Going downhill pretty fast…..

Mental_Antelope_7202 · 2025-12-03T12:59:01+00:00

If she is actively participating in the therapy, I probably would stick in there. Rebuilding is always going to be harder. If she is not, then that’s a sign she is on to something else.

Nothoughtiname5641 · 2025-12-03T03:24:27+00:00

Brother, ask yourself one question are you happy in this marraige? There is no other question ask... and i mean it ask that one question. That's your answer.

Rugger2row · 2025-12-03T03:14:31+00:00

If you expect change in a month after years of being deprioritized or unhappy, you will be disappointed. When starting therapy it often seems to get worse before it gets better. I'm guessing a year is more realistic. That is with 2 people who actually care and are open to therapy.

Most people can't get past the airing of grievances before checking out. I know I am not a fan of that stage.

Empress1978 · 2025-12-02T19:05:29+00:00

In addition to what everyone else says - no, it only gets worse and never better. You’re both at the end of your ropes and mentally are checked out. Happened to me too. We went to therapy at my insistence and it turned into the “let’s bash me” session instead of us having a safe space to discuss things. It honestly just proved that I was right in wanting to split after 16 years. It sucks so bad, but things you’d suck up before just become irritating and you don’t care. That means you’re ready.

Coffeecankicker · 2025-12-02T15:39:22+00:00

She’ll never change. She’s who you married. You’re just seeing the core of her now. That cold callous being, the selfish, self centered woman who used to smile at every stupid thing you did, now is criticizing your every move, downplaying your existence and prioritizing everyone and everything but your cares and desires. She played her hand out and has no more wild cards. Her true hand is laying out and she bluffed one too many times. Call her out and take her chips. Cash out at the window before you hit another table.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-12-02T14:09:43+00:00

When I was in your situation, I found it helpful to focus on the improvements I needed to make to become a better man and husband. Those don’t depend on her or what she’s doing or you communicating with her at all. Either she will see those changes you’re making and it will motivate her to make her own efforts or nothing will happen and you’ll have your answer. Whether you stay together or not, you’ll know you did everything you could and you’ll be a better man on the other side of it.

BigBubbaMac · 2025-12-02T14:06:50+00:00

I was in the exact same boat. Things only got worse after we started couples counseling. Counselor said they wouldn't see us anymore because my ex wasn't "showing up".

Several-Eagle4141 · 2025-12-02T12:22:37+00:00

She was already on the off ramp. She is still on the off ramp.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-12-02T09:12:16+00:00

Unfortunately it takes 2 dedicated people to want to make it work. And by work I mean actively doing things to try and save and continue the relationship in a healthy way forward.
If any one of 2 does not reciprocate the effort then it more than often means the end of the relationship.
Is there anything you can do to break the routine? Maybe try a weekend away and just try to enjoy it, but if she does not want to go or are just going to sit and complain about everything then I don't know what else to try as you are already doing therapy.
Usually when therapy is being suggested, its likely almost way too late but what do I know. Good luck!

R9ome · 2025-12-02T08:38:06+00:00

No comms, can't even look at each other,it sounds like things have broken down completely. Have you made any steps to try and improve things between you two?

PurrpleCarrot42 · 2025-12-02T07:19:30+00:00

If you guys are talking to each other, airing out grievances, being open about expectations and disappointments with each other, then yes, things will get worse first before there’s a chance that they will get better.

If, on the other hand, there is no communication, the only conversation is about kids or logistics of life, if there isn’t any effort on both sides to actually try to listen to the other person, then I’m afraid you are likely wasting time and money, things will likely not change and only get worse over time.

Title	Going downhill pretty fast…..
Author	HubbyBumps
Upvotes	10
Comments	21
Date	December 2, 2025 6:59 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pc1v1n/going_downhill_pretty_fast/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/going-downhill-pretty-fast.1567886 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567886

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