How Do You Move Forward?

probebeta · 2024-05-21T17:22:40+00:00

I think you want to do gym for a least 2-3 months before dating. I got new photos and women that matched me online were interested more often than not. I think that's important because you want to start developing an abundance mindset instead of having no success right at the start.

The other thing I'd say is to spin plates. Date multiple women simultaneously to improve your game since it must be rusty if you're just starting out. See what the options looks like, you don't want to land on the first one.

Third, take your time with dating. I wouldn't consider getting serious with anyone without vetting them for a while. Women are really good at acting and it can take some time before the facade wears off. It takes some lost baggage and disagreements to see what they're really made of. My experience has been that women are generally interested in some form of monogamous LTR but much sooner than me. I just tell them to slow down. If they can't wait, act out, sleep with other people, they can go ahead - not LTR material anyway.

These ideas I got from consuming some red pill content like rolo, rich cooper, George Bruno. Some people call it trash but I think it is serving me well. At the very least you might be able to recognize some behavior patterns and then you choose to agree with it or not.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-05-19T17:50:25+00:00

With dating it takes a little bit to get good at it. Start now and just fail forward in the beginning. I had to force myself to get out of my comfort zone a lot in the beginning but got it done.

SuperConfused40 · 2024-05-19T16:33:40+00:00

I understand exactly what you are going through. You need to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Just try stuff to get out of the house.

My philosophy is if I sign up or schedule to do something, then I'll attend it. Try new stuff.

Look at your local park district or library for activities, like dodgeball or pickleball. Try other random stuff. I did a swing dance class. I did art classes even though I'm the opposite of an artist.

Go out with the intention of having fun and doing things you want. Sure, some may suck, but you will never learn yourself if you don't try.

Stay strong and congrats on moving forward and healing.

roshi-roshi · 2024-05-19T12:22:46+00:00

I’m 3 months in, so I’m glad to hear from someone who is doing ok. Next steps are hard, but it seems like you have a good foundation.

Sthompson1965 · 2024-05-19T04:09:45+00:00

Self care, mental and physical. Goals get some and work towards them.

AdForward5729 · 2024-05-19T00:45:34+00:00

You’re doing great! Getting off the meds is huge!

I understand the dating part, but you have to try to get yourself out there and stay confident. Not sure if you have kids, but don’t bring that up or bring them in.

If you don’t have kids, the dating world is yours to conquer.

MotorBoatingCFL · 2024-05-17T19:44:20+00:00

Hey brother! Sounds like you are doing pretty good.
HUGE congrats coming off the medications some of those have withdrawals that can keep you dependent.

Don't worry about dating or being ready to date. FOCUS ON YOU. Get in the gym, not for your body but for your mind. It has been the single most beneficial thing for me. I don't feel doing it but I consider it required......I always feel GREAT afterward. Discipline = Freedom

Get some dumbbells and start doing body weight stuff.
Get a jump rope.
Start walking (20# weighted vest).
Start sweating every day.
This will make you feel better mentally and physically and that is a VIBE.
Everyone around you will feel it. They will know you are positive energy.

Keep crushing it, you are well on your way.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2024-05-17T13:13:00+00:00

Find some male friends to socialize with. Ideally they should be single but married friends could work as well as long as they have some positivity. Don’t hang out with negative people. You need a good support network. Sometimes you need your friends to drag you out of the house.

You are super young so that is in your favor.

Go out. Have a good time. Let things happen organically for now. Just start chatting up women as practice (even if you are not attracted to them).

berzerker5000 · 2024-05-17T04:21:33+00:00

Maybe start walking 10 minutes multiple times a day. Walking can be life changing. Gateway drug to the gym. Exercise helps your mood and energy level which helps you get out off the house and do stuff. Turn off the TV. At first may feel forced but make yourself go out and be social and meet people. Meet dude friends and girls. Socializing is also a muscle you gotta exercise and build a habit. Women want a man that takes care of himself physically and displays social intelligence/ is socially attune. Displays confidence. Then you are ready to date and pick up chicks.

Maximum_Use5854 · 2024-05-17T01:11:22+00:00

One foot in front of the other. Think through things you liked or wanted to do before her and give it a go.

HereinPA1 · 2024-05-16T20:30:21+00:00

I feel every word of this because I feel the same way. It’s like I’m waiting for permission to live my life again. I do still owe her another, and final, payment of $68k to settle up the equity of the house by the end of next month, and I guess subconsciously I need that to be gone to truly feel free from her.

Divorce was final a few weeks back and I suppose I still feel tied to her even though it’s all said and done? Do you feel that way?

I did so much with her and she’s the first person I thought about when making a decision and those bonds are very difficult to break. How do you stop considering someone when they were the first person you thought about in whatever you did?

She had no trouble though, she was fucking some new guy almost immediately.

Tied to a life that no longer exists is a horrible feeling and I know is holding me back. Not sure if you can relate, but if you do you’re not alone.

salty-sheep-bah · 2024-05-16T19:56:36+00:00

Start with the gym, that part you have full control over. Get ripped, get confident, dating will be easier. If you even choose to date.

Also, don't beat yourself up for watching tv and reading in bed. Those are important and there's nothing inherently wrong with either.

Title	How Do You Move Forward?
Author	brebel240
Upvotes	10
Comments	13
Date	May 16, 2024 6:27 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ctjwa5/how_do_you_move_forward/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-move-forward.1518672 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518672

Comments