How do I even move on!

Competitive_Motor840 · 2024-07-05T05:20:40+00:00

I don’t mean to be insensitive but nobody can “make you have a kid”, particularly when you’re a man. That was your choice and to start the healing process you need to acknowledge your own actions. I’m not saying anything she did was right but you have to man up and acknowledge your own responsibilities. I’m certain this is not what you want to hear however it is the truth.

CreativeNerd1729 · 2024-07-03T22:52:01+00:00

Their primary objectives are to get married and have kids. And they often go to any lengths to get that done. Once they have both, they consider themselves bulletproof; while the man has to bear multiple roles/responsibilities/burdens. It might seem impossible to move on, but time makes many things seem like a blur.

CrazySanta7 · 2024-07-03T17:48:35+00:00

If this is a rant, cool. If this is something you plan on sending her....don't.

Mr_Stimmers · 2024-07-03T17:35:45+00:00

Same, same. I’ve vowed not to do this again. I’m better off alone. I wanted to move out to the country but we share custody of our dogs and they’re everything to me. The last 15 years have been a waste of time because she will basically get everything, and I wont be able to afford anything but a shitty apartment in a shitty part of town. I don’t see how I’ll ever recover back to where I am today. Things are going to get bad, and I just hope one day I’ll be happy again.

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2024-07-03T17:26:53+00:00

This is the way 💪🏼

NewDay0110 · 2024-07-03T17:15:43+00:00

I was having similar thoughts today and was thinking about making a post about it. Divorce with kids wrecks your life and leaves you in this sort of purgatory because you can't really move on from your ex because of your dad responsibilities. Having a court order dictate where you can live and work can crush your dreams and aspirations, and make you feel a lack of motivation. It kills the fantasy of a new relationship because the last one left you in a bad place and you don't want it to get any worse. You're stuck in a toxic relationship from your bond as a baby daddy and that will never end.

My advice is to try to make the most of what you have. Find the good moments, simple pleasures, and appreciate them. It sucks that you have to downsize your life goals because of what she did to you. Sorry. Take care of your health so you can live long enough to enjoy a bit of independence when your kid grows up. This is the way.

BlackSun56 · 2024-07-03T16:06:36+00:00

It will get better man. You’re super hurt and upside down right now. And that’s okay. You’re supposed to feel that way. I’ve been there. It sucks.

It takes time to heal. Focus on you and what you can control. Work. The gym. Therapy. Longstanding good friends. Date when you’re ready but DO NOT rush into anything.

Just breathe. You will come back from this. You will be you again. You will never be fully rid of this, you were cut deep, and there will always be a scar. But you will be stronger. And you will be more aware of who you are and what’s important to you and boundaries will matter.

Stay strong brother. You can do this.

Exactly65536 · 2024-07-03T15:52:59+00:00

How is it even possible to make someone have a kid?

Were you held at gunpoint? I mean, I take your word that your ex is a bad person. But was it not your decision too?

danneedsahobby · 2024-07-03T15:50:29+00:00

You learn from your mistakes. Accept your part in ignoring all the red flags, going along when you knew better, not standing up for yourself. Those are the things you can improve.

Be alone for a while. But do it the right way, with an end date and a goal in mind. Working on yourself is a lonesome endeavor but sometimes necessary. Being alone for the rest of your life is not an option. Humans are social creatures and helping others is the only way to have real purpose in life. But you need to build up your personal strength first and foremost before you can be of service to others.

The first person you need to be of service to is the life you brought into this world. That kid didn’t choose this. He doesn’t need you to be a perfect dad, but he does need a dad. That’s not a job you get to clock out of. So you’ve got to figure out how to fix yourself without stopping everything. And that’s hard as fuck. You will fail at times. And even in your failure you don’t get to quit. So learn how to rest and recharge whenever you can. That’s a necessary part of building personal strength.

Title	How do I even move on!
Author	Screamo2005
Upvotes	18
Comments	25
Date	July 3, 2024 3:13 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dugt68/how_do_i_even_move_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-even-move-on.1523130 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523130

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