How to improve custody chances?

The_Bearded_Cyclist · 2023-04-29T03:50:33+00:00

Go for primary care and then "settle" for 50/50

Father thinks 50/50 is a win.

Mother thinks 50/50 is a loss.

FunkyTownMascot · 2023-04-29T02:28:10+00:00

Your STBXW would either need to give it up voluntarily, move away to the point where she logistically cannot manage custody, or have some type of serious character flaw (drug/alcohol addiction, etc) that would deem her unfit for the kids.

Is there a reason you want more them 50/50 besides the obvious reason we all would? Such as, "I love my kids and don't want to be away from them?"

I ended up with full custody for a few years. But, I did it by playing dirty because she started the divorce by playing dirty (false accusations and getting me arrested for DV). So, I felt no guilt at all.

PatThePiper · 2023-04-29T02:15:06+00:00

Need a little more background on why the court would decide that it's not in the best interest of the kids to share 50/50 custody. It's great that you are considering yourself noble and all, but is your ex doing something to warrant anything less than 50/50.

nosweat2024 · 2023-04-29T02:22:26+00:00

Prayers and more prayers. Your religiosity may be a disadvantage, if she’s willing to lie about how she does all the cares, after school activities, doctor appointments and visits. If you have family or friends or neighbors who are willing to help, they could notarize letters or be available to testify that you’re a good dad and they’re willing to help with care if you were awarded custody. I say this because they normally associate us (men) with long hours away for work and never home to watch kids, which are bull.

jimsmythee · 2023-04-29T02:39:13+00:00

Well, I had 2 things going for me at divorce trial to get 50/50 custody.

I’m a good dad and I talked at trial about my relationships with my two kids.
My exwife had a recent conviction for “DUI with kids in the car” for when she crashed the car while driving high as a kite. “Yes your honor, I was able to take care of the kids alone while my wife was in jail.”

turbor · 2023-04-29T03:03:06+00:00

Make shit up, rewrite your memories, become a victim, call the police, tell them you’re afraid, submit an affidavit about the time she ate edibles with her girlfriends, ask the judge for a hair test on her, petition for a protective order, circle the wagons, blame everything on her, suggest that bruises on your child are child abuse. Call CPS, get them out and investigating. All you need is a narrative, the facts are totally irrelevant. Shade her on social media because “CPS is investigating”. Teach your child that her mother left the two of you and that she doesn’t love your kid anymore. In fact, let it be known that she even got investigated for being dangerous! Seriously, forget about custody, the holy grail is to convince your kid to not love her mom anymore! To hate and fear her.

The sad truth is that this is reality for so many fathers during and after divorce. A win for us is 50/50. And truly, that is overwhelmingly in the children’s best interest. The more fair it is, the better the coparenting relationship you will have. There is nothing that helps or hurts children of divorce more profoundly than that.

The thing about divorce with kids? Your ex doesn’t ever go away. Not until the kids are grown. You get to deal with shit and feelings every single day, for years. You need to work hard to separate fairly. It can have awful ripple effects for years if you don’t.

SII75 · 2023-04-29T04:42:13+00:00

You can’t do anything. Unless there is a meaningful change in habit where your wife is not keeping her time it will remain 50/50. Also God has nothing to do with your court matter unfortunately. Maybe in eternity but not here. Wives have affairs and custody doesn’t matter. Crazy I know. But that’s the world we live in.

LongWalksAtSunrise · 2023-04-29T11:03:02+00:00

Urgh. If you’re at the brink of a decision hopefully you’ve done enough already. I made a long post about this (look it up in my profile). A lot goes into custody decisions. A lot of variables from your stbxw, the lawyers, the law, court people (GALs etc), and finally the judge.

Sea_Capital168 · 2023-05-01T04:13:16+00:00

Fighting for it is already a good sign. Think about it, these judges deal with absolute shitheads all day every day. They often see deadbeat dads who don't actually care about the kids. Wanting to have your kids already looks good on you. Being a good man and providing a stable environment for the kids is what the judge is looking for. In my state, moms aren't automatically entitled to more than dads. My STBXW is about to get 20% custody and pay me child support because she fucked up really badly.

Title	How to improve custody chances?
Author	tecnic
Upvotes	4
Comments	13
Date	April 29, 2023 1:58 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/132gato/how_to_improve_custody_chances/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-improve-custody-chances.1217355 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217355

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