?

Landry86 · 2017-04-18T15:57:18+00:00

Why? That was a good thread and a very important topic to discuss!!!

To answer: men just respect you for it. Real men, anyway... It's a good way to weed out the bad ones!

akanachan · 2017-04-18T23:02:19+00:00

^{Disclaimer: Redpill men turn me off, but I'm here because I find posts here very relevant to maintaining healthy LTRs.}

I was a stereotypical "catholic virgin" until my mid 20s. I kept my vaginal virginity until I was engaged, and pretty sure I wanted to marry the guy, before giving it up to him. The relationship fell apart when I realized we were very incompatible in bed lol

As for the benefits, the biggest benefit for me is:

I've never gotten pregnant :p

I don't ever want to be a mother, because I know I'm not able to raise a child properly (I grew up only knowing abuse, so I only have very vague idea of what "good parenting" is, and most of it is from movies, which is not a good source at all lol).

I've also been careful about STDs and STIs, and managed to avoid them. Educating yourself about proper protection is a lot more important than learning how to be good in bed, imo.

[deleted] · 2017-04-18T19:59:38+00:00

I waited eight months to have sex with my fiancé, because I was getting the Gardasil shot. He had been with many other women and knew he had HPV, so we decided it was important for me to get the vaccine, off label (at 27,) and wait six months to have sex. I had only had one partner before him.

The benefits of this decision were huge. While we did engage in some sexual activities, we had to spend our time getting to know each other. By the time we did have sex, it'd been six years since I'd been with my only previous partner and two years since he'd been with anyone. While I wouldn't claim it was physically mind-blowing for either of us, there was a real emotional connection. We'd truly fallen in love without sex and we'd just started discussing marriage as a hypothetical. I felt secure in our relationship, so I wasn't tempted to play games. On that note, I could also do anything with him, sexually, that I had ever wanted to try, with no risk of feeling degraded. How could I feel degraded, when I knew he loved me? Additionally, when I started to have physical problems from my birth control, I could talk to him about it, without feeling embarrassed, because we'd already reached that point in our relationship.

If things had been different, if I'd had the shot at 24, we'd have had sex earlier in our relationship, probably at two or three months. I'm not sure how I would've handled that emotionally. I felt no obligation, at any point, to stay with my fiancé, because he'd added to my number and I think that might've been an issue, otherwise.

[deleted] · 2017-04-19T01:45:43+00:00

I waited until marriage. It was a religious thing, not a RP thing.

Benefits- -absolute exhilaration with finally having sex with my husband! I can't even describe the feeling of joy and peace and giddiness that was going to our hotel room after our wedding :) -a feeling being totally loved and adored my my husband...of worthiness...essentially that I was so special to my husband that he waited five years until our wedding night -no feelings of guilt, shame, or regret about past partners -a knowledge that we were and will always be each other's only partner forever -we learned together how to have good sex (and looking back when sex wasn't as great as it is now, we didn't know any better at the time!) -a feeling of total openness and trust And vulnerability. Sex is a gift of oneself to each other and always has been -comfort and security with each other...I trust him 100% to be faithful and he does with me. there is obviously more to it than just having waited till marriage, but I do think the ability to sacrifice sex for five years definitely speaks to one's faithfulness as a spouse -no worries of STDs -sex adds to our relationship and helps us connect on a deep level but it is hardly the focus of our relationship which I think is very important especially considering there are times like in the throes of morning sickness or after childbirth where you can't have sex so you must know how to connect without it.

It's hard to know 100% what the benefits are, since I don't know anything else and haven't really compared myself with others who have had multiple sexual partners. It's mostly beneficial for our relationship, feeling-wise...than anything concrete or measurable I would say. But I have no regrets about waiting. I am so glad we did.

radioactivities9 · 2017-04-19T00:38:24+00:00

A few experiences here to illustrate my opinion...

There's a time waiting worked out terrible for me, as it was because it was not so much deliberate, but with a man doing the snake-in-the-grass ''be friends'' first thing. I was never really attracted to him and capitulated out of familiarity and some sub-par built-up attraction. We weren't sexually compatible. I didn't respect that he never was overt with his intentions. It annoys me thinking about it.

On the third date with the man I'm with, I/he suggested just going to his place. After dinner we were making out and I went to give him some head. I didn't wait for him to take off my clothes and escalate things. Then I got the best head ever in return and all the time now. Some men appreciate not having to do all 'the work' of physical seduction, it's true, and it doesn't mean they are just looking for sex. ''Waiting'' can be a cliche under some circumstances.

'Waiting' is just disingenuous for my personality and experience and I like that he's happy how it all played out too. Would be the wrong man for me if he thought less of me for my genuine attraction and eagerness for him.

Granted, my social experiences and life have left me with little naivete and a keen perception, so I don't need to wait to have sex as a tool for vetting. And that latter part is important. Did I have that ability in my early 20's? Hell no!

A woman needs to know herself well to know what her limits and boundaries are. Just following 'the rules' may not work out well. Also ask herself if she is a genuine good judge of character, intentions, or not.

tempintheeastbay · 2017-04-19T02:16:34+00:00

I've never really 'waited' very long. So flip side is, there are more than a few choices I really, really regret, that squick me out just remembering they happened :( Ladies, don't be me! Don't sleep with a guy just because you fear it'd be awkward if you didn't!

Gardrothard · 2017-04-18T21:22:55+00:00

I had sex with my ex boyfriend very early. We went on 3 dates and on the fourth one had sex. The thing is, that was after a year of almost monk life (studying all day long, rarely even hanging out with friends, no dates, no orbiters or anything similar). I guess that's why it hit me so hard.

I got so attached and fell in love like a fool. We ended up being together on and off for 3 years. At first he liked me a lot and chased after me, but then once I feel in love so much I started letting him push beyond boundaries and slowly he started to lose respect for me. The more I cared, the more I would put his needs before mine, the less he respected me. At the end he started taking me for granted completely. I had at least 20 better (in every sense) guys that wanted to be with me and tried hard and still, I stayed with him. At one point we were fighting hard, he grabbed my hand very strongly and it hurt a lot. He also had very warning statements such as "I think it's fine to be violent towards women, they deserve it sometimes" and so on. He was so selfish, it's beyond comprehension. He cheated on me and I forgave him. And I kept coming back because when it was good it meant so much to me since it was sooo bad most of the time.

Now, when I look at things, it's very clear. The signs were there from the beginning and there was no need to go so far. But, I feel in love and I was stupid. And that wouldn't have happened hadn't I slept with him so soon. After that, every red flag had to be rationalized away.

Note, it's not that he lost respect for me because I had sex with him early, it was because I let him push me around and do whatever he wanted.

merlinsmoon · 2017-04-19T05:24:53+00:00

It's something you should do for yourself. If you want to wait, or not wait, do that. Because you're never going to be able to gauge how a man feels about it. Plenty "can respect that" and plenty don't really care if you wait or not. Some will leave right away, some will wait til you do it and then still leave anyway because it becomes a "thing" for them, and some ONS will turn into meaningful, long-lasting relationships. What benefits me is knowing exactly what I want and doing THAT. So even if it doesn't turn out the way I want, I know I did what I wanted in the end.

LifeHasLag · 2017-04-18T19:39:58+00:00

I'm glad this is becoming a topic of interest :)

RubyWooToo · 2017-04-19T19:31:35+00:00

Having experienced the pitfalls and benefits of waiting vs. not waiting, here's my pros and cons list:

Pros:

Avoid unplanned pregnancy and STDs
Avoid getting overly emotionally attached to a guy before he's been vetted
Weed out guys who are only interested in casual sex
If I lose interest in the guy, it's easier to make a clean break
No anxiety about worrying whether we're exclusive or not

Cons:

Might invest a lot of time dating and getting to know someone only to find out that you're not physically compatible
It's extremely difficult to resist sleeping with someone that you're very physically attracted to
It's a huge challenge to avoid situations where sex is a possibility (i.e. any time you're alone), and abstain from sex without avoiding affection or intimacy entirely.

jack_hammarred · 2017-04-18T18:25:14+00:00

I'm kind of unsure that answering is going to be valuable, it seems there might be something you are wanting or expecting to hear or not hear but if it helps here is my experience.

Regarding previous partners who I didn't have intercourse with, I enjoyed feeling in control of myself and my decisions. Of course you can have this regardless... but I enjoyed determining boundaries and sticking to them. I enjoyed the clear, explicit discussions beforehand and leaving those men satisfied but still intrigued. I enjoyed maintaining some mystery. It allowed me to feel just vulnerable enough, feminine, and empowered because of that.

When we broke up, I enjoyed not having a sex highlight reel starring men who weren't accessible anymore and instead only lamented the loss of good cuddling and oral, as well as the fun of spending time together. I didn't have sex before my current boyfriend, but before him I sampled the cock carousel for the sake of adventure. And because I was absurdly horny, had access, and did not want to focus on anything but my family, goals, and mental health. Because of all that I knew sex wasn't going to be an indulgence. I loved engaging in sexual activities without the regrets that can come from vulnerability with someone you wouldn't want such vulnerability with. I love intimacy, I find my quality of life drastically affected by the presence or lack of it, and I knew this before I ever got naked and physical with anyone. I didn't want to give myself a taste of the expensive champagne if I couldn't have it regularly, so to speak.

Then, I met Man. I enjoyed how safe he made me feel as he taught me things I had no concept of. I enjoyed his pride as he taught me, and his humility when I learned. I couldn't have experienced these things this way if I would've been boning before I met him, and the relationship wouldn't have had the trust, faith, and love that made this so special if we would've just gotten right into it.

I'm thankful I got experience before him. It was good for my confidence. It was fun. It gave me good days. It helped me learn about lots of things. None of those experiences compare to what I can have now, and it's all long since been booted out of the highlight reel for much better material, but I don't wonder. It's like those experiences helped me head off some hypergamy before it happened. I don't wonder if sex (or relationships) could be better... it was good with Man and I to start and it gets better every time.

I didn't feel special about giving Man my virginity. The act was special, and loving him so much I wanted to give it to him was special, but I didn't feel changed or different after the first round or the second round. But years later, I know it brings us closer long term and I love how close we feel during/after each session. Prizing virginity itself I think is kind of stupid IMO. I don't prize ignorance or naïveté, but there is some merit in delaying an experience until you're ready for it if you think that will make the experience better. I think there are things that prolonged virginity fosters that can be good based on my own experience and others experiences, but it depends on so many factors I don't think there is valuable, concrete advice for anyone.

Spazzy19 · 2017-04-20T22:15:10+00:00

My first real boyfriend and I waited 2.5 years to have sex (I was 20 and he was 18). He wasn't religious, but his family was HUGE on reputation and he wanted to wait until marriage . We messed around a lot, and I performed oral regularly, but no actual intercourse. I am HL and couldn't wait until we could finally be together.

So one Valentine's Day celebration he decided it was the perfect moment and we made love. I was in heaven. It was beautiful even though it was short lived, lol. I couldn't wait to have more.

But the next day he woke up and said 3 things to me. 1. Can we pretend this didn't happen? 2. We can't do this again until we're married (another 2.5 yrs away or more). 3. Promise you won't tell a soul about this.

It finally dawned on me he was ashamed, but I took it like a stab to the heart. I had been filled with such joy and love and THAT was his response? Soul crushing. We broke up shortly thereafter.

Since then my other 2 partnerships (including a 12 yr relationship with my ex husband) became sexual pretty quickly. But I have to know the person for a while before getting physical to determine if they're worthwhile. My recent ex bf and I have known each other for 2 years but dated for the past 7 months. My marriage had suffered from sexual issues related to his porn addiction, so having someone to have sex with frequently and lovingly was amazing. I miss it, but I'm not going to just jump into bed with whomever.

Willow-girl · 2017-04-19T03:06:01+00:00

a key that opens every lock is high value.

a lock that opens from every key is worthless.

Title	Q4W - Women of RP, Can You Describe the Exact Benefits You Received From Virginity/Waiting to Give Sex?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	20
Comments	48
Date	April 18, 2017 3:53 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/663ofj/q4w_women_of_rp_can_you_describe_the_exact/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/q4w-women-of-rp-can-you-describe-the-exact.87184 https://theredarchive.com/post/87184

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