Dating again ?

Reflog1791 · 2023-10-10T18:30:55+00:00

Shave your balls, get a haircut and a fresh outfit.

Smile, don’t talk about your ex, divorce, or kid(s).

Line up more dates with more women so you’re not thirsty. Don’t knock anyone up.

Xan-Diesel · 2023-10-10T17:44:51+00:00

I was with my ex-wife for sixteen years and we were together since our Senior year of Highschool. I wasn't really worried about dating because I was completely distraught and just trying to survive when she left. As I started to improve over the months by reaching out to friends and family (as well as a counselor) I forced myself to challenge myself.

Part of that was doing things I normally wouldn't but a lot of it was just getting out and about. The amazing, year long romantic relationship I got into after my divorce came about by just not depression napping my life away. By hanging out with new groups of people with no intentions other than enjoying myself, meeting new people and having fun I'd developed a rapport with this new woman. We'd spent enough time together that by the time we finally went on an official "date" we'd already known a lot about each other and the sexual tension had been building up for weeks.

If I can offer any advice it'd be to shoot for something like that. Find a way to connect with people without the pressure of dating / interviewing right off the bat. I'd see her at bowling, group meals, river days etc. and we'd just pick up where we left off. I also started going to poker nights (though she didn't attend those) and took up shooting, again. Maybe something other than strictly dating will help.

techrmd3 · 2023-10-10T19:57:10+00:00

my best advice is don't count a date a date until they are sitting in front of you

there is so much flaking

there are so many scams from gals not in area/ dudes / international crypto sellers...

you just can't believe a date is actually a date until it is actually happening live

remember it's numbers numbers numbers - ya gotta contact 100 or so to get to 10 decent online convos, 10 online convos leading to 1-2 dates irl

To_Shrug · 2023-10-10T18:23:09+00:00

Yes! Good for you!

Go out and have fun. Its a lunch date, so its easy. Be funny, ask engaging questions. Try and add humor. Just a ton of small talk / get to know you kinda crap. Where you from, how long have you been here. Have you been to any fun places recently. Where would you like to travel to. Have you been to blah, blah.

At the end of the lunch, you can pay to keep it easy. Then say, hey, this was fun, lets do dinner this weekend (if you are so inclined).

*i was speed reading your first sentence and thought it said, "I met a 31 year old (in prison)". I had to read that twice! :)

whiskey_piker · 2023-10-11T00:37:42+00:00

DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX

This is such a trap for so many of us. Just gloss over it. Yep, divorce. We were in different places. Subject change.

The age difference is fine. When I(52) met my (now fiancé), I was 43 and she was 28. And I still appear younger and in better shape than 90% of the guys near her age range.

Similar-Guitar-6 · 2023-10-10T21:38:40+00:00

Good luck, bro! My ex was 14 years younger than me, and she left me for someone younger than her. She traded in for a newer model.

probebeta · 2023-10-10T21:17:12+00:00

I needed some practice for myself. Had a few awkward first dates but don't think that was necessarily my fault. I got better at weeding out the odd ones, and now its fun and natural. You just reminded me, I should go to gym :)

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2023-10-11T00:30:53+00:00

Hey OP, it took me a ton of dates to get it right but its all good practice. It finally clicked after a couple months but for me, being positive, letting them talk more than you, not talking negatively about the ex (if they ask) and generally being down for a fun time is what worked. I found going out and sitting by the bar worked best as it gets you closer to the ladies and initiate some light contact (nothing crazy but you gotta get that small physical contact to show flirting and interest). Dressing and smelling nice goes without saying....

Someone mentioned talking to several ladies....oddly enough once i started lining up dates, my success rate went way up, then I had to balance that out...

Anyways, have fun and don't take it soo seriously and you'll be just fine!

cactuscharlie · 2023-10-10T22:47:09+00:00

Don't fuck her on the first date even if she wants to. We all know you do. But just don't.

Second date all bets are off.

chestpubesandballfro · 2023-10-11T00:18:13+00:00

I waited a year to date. I got quasi serious dating a smokeshow 25 year old. We have a 15 year age gap.

About 8 months in and we went on a 10 day vacation that I realized that we have completely different life goals.

I built a life (career, money, kids) and she wanted to build one.

I had to be the adult and break it off.

anthonyhceo · 2023-10-11T15:50:41+00:00

A lot of solid advice. Don't overthink it. Go to lunch, be honest when asked but definitely stay away from negative aspects of your divorce/ex. Feel free to discuss your children, where your mind and life is at, and above all, get her to talk about herself. 2 purposes, 1st you want to identify any red flags, 2nd is you want to be seen as a good listener.

You'll want to disclose that you can't have any more kids, a dealbreaker for most childless 31 year olds you'll meet. My wife asked me to get sniped a couple years ago, I declined. I have 3 kids, 2 with her, and 1 prior, so not looking for more and we're in our 40's, but if I ever wind up divorced, I want to avoid the issue of turning away younger ladies wanting kids of their own.

Lastly, have fun.

Careless_Payment9298 · 2023-10-10T19:11:29+00:00

I am 49. My girlfriend is a 32 year old petite Asian beauty. I watched Coach Corey Wayne and Tripp Advice on Youtube. It worked for me

Rare-Ad-3542 · 2023-10-11T07:45:06+00:00

Please talk about your kids and you can briefly talk about your divorce and where your head is at since then. Be honest but don’t hold onto the past.

BE YOURSELF and hopefully she will love you for you. Also you may want to disclose that the tank is empty as you’ve stated in another comment cause if she’s 31 she may want kids in the near future

Rare-Ad-3542 · 2023-10-11T08:03:40+00:00

Also don’t sleep with her on the first date. Delay that gratification and get of know her and where her head is at with regards to what she wants and her maturity level and so on…

Once you see you click then you can progress

S4z3r4c · 2023-10-11T09:18:53+00:00

Fuck sake OP will you just enjoy yourself and relax.

Title	Dating again ?
Author	Sudden_Ad_4193
Upvotes	12
Comments	31
Date	October 10, 2023 5:28 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/174qvfv/dating_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dating-again.1234654 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234654

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