I have been married for 11 years and we have two wonderful children 5 and 7 years old.

Backstory: we moved from SF to the suburbs 4 years ago. I stupidly agreed to have my MIL move in with us to “help” with the kids. (What I thought was to help with the kids but in reality , what I now believe was a cover up for my MIL to live with us for free..)

I have for the past three years gradually developed feelings of recent towards my wife and feelings of contempt towards my MIL.

Reason 1: during 18 months of Covid my MIL has not helped out at all. We experienced 18 months of working from Home (converting our living room to two home offices ) while our kids had remote learning from home. All my MIL did was to sit around (literally in the living room - I had to tell her to leave the living room Every day ) watching annoying tv shows on full blast. I expected her to help with the kids while we were working , but there was never any help. Even though I would ask for help - my wife would scold me telling to me to stop pestering her mom and start to treat her mom more Considerate.

Reason 2: my MIL is cheap ! She lives for free and eats for free and shops for free . She has never once offered to pay for groceries or at a restaurant or help with other expenses (we had some unforeseen necessary expensive renovation projects during the past four years as we bought a fixer upper). She has a condo in which she receives rental income and according to my Wife , she has a large savings account that is for my wife to inherit and to be left untouched.

Reason 3: my wife always sides with my MIL and those time I would make a comment about my MIL , my wife accuses me of hating my MIL and for trying ruin their life. It’s always two against one , and I am on the losing team.

Reason 4: my MIL only leaves the house when we are away. She is always there , few feet away from me . I feel like i am suffocating (she is killing me softly w her voice …)

Reason 5: my wife does not make enough money to support her lifestyle . She expects me to work 24/7 to pay for her and her moms lifestyle while she keeps tab of each penny I spend on my family . I recently attempted to spend $45 on one Birthday present for my nephew, when my wife started a 7 hour long argument about me not spending that $45 on her mom but on my family .

Reason 6: my wife refuses to let me hire a cleaning lady bc she wants to save money arguuing that she and my MIL will clean the house every week . The Problem is that they dont clean the house unless I remind them five times and get angry with them (clutter, filth and dirt stresses me out )

Reason 7: my wife is a shopoholic and hoarder . She is not capable of throwing anything way or to give stuff away such as : 7 year old unused baby clothes from gap thaccost $5 on sale . We are taking about two spare rooms in the basement filled with crap including 46 jackets for the kids .

For the above reason I am reconsidering all decision I made in life including marrying my wife ( and MIL.. yes there are three people in my marriage) .

I love my kids but don’t know how much longer I can last in this situation …..

-Unhappy-