Currently co-parenting well, but thinking about leaving

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-12-29T21:03:35+00:00

If you looking for support when abandoning your children, you won't find it here. Men in this sub crawl through broken glass to get 50% parenting time with their kid.

98% of the time you ever spend with your kid is before they graduate from high school. There is no making up time later when they are an adult. You can't be an involved parent when you are hours or hundreds of miles away. You won't be there for parent teacher conferences, you can't cheer them on in extracurriculars, you can screen their birl/boyfriend, you can't see them off to prom, etc etc.

McWhiffersonMcgee · 2022-12-30T01:12:05+00:00

Kids need a mom and dad in their life. You leave and you are fuckin that kid over. They will pine for you and constantly wonder why daddy left them.

Man the fuck up

Substantial_Week3298 · 2022-12-29T20:57:26+00:00

So, let's get this straight.. You just finalized your divorce a month ago, you are fortunate enough to have 50/50 shared parenting which alot of men would love to have that, you have a child who needs you very much, your ex wife is now involved with another woman? You live in a bad neighborhood and you want to walk away basically so you can find another woman to mess things up even more for yourself? Dude, you just got out of a bad marriage right? Are you kidding? Wake up. Focus on your kid. If you want to move out of the area, do it for the right reasons, for yourself and for your child, have your attorney file a motion in the courts for the move, to make a better life for your child with a better school system and bring your kid with you! This is not the time to run around chasing women. The kid comes first.

Jonger1150 · 2022-12-30T01:54:16+00:00

You'll get very little aid or comfort from other men here. This is universally wrong.

eastbranch02 · 2022-12-30T06:43:03+00:00

Stick with your kid. My kids were 3 and 6 when I got divorced. I raised them half time and they are young adults now. All the women I dated and relationships are over. Women don’t mean anything. I’m 60. All I have is my kids. They love me and I love them. Women will come and go. Your kids are forever. If you leave you’ll always regret it, especially if you have a son.

metalmaniak68 · 2022-12-29T20:56:17+00:00

So you’re worried more about your personal life than your child’s?

CRobinsFly · 2022-12-29T21:14:50+00:00

Unpopular opinion in this sub - don't be shamed for prioritizing yourself above your child. Coparenting already ruins children anyway, as preliminary data shows it's only marginally better if at all of being raised solely by a single mother, it's such a new concept that the data hasnt really flushed it out into mainstream media yet. Don't let some other guys bitterness that they had to fight tooth and nail for 50% tear you down, that was their choice to fight.

Anyway, the fact is you're going to need to make a decision and conciously accept the consequences. It sounds like you're on the right path to examining this.

Some other aspects, brainstorming here, and I'm not at all trying to instill hope: your ex's relationship is going to implode. Lesbians eventually turn into troubled and full-on physically abusive relationships, it's possible you could be called upon to take full custody of your child. Is that something you might want? If you move away, it'd be harder for you to act on that opportunity.

Gattsama · 2022-12-29T23:06:19+00:00

Let me be somewhat unpopular, you shouldn't be asking us, you should only be asking yourself. Life is short and life sucks, you stay and are unhappy but have more time with your child, maybe they benefit. You move away and have less time with your child, maybe they suffer. Maybe you have the kid all summer and a few weeks out of the year.

Maybe you just walk away. It's not what most would recommend or do, but who cares. There is no right thing anymore. Only several bad choices. The system is fundamentally broken. You can never make up the time not spent with your child. You also can't make up the time you could have been taking care of yourself.

Right now you are still limiting your life force due to the ex's choices. Your child is an innocent victim in this, and so are you. I'm not saying leave, I'm saying life is short and often full of regrets. When presented with two crappy choices don't worry about what the group thinks, do you, because you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.

We are not here to give you permission.

windowlicker1000 · 2022-12-30T00:11:35+00:00

I’m considering the same for similar reasons. You’re not alone.

1Cobbler · 2022-12-30T04:51:56+00:00

I've sort of been thinking the same thing, but I want to take my kids with me.

I've been thinking of doing it and just telling her she can jam child support and take them for holidays.

zippyweinstein · 2022-12-30T07:13:14+00:00

I don’t know how you leave a 5 year old behind and only see them during summers. Especially when you’re a lot more flexible to move around with remote work. I could see moving when they’re teenagers but not a 5 year old.

Were you going to get up and leave if you were still married? No. You were committed to stay with family. Now that family is your child, but you’d be happier elsewhere. That comes with a price. They’ll always have an insecurity about abandonment. It will shape their development and identity. They weren’t worth you staying. You didn’t love them enough. That’s how a 5 year old sees it.

Title	Currently co-parenting well, but thinking about leaving
Author	pfthrowaway231
Upvotes	0
Comments	35
Date	December 29, 2022 8:26 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zyfg97/currently_coparenting_well_but_thinking_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/currently-co-parenting-well-but-thinking-about.1145306 https://theredarchive.com/post/1145306

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