NYT: "He Asked Permission to Touch, but Not to Ghost"

fengpi · 2018-09-08T06:24:44+00:00

He and I seemed to have such different understandings of which acts were assumed to be acceptable and which required voiced consent... Yet something else about his asking also made me uneasy. It seemed legalistic and self-protective, imported more from the courtroom than from a true sense of caretaking. And each time he asked, it was as if he assumed I lacked the agency to say no on my own — as if he expected me to say no, not believing that a woman would have the desire to keep saying yes... Because I don’t think many of us would say yes to the question “Is it O.K. if I act like I care about you and then disappear?”

Excessive consent-asking, legalistic ass-covering in the bedroom, acting as if hook-up culture is a thing... Gee, who might have brought such changes, do you think??

Who was it that could have wrought this disappointing and un-fulfilling queefer-madness you chafe against, my good miss Saintly Passive Pureheart McHumblebrag?

Ahh, being a sexually-liberated (but selectively old-fashioned when it suits her) woman just sounds so tough. I Don't Know How She Does It.

(Doesn't a man have any right to fuckin' walk away when he wants to? You'd better believe this chick would walk away from a dude whenever it suited her and it would be "entitlement" for him to express any peep of criticism of her empowered little choices; "you don't own mah bahdeh," etc.)

Consilio_et_Animis · 2018-09-08T08:25:22+00:00

This is the feminists laying the groundwork for a new crime to be brought into law: “Emotional Rape”. You’ll see more and more articles like this one.

FlagrantWrongsDotCom · 2018-09-08T08:13:44+00:00

Can we generically stop allowing every little emotional problem to become blown out of proportion and play on undercurrents of frankly poorly thought out political trends? What happened to adults who could just behave in at least semi reasonable/mature manners?

TherapyFortheRapy · 2018-09-08T13:01:42+00:00

The NYT is just an anti-male hate rag at this point.

Ted8367 · 2018-09-08T13:12:08+00:00

I was left thinking that our culture’s current approach to consent is too narrow.

You've really got to hand it to the ladies. Just when I was thinking they could not, positively not, wring any more blood out of the consent turnip, then voilà! ... proved wrong again. I wonder what the legal penalties will be for narrow consent rape.

PeruvianRug · 2018-09-08T17:33:14+00:00

Grabs a young Tinder hot bod, invites him over to her place on their first date and shortly after they go straight to fucking.

And she wonders why she's still single. She wonders why guys are so quick to bail.

You can't say it anymore because it's become taboo. But the truth of it hasn't gone away: Men are romantically repulsed by promiscuous women. They'll fuck them, but they won't commit to them. Yes, it's a double standard. What a shocker - men and women are different.

RacelessSexlessName · 2018-09-08T06:15:00+00:00

😂😂😂😂😂

^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Wait, wait... I think I'm done...

^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^{^}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

mwobuddy · 2018-09-08T06:20:30+00:00

breathed into his neck and pulled off his shirt.

You didnt ask his consent you rapey bitch.

I looked at his earnest eyes, hair flopping into his face, stubble that was already reddening my skin (I had already decided I didn’t mind). Hadn’t I already said yes several times? Wasn’t I lying there with him, my leg tossed over his, my whole body arcing toward him?

At another point he kissed me from forehead to toe and said, “I think that’s everywhere.” And I almost told him that was unfair; he hadn’t asked my consent. Although I would say yes to all manner of sexual touching, that much sweetness had the power to break my heart.

Oh, so he should mindread now?

Sex makes me feel unsafe, not because of the act itself but because my partners so often disappear afterward

Then its not sex making you feel unsafe, its abandonment issues, and if you're this fucking crazy about sex I don't blame the guys. Bitch.

Given our wholly consensual interaction, did it matter who was stronger? Couldn’t we treat each other as two equal human beings, each of whom had invited and agreed to intimate acts? Wasn’t that the beautiful thing he was teaching me, that we could be fully human to each other, checking in, honoring yes and respecting no?

Not if you're a feminist.

Because I don’t think many of us would say yes to the question “Is it O.K. if I act like I care about you and then disappear?”

UGH.

“Because he asked for my consent, over and over. So sex felt like a sacred act, and then he disappeared.”

“A sacred act?” one roommate said, laughing. “Girl, you sure don’t treat it like one.”

UGH X2.

McFeely_Smackup · 2018-09-08T18:07:30+00:00

“I invited a guy from Tinder to my empty apartment on a snow day,” I said. “Let’s just assume you have blanket consent.” “I’m not comfortable with that.”

Congratulations, you killed sexual passion.

chomponthebit · 2018-09-08T08:11:01+00:00

Translation:

She’s spent over a decade on the cock carousel, getting recreational dick from Chad, and was surprised she could still respond to intimacy.

Her haughty attitude telegraphed her inexperience with romance - which this young gentleman’s “slutdar” rightfully interpreted as a warning: He wonders, “if this chick, six years my senior, can’t handle light kisses up and down her body, what the hell has lovemaking meant to her over all these years?”

“Chad’s dick in all three holes, in an order that would surprise you”, an alarmist voice rings back.

I’ve been there. So many times. These bitches open their legs and welcome your dick, they’ll choke on it gleefully. Yet if you run your fingers through their hair, or along the small of their back, they freeze up because - ready yourselves - THEY are frigid and emotionally-unavailable as fuck.

Young men want romance, genuine intimacy. Women want to wait till they’re thirty. Unfortunately for them, they hit The Wall - when their bodies aren’t as hot, they no longer get their coke for free, and men pump them less and dump them more. So sad

Mens-Advocate · 2018-09-09T15:59:52+00:00

The core of the article and its title is, "Men should need our permission to walk away."

Alternately, "We need a pretext to extend the legal noose from husbands to casual lovers."

2018-09-10T21:46:16+00:00

Women complaining about how hard they find dating is just rich. "Oh I'm sorry, struggling to find mr. Perfect in while floating in the ocean of positive male attention with only the occasional island of rejection? How sad for you"

fengpi · 2018-09-08T12:38:20+00:00

I interpret her as saying, basically, that the spirit of obtaining consent should be about respecting the other person enough to be getting off with them rather than at their expense, and that you can still obtain legal consent without respecting the spirit of it. I'd agree.

Title	NYT: "He Asked Permission to Touch, but Not to Ghost"
Author	Mens-Advocate
Upvotes	32
Comments	79
Date	September 8, 2018 5:53 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/9e228v/nyt_he_asked_permission_to_touch_but_not_to_ghost/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/nyt-he-asked-permission-to-touch-but-not-to-ghost.894587 https://theredarchive.com/post/894587

Comments