Wife tried serving me today and I froze and couldn't answer the door. She left exactly one month ago and this just seems to be moving so fast. Im too messed up to be in a court room yet.

Every time I start feeling a little better, reality hits again. I don't know how to make it through this. I don't meet with my new lawyer until the 3rd. Im not ready for any paperwork yet. I was going to have them write up an agreement and try to get her to sign.

She's in a hurry to get paid. She has my kids and is staying at her sister's and moms. She has my kids brainwashed that I don't care about them because I haven't handed her money. She's done this in the past and begged to come home but thats not the case this time.

I hope I can afford to live after this. This makes me physically ill and i just needed to vent somewhere.

I wish i could just cut her off and dissappear but obviously i cant. Nearly half my life wasted with this person. I cant show my fear and weakness. This world feels so dark now