Background: mid-30s, married 10+ years, 2 kids.

The last time my wife said “I love you” was before the birth of our second child. His 4th birthday is coming up soon and it’s a painful reminder of the current state of my marriage.

I brought this up to my wife last night, explaining that I didn’t believe the average person would continue trying to fix their marriage if it had been 4+ years since his wife last said she loved him.

Her response was pretty typical: “We’re not in a loving relationship, and I’m not going to lie to make you feel better.”

Fair enough, and she’s not wrong. Our marriage went off the rails when we had kids.

My wife refuses to balance motherhood with anything else, including being a wife, and she is very open about the fact that she doesn’t have “the time or energy” to make our marriage a focus.

I’ve been a frequent poster over at the deadbedrooms sub for years. Unlike many over there, our issues are bigger than just sex, but sex plays a role.

Selfish or not, it’s been over decade since my wife last gave me a blowjob. On the rare occasions we do have sex, it’s terrible.

At the conclusion of our conversation last night I asked my wife if I should be consulting a marriage counselor or a divorce attorney. Her response: “your choice.”

I feel like I’m just prolonging the inevitable at this point.

Is there any hope when your wife has completely punched out like this?