Amicable/stoic

WindowFuzz · 2024-05-31T12:42:08+00:00

Live the best and most honorable life you possible can. Be proud of yourself and your actions. Be a role model for your kids. Be the man you always wanted to be, but couldn’t because you had to subjugate yourself under her perpetual negation of you.

This will slowly fill yourself with confidence and from this wellspring of strength, you can be amicable with your former oppressor. You are not a cowering servant or house-elf scuttling through the halls of the house you paid for with your hard work, doing her incessant bidding. You are a free man. Create your own goals and visions for YOUR future.

The goal is not to dominate her or turn the tables or gloat. The goal is to handle yourself with dignity and behave honorably with the people around you. And then you will attract a future partner and friends who are worthy of the man you have become.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-31T09:02:58+00:00

Accept your role as the villain in her narrative.

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-05-31T00:18:36+00:00

Going out and having fun, on my days off without my child I have a social life again, hanging out with friends playing basketball everyday after work with work friends

Beamformer · 2024-05-30T18:17:35+00:00

As the divorce rolled along slowly, I started living again, having fun, and mostly forgetting about her as much as possible. Her goal was always to divorce me and break me in the process. Everything changed when she realized I was dating and enjoying myself, that her inflicted pain could only be financial from this point on. I wish It didn't take me years to stop saying I deserved better and to make that happen by cutting her out of my life. The last time she saw me, she looked broken.. her AP long gone, I had no interest in her closure, I was in full celebration mode of my better life.

Simple-Captain3421 · 2024-05-30T18:11:11+00:00

Don’t try. Nothing is enough for them.

The only ones I have seen work are men who have completely submitted to their wives.

Reflog1791 · 2024-05-30T17:42:37+00:00

I think it comes down to realizing very very early that her thoughts on the matter are irrelevant insofar as her narratives and blame game. You only focus on optimizing the final settlement. So the easiest thing is don’t talk to her about anything at all. Know your best case, likely case, and worst case. Present your proposal as best you can. If she won’t bite then cease negotiations and let the court give you the likely case. If she tries to make a deal at the courthouse steps, it needs to be more favorable to you than your last best offer.

jimsmythee · 2024-05-30T17:07:37+00:00

I learned to set boundaries for her. She hated that.

If she called me up and screamed at me? I hung up on her. Or I would walk away.

An annoying thing she did was ask me a question and then interrupt me each time I tried to answer her question. I would have to scold her like a child and say, "Don't interrupt!" Well that didn't work. So I would just hang up on her or walk away.

Another annoying thing she did, both while we were married and then separated. If she needed something, she would just scream out my name, and her expectation was that I was to just drop what I was doing and come running. I had told her a 100 different times and a 100 different ways how much I hated that. She wasn't going to change. So I just ignored her. She was convinced I was going deaf.

Once we split, I made it clear that "the bank of Jim" is closed. She needed money for her DUI fines? I told her to "call your parents." She actually said to me that if I didn't pay, she would go back to jail. "And this affects me how?"

This list went on and on. I set boundaries.

Least_Respect_7686 · 2024-05-30T17:00:23+00:00

Im trying to remind myself over and over again that she’s not my wife anymore. She’s just a random friend that I might see anywhere out in public.

I go home, I cry when I need to. I’m really early into this so all the feelings are still really raw.

I have been working on creating my own household and splitting the bills and finances apart. That has helped keep my mind off of missing her

Title	Amicable/stoic
Author	fffrdcrrf
Upvotes	5
Comments	11
Date	May 30, 2024 3:53 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1d47bar/amicablestoic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/amicablestoic.1520056 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520056

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