I’m just can’t anymore.

Gattsama · 2022-05-13T23:51:07+00:00

Sorry you are going through this man. First you do matter, in fact you matter a lot. You are your son's father, and statically most likely to be his primary source for provision.

Here's the issue. Society has programmed us as men to be a service animal. We are defined by our roles (that they created): father, husband, employee, etc. We are walking ATMs and utility providers. So when those roles are taken away, we have nothing else to fill the gap and feel broken.

We surrendered our power, and then complain about being powerless. Fear of being alone is a female trait. As men we need to be comfortable in isolation. Step back and ask what is so horrible about being alone? why does this concern you?

We need to create a new mission for ourselves. This is why mass shooters then to be 35-50y white guys that lost their job. This is why divorce is the leading cause of suicide among adult men. Because we lack self actualization. Understand that anything that is given can be taken away. The only things we truly have control over are our thoughts and our feelings.

It's not the event itself that upsets a man, but his view of that event. You feel like you are dying because the main reasons for you to exist were all external. And now that they are being removed you are feeling like you don't matter. You have made yourself a tool. A broken hammer is just that broken, you throw it away because it's no longer of any use.

Step way back brother. You are NOT a tool. It's going to take work and time, but you can create an inner mission for yourself. Work on being self actualized and be stronger after all this is over.

First, step back and write down what an ideal man is to you. Someone who is physically fit, emotional fit, mentally fit and financially fit. Then start taking the steps to create that in your life. Let no one define you but you. Society is ripping away everything that they claimed you needed to do and be. But they LIED, they don't care about you or even like you. They just wanted to turn us into useful tools. And since they can't force us to do that, they tricked us: a real man would, a strong man does, be a provider, happy wife = happy life, toxic masculinity, etc.

It's going to get better. Remember thousands of men have come before you and came out the otherside. You will too. If you find yourself in the dark reach out to other men, friends, family, this group and therapy.

Stay safe...

Eve-3 · 2022-05-13T20:38:55+00:00

You matter. You matter to your son. Imagine how devastated he would be to lose you completely. Imagine him getting off that bus and no one greets him. How long will he stand there alone wondering what happened to the man he trusted the most. Someone has to help that little boy grow up to be a good man. He's put all of his trust in you. Don't fail him.

gardy777 · 2022-05-13T21:12:58+00:00

You feel alone, but you are not alone. One foot in front of the other. Have a glass of water and watch your favorite show for a bit. No intoxicating substances today, they can wait. Good luck buddy

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-05-13T21:11:56+00:00

You gotta pull it together. Your son is counting on you. Fathers are not second-class parents, no matter how much his mother tells you that.

> now she wants to take my sunshine from me

My hill to die on was 50% parenting time with my sons. It was my first thought when I woke up in the morning, and my last when I went to sleep. Every action of mine led me to that outcome.

saintduckias · 2022-05-13T21:14:31+00:00

You matter brother, do it for the boy. Do it to spite her. Do it for the masculine urge to conquer demons. I know it's not easy. I'm not gonna pretend to understand the depth of your despair, but I know the depths of mine. The nagging voice of doubt and fear, the unsettling realization that the world doesn't care. So sack the fuck up, and be the strong male role model your little boy needs you to be. Be strong brother.

monster_dutson · 2022-05-13T22:03:53+00:00

I know its rough. He needs you to guide and teach him. You need to be the one strong and stoic person he can count on! You need to do it for yourself as well! You are not alone!

knight-c6 · 2022-05-13T22:12:22+00:00

Get your shit together, your kid needs you.

InWeGoNow · 2022-05-13T22:59:46+00:00

Been there dude. Sucks! My thoughts are that you're going to fight an emotional war for a while here. Don't go into it without being in peek shape. Eat right. Work out. Go to bed early. No alcohol. This will all help lower your baseline for stress so you can stay under the breaking point when bad feelings inevitably happen.

Think of prepping for the Superbowl every day, but you're Superbowl is maximum fun and impact with your son. We're all in this together.

cmac_yeg · 2022-05-13T23:11:58+00:00

I am an island, I am a rock and a rock feels no pain and island never cries…..be the best you can be. You are a rock if not for you then for your son but keep moving forward.

HENKH4L · 2022-05-13T23:18:14+00:00

You do matter, for your son. Eventually for yourself too!

Hang in there. As dark as it gets as bright it will be!🔥

research002019 · 2022-05-14T01:01:19+00:00

You will be happier and so will your son. It's a hard pill to swallow, but I promise. Hang in there and keeping being a good dad.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-05-14T02:45:44+00:00

i've been dealing with false rape charges for 2.5 years just so she could prevent me seeing kids.

I'm in my 3rd year and things are looking better. I'm sure yours will too soon. Hang in there - we're all in this together.

Buckyohare84 · 2022-05-14T11:21:44+00:00

My Ex have been putting me through this shit for 1.5 years. 80K in and haven't been to trial yet. I understand the feeling like the world is collapsing. Keep fighting. You giving up is the goal your ex has set for her self. They have cart blanch on being horrible human beings and you have to eat that shit. The best advice I have been given is to kill them with kindness. Be strong, put your nose to the grind stone and push forward. One day it will be over and you can strut with confidence that your are an amazing father for fighting through hell and back for you kid.

sc0rp1ol0v3 · 2022-05-14T17:54:25+00:00

Not much detail in your post, but you're right...you need to stay strong, focus on you, your situation and your son. Write your goals down and work hard at reaching your goals. Don't focus on what she is doing. Focus on what you're doing and what you CAN do to improve your life. Be consistent and have iron will.

Jbr74 · 2022-05-13T20:38:22+00:00

Pretty sure you matter to your son.

Paramore-paradox · 2022-05-13T21:36:18+00:00

Hey bud, I understand completely. I’ve been down this road recently, till I held a picture of my son. He is 10, he is my world. Hit the gym, get a therapist. It will help immensely. There is nothing quite like pouring sweat out of your body, and seeing results. Then pouring your heart out to a licensed professional about your psyche. Eating right helps as well. Show your son, even in the most trying times, that you are indeed Superman. That no matter what life throws at you, you are there for him, and there for yourself. I am rooting for you and for your son. A boy needs his dad, just as much as you need him.

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2022-05-13T22:01:15+00:00

My wife has BPD. Near the end of our marriage, I felt like this, too. Tons of therapy helped me.

Hang in there!!

Masypha · 2022-05-14T08:35:01+00:00

Read the unplugged alpha by richard cooper and rational male by rollo tomassi

eanalo86 · 2022-05-14T11:43:59+00:00

Sorry to hear, the setbacks you're facing feels like you're carrying the weight of world but with each passing day you'll get stronger and the weight will get lighter.

Your son will look to you as a role model on what a great man is. A proud man that leads and hold true to his values.

A reliable man that picks up his son rain or shine from the bus stop. A quality man that shows care and empathy. The type of man his son can lean on as his rock.

I hope with each day you can inch a step forward. It's the incremental steps that builds momentum and carries us forward.

Title	I’m just can’t anymore.
Author	upfnothing
Upvotes	15
Comments	27
Date	May 13, 2022 8:30 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/up0obu/im_just_cant_anymore/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/im-just-cant-anymore.1114344 https://theredarchive.com/post/1114344

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