How to deal with. . . .

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-06-19T13:50:24+00:00

Two issues to oversome with this - safety and this guy getting what should have been your time with your son.

As far as the safety issue run a background check. Easy and cheap. Do not skip this step. You just need his name and date of birth and $20.

When that comes back clear then trust that your co-parent has decent judgement. A healthy woman won't let a guy inside of her that she does not feel safe with. They have very good intuition when it comes to this - as long as they are healthy. I am going to assume she is since she was married to you and you are not abusive. You really have nothing to worry about as far as safety goes once you do your due diligence.

As far as losing out on time you need to realize to be the best version of yourself and the best dad you need your alone time away from your kids. So does your co-parent. You will both have much better relationships with your kids after divorce. When your time comes you will be refreshed, energized, and 100% present.

As for the new guy he is investing his time and money on your son. You get a male nanny for free. Does not cost you a dime, your ex is the one having to spread her legs to keep him around in the nanny role. You both get to use this bloke to your son's advantage, so be happy he is the doormat that he is. And whatever you do make sure you don't become a nanny to some other guy's kids.

DuelCitizener · 2024-06-19T12:26:59+00:00

I can identify with this feeling. I trust my ex that she knows what to do as she is as protective as I am - but still no other adult tells my kids what's what.

You have to remember you're not being substituted as a parent. It's a tough one for sure.

biscuts99 · 2024-06-19T10:01:11+00:00

I admit that I didn't like that my stbxw was having a new man around my son. Especially because I am still fighting for a fair amount of parenting time and she didn't even tell me it was happening.

But until proven otherwise you just have to assume your ex has half a brain and will hopefully pick her next partner to be someone as good as you.

Jiujitsu_Dude · 2024-06-19T04:09:58+00:00

I have 2 a boy and a girl, we divorced 4 years ago when my daughter was 3 and son was 6, luckily he’s not a bad guy. Kids like him and talk about him in a positive way so I have no problem with him. It’s not easy, he’s the dude she cheated with but It wasn’t exactly a happy marriage and it just is what it is. I’m much better off with her being his responsibility. I can appreciate that he’s not a bad guy and there’s way worse scenarios. I can’t do anything about it so I try and put the kids fist and appreciate that he’s a good dude and being a positive influence on them.

whoisgodiam · 2024-06-19T00:02:42+00:00

You are so lucky it’s not a daughter, Jesus

savage_cabbages · 2024-06-18T23:36:07+00:00

Just keep being a great dad, my kid now vocalises about my ex's partner, how lazy he is and just sits on the couch. You'll always be their No 1

crager34 · 2024-06-18T23:35:07+00:00

If you were dating a single mom and around her kid, would that kid be safe? Chances are rather strong that yours is safe as well, and it's OK to have those feelings about it also.

ArtichokeSavings9472 · 2024-06-18T23:15:30+00:00

Can’t control it can’t do anything about it . Better to focus on yourself. Being angry only hurts you out that energy into being the best father you can be stay strong man

Noobinpro · 2024-06-18T22:43:05+00:00

Focus on what you are in control of, the custody you have, your job, your body, hobbies and so on. Ruminating on this will only make you go crazy. Identify that you do not have control over the other party, never ever make a threat or lose your cool.

Title	How to deal with. . . .
Author	Aggravating_Text956
Upvotes	13
Comments	12
Date	June 18, 2024 10:23 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dj3bv4/how_to_deal_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-deal-with.1521989 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521989

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