Hostile

Winter-Technician947 · 2025-10-09T20:27:11+00:00

I'm sorry to hijack a thread - this thread is probably not designed for me at all as i'm a) long divorced and b) gay but as someone with a lot of female friends, it makes me wonder whether your wife is actually going through personal problems which are causing her to act this way.

My initial reaction is that she is perimenopausal. Perimenopause can cause a lot of women to have a personality breakdown and can actually make them behave in ways they haven't before. They know it's happening but they just can't explain it.

"Mood changed to a hostile and unreasonable tone overnight"

- I find it really difficult to believe that she asked for a divorce out of the blue and then suddenly became a dragon (with no prior warning that this was going to happen at all).

A guy friend of mine is experiencing exactly the same thing and says the same thing as you have here. "Wife is being unreasonable/keeps saying she wants a divorce" etc.... but when I ask him if he's tried to meet halfway or what he's done to try and resolve conflict, he just says an argument ensues, so he doesn't bother.

Yeah that's a recipe for disaster....

She sounds like she needs help. Actually I wouldn't be surprised if it's a call for help. She's starting isolating herself and engaging in repetitive behaviour. That sounds like a classic sign of perimenopausal behaviour ! You also said you're 50 - is she around the same age ? If so, I would not be surprised if this is the route cause of this at all.

Do you still love her ? Could you find yourself able to somehow open a conversation about how she is (and listen) ? If so, you might find that all is not lost and that this marriage might potentially be saveable but you both have to be open to communication and not descend into arguments and chaos.

As I say, I know this thread was not designed with people like me in mind - I just thought it might help to have a different insight. Threads like this (with multiple people in highly emotive and emotional situations) can sometimes validate opinions which might not be altogether helpful (however well meaning).

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-10-09T12:53:59+00:00

Sounds like you have some difficult decisions to make, living together and ignoring the obvious is not going to go away. What is your next step in moving forward in your situation?

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-10-09T12:50:41+00:00

Sounds like you have some difficult decisions to make, living together and ignoring the obvious is not going to go away. What is your next step in moving forward in your situation?

Reflog1791 · 2025-10-08T20:04:19+00:00

Hire a lawyer and serve her. Have her served at work. Operate with strength and conviction, not fear.

If you are afraid of silver bullet divorce your best and only defense is file for divorce.

You filing for divorce is your next best move.

lowcarbbq · 2025-10-08T18:47:18+00:00

If you don’t provide a lawyer for them to serve the papers to, they will file and you will get served directly. Buying weeks here at best.

Once served you would be best to respond per the summons. I suggest you lawyer up. Judges do not take kindly to people making a mockery of the justice system by ignoring court orders to respond/appear/etc.

No_Pace2396 · 2025-10-08T17:40:13+00:00

So, check your local laws. If she’s filed she’s bound by a domestic relations injunction that limits what she can do financially. You’re not until you are served. You may be held to some scrutiny about what you do once you know, but a good lawyer can wipe that away in mediation. You’re in a gray area.

And here’s the advice a hen gave my ex: play along, stroke his ego, tell him you want to work on the marriage. Then when he least expects it…

Hopefully you’ve been taking this time to prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically for what’s coming. As for her mental health, save yourself first. Collect evidence cause you love your kids and she knows that. Protect yourself from her—calm as a Hindu cow, no vices, not even a Mormon bad word in mother Theresa’s tone. When your heel is on her neck, then you can factor what help she might need. Sounds brutal, but she’s putting herself first already, she’ll turn even your best qualities into pathologies, then when you’re down she’ll bring on the court to finish you off.

a_day_at_a_timee · 2025-10-08T17:37:41+00:00

it’s menopause. get her to a clinic to test her hormones and start HRT.

RiseNo3399 · 2025-10-08T17:28:27+00:00

Get a body camera. Audio device. To carry with you at all times. Be very careful of silver bullet divorce tactics, it’s sounds like she’s primed for it

BathAutomatic6972 · 2025-10-08T17:19:57+00:00

First, don't ignore those letters. Hire a lawyer. Toss the keys to them and do what they tell you. It's not going away. It's not going to get better. It's absolutely going to change.

As far as her and her mental well-being watch this: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C_TW8uKu3Bd/?hl=en

Brother, it doesn't matter. She's ocean shit. She's fish business. Has nothing to do with you.

bluephotoshop · 2025-10-08T17:19:48+00:00

You got it wrong. Unless you reply, preferably using a lawyer, you can lose big time. Do not ignore those letters! And no, you don’t need to split your property anytime soon. A good lawyer can draw your case out for years.

Title	Hostile
Author	Boglehead101
Upvotes	17
Comments	14
Date	October 8, 2025 5:13 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1o1gkar/hostile/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/hostile.1563689 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563689

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