Furious

bungleweed · 2024-10-01T23:52:22+00:00

What’s the situation with your child and custody then? Can you seek legal help so you can have your child 50:50?

regertsrus · 2024-10-01T12:11:19+00:00

Sounds very familiar. Especially about the house I bought and fixed with my own 2 hands. You want my advice? It worked real well for me but not the wisest of plans. I put myself out there and started dating far too early before I was ready. Found a woman with 2 kids and no dad in the picture. The kids get along with my kids amazingly. Do the same. If it don't work out on the first then try again. You have to keep trying. That's the secret sauce. Find what works for you. Doesn't mean you need to find a single mother like I did. Just to try and put yourself out there. That's all. That simple

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-10-01T03:38:52+00:00

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Unfortunately, you're not alone in this; many others have had similar terrible experiences. I understand your feelings.

I was married to a bipolar, selfish woman. I had a home and made investments for my sons. They, like you, are also victims when dealing with a combative ex-partner who refuses to co-parent.

What I found worked for me was to be the best father I could be. Love your daughter with all your heart. Don't worry about what's going on in your ex's life unless your daughter is unsafe. When she's with you, make her the centre of your life. Kids can tell when people are insincere with them. Never speak poorly about your ex or anyone else in her circle in your daughter's presence.

If you want to gather evidence of your ex's lies, do so. When your daughter is old enough to understand, you can show her. It may not be helpful now, as you may be seen as the sore loser, but always be honest.

My sons loved their mother when we divorced, but now that they're in therties and forties, they have little to no contact with her anymore.

I hope you can have a wonderful life with your daughter and live for both of you.

probebeta · 2024-10-01T02:11:12+00:00

Yep, this kind of stuff can really mess with your head. Not only that, but the new man has no respect for you or your family, and might even sleep on the bed you paid for.

As ugly as this is I think it's best to redirect this anger towards self improvement: gym and get in shape, work hard, be the best dad. With time you'll realize that not having her around is actually better for you. There are good women out there, but personally the way I approach women, dating and relationships is a lot different from what it used to be. I actually get better results now. It took a divorce after a kid to find out but better late than never 😅. Hang in there, it will get better.

Eric_C_Productions · 2024-10-01T01:55:22+00:00

Your situation sucks and I am sorry for you. But would you rather be stuck in a relationship with all of the fighting and yelling and putting your daughter in a toxic environment for most of her childhood? She may go through the rest of her life with "trust and anger issues" and you and the wife did not do her any favors. So, better to break it off sooner rather than later. My boys have only known yelling and anger coming from their mom who directed it on me for 20 years. I have been living at my parents while we go through the divorce and my ex wife felt I was the cause of my kids mental instability and anxiety. She blamed me for all of the problems that occurred. She never took accountability for her actions directed at me or anyone else. Well, I was taken out of the equation so that should have been the end of all of the strife at the house, right? WRONG. It was her. Not me. My boys tell me that she is constantly getting mad at them and yelling. Even my oldest son calls her unhinged and psycho.

So, it may suck for your daughter right now, but at least you are sparing her the mess that I am going through. She may be angry with you at first but they all come around. Just be there for her and don't disparage their mom. Take the high road and let your ex be the low class person. Kids see it and can read that. Trust me, my son hated me for leaving but then realized when he saw me handcuffed in a police cruiser in front of the house for something that their mom made up to get me kicked out of the house, that it was their mom who was the crazy one. They knew that me leaving was for their own good and for me. Thing is, I never abandoned them and they know that they can depend on me.

Delicious-Two5325 · 2024-09-30T23:51:53+00:00

Sorry you are going through this brother. Dealing with this now currently. Unfortunately my 9 year old was alienated from me for the past 2 months. Now just getting to see her after the court ordered 5050 on a motion I filed. She absolutely hates me because of what she has been told. I needed to set the record on the main items before she was even ok with talking to me. She has been told nothing but lies and placed directly in the middle. It becomes wishy washy because we need to hear their feelings, while also not admitting to the lies they are being told. It's tough waters to navigate, but like others have said, minimize negatively talking your ex. Be strong . You are stronger than her and will come out on top

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2024-09-30T23:24:43+00:00

I know how you feel. I can relate. Right now, TRY to stay in control- for yourself. Eat right. It’s very important to us right now. To our brains. When I say I can relate—— in January 2024, I was so depressed- I was 127.9lbs when they measured me at the hospital. I am 149lbs right now. I used to be btwn 165-175lbs. But slowly getting there.

All I can say ….again- eat right….take care of your body and ur mind. It’s hard,it ain’t easy but try.

Bumblebee56990 · 2024-09-30T23:00:05+00:00

Be honest when your child ask, but don’t speak ill of her mother. Show her through your actions you love her and are a safe space for her.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-09-30T21:39:21+00:00

Never speak ill of her in front if the kids. Never talk about what caused the divorce. Love your kids. Be a great dad. Ignore what she says.

When your kids are old enough. Sit them down and tell the truth.

When kids are in the middle of divorce and one parent is manipulating, bad mouthing and lying, trying to throw truth in the middle is more damaging. It just creates more uncertainty.

There was a young man who wrote a post a while back about his divorced parents. He talked about his mother bad-mouthing his father. Talked about his mother cycling men in and out of their lives. Not being present. Blaming the father for not supporting, yet she went out all the time spending money. Sharing all the reasons they got divorced.

He was very pointed in stating his dad never once said anything about their mother. At first, he blamed his dad. Then overtime, he felt more at ease with his father. His dad always spent time with him. His dad always was there for sports and activities. When he was 17, he moved in with his dad. His mother was fine because her hen boyfriend thought it was a great idea.

More recently, his dad shared the true reason for the divorce- his mother’s drinking, going out, infidelity and lack of financial responsibility. All of which he witnessed first hand.

He had been a couple years of no contact with his mother when she reached out, wanting to him back in her life. She was alone at this point, but still struggling. He suggested she write an apology letter to his father, siblings and family that were all hurt and misled. Otherwise, establishing some sense of unity would simply be fake.

soontobesolo · 2024-09-30T20:56:41+00:00

It sucks, I know. We've been there.

All I can say now, is get your strategy in order, and plan for your future. It will get better later, but you have to plan now.

And the act of planning, strategizing, and TAKING CONTROL of your situation will help your psyche enormously. Please read this advice:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1f4yhuc/my_advice_to_those_starting_down_this_path/

Reflog1791 · 2024-09-30T20:43:34+00:00

I remember these feelings but they went away. She’s horrible, all these people she turned against you can deal with her now. The father figure; somebody else can deal with his health problems. Ditto for ex mil and ex wife.

In a few years you’ll wake up and you’ll have people that like you in your corner. Not these fake people who didn’t actually care what happened to you.

At some point the conclusion for all these people is “good riddance.”

As far as your kid just be the best dad you can possibly be on your time. Make your house awesome. Definitely get buff. Use this as an opportunity to make your life amazing. Turn it into a good thing. It’s hard to see it but now I just wake up going. Sheesh thanks dumb ex I’m better off without your treachery, deceit, and general presence.

Title	Furious
Author	Gillilnomics
Upvotes	35
Comments	15
Date	September 30, 2024 8:29 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ft5q7s/furious/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/furious.1531789 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531789

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