Irritated

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2022-05-28T00:53:43+00:00

Repeat after me:

“That sounds like a chore a husband would perform”.

Eve-3 · 2022-05-28T00:21:42+00:00

You are allowed to stop answering her cries for help.

James1933-75 · 2022-05-28T00:40:44+00:00

You just need to say NO.

My stbxw made her life decisions, and now that we are on the divorce path, I just keep telling her to have her boyfriend do it (she is a serial cheater).

Idaho2A · 2022-05-28T00:40:33+00:00

Not divorced yet but I’m on my way to. I’m the person who has always done everything for her. And I mean everything. I know she will struggle being alone but it was her choice to get a divorce. I have explained to her that she needs to start taking care of things herself because once we are done and I’m out of the house then I will NOT go help her unless it’s about our daughter.

Fyfel · 2022-05-28T01:36:53+00:00

Not your monkey, not your circus anymore man. You gotta see healthy boundaries for yourself with her. She will continue to lean on you out of familiarity and comfort. You have to look out for you and your kids if you have any.

denvercaniac · 2022-05-28T02:57:54+00:00

Focus on making friends with men to deal with your abandonment issues.

I'd stop doing anything for her as much as you can.

thedarkaquarian007 · 2022-05-28T03:42:32+00:00

She "leans on you more than ever?" Google. Narcissistic personality disorder and Hoovering".

She trying to suck you back into her toxic relationship like a vacuum cleaner. If you do not have children. tell her to Fuck Off and seek counseling.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-05-28T05:27:04+00:00

Do you have children together? If you don't then start blocking her on all media.

Be strong brother.

You got this.

akihonj · 2022-05-28T07:13:23+00:00

You need some serious therapy, time away in the bush doing man's stuff, why in the hell are you being captain save a hoe for an exwife who wanted her freedom.

Try practicing this statement

That sounds like a job for a husband

Stop enabling her behaviour. She wanted the divorce you owe her nothing more than you're legally required.

pegleg_legal · 2022-05-29T06:54:43+00:00

Boundaries dude.

upfnothing · 2022-05-28T12:19:29+00:00

I told mine: “why don’t you call one of those random guys you were banging behind my back to take care of that?”

That’s a polite version for y’all. I have since grown. She is now claiming financial stress as a reason to move out of decree. The same stress I fought during reconciliation to avoid in the future. See a pattern OP?

Which she then didn’t care about as she chose to stroll like an alley cat back to one of her tomcats. (I caught her before her trip, she probably still did anyway). But now the consequences hit home and she needs to screw you over to solve them. See a pattern OP?

My advice is simple. OP stop being a simp. She will not appreciate your gestures because she didn’t appreciate them when married.

EntertainmentFree512 · 2022-05-28T13:08:47+00:00

Certainly you can stop answering her cries. I see this a bit different. Yes, boundaries are critical. If seeing her screws you up for a day or days, then don't see her. Inform her you an help but she has to leave the house while your there? If you want to take the high ride, try to. Doing the next right thing lets you sleep with a clear conscience. So, maybe let her know you'll help if x, y, z. Do things when convenient for you, sacrifices shouldn't happen.

Knowing your issues (abandonment) is a major step to loving yourself. Two years seems like a lot, but in actuality it may not be. Keep going to therapy. Remember all the pressures the relationship created for you that now are gone. Make a gratitude list of the simple things. You are doing better than you realize.

Ridethelightning1987 · 2022-05-28T14:20:23+00:00

Listen man she ended it. It’s ok to still care but you are no longer her husband. Tell her straight up that those days are over and you will take the kids but she’s responsible for herself and will be out on the streets.

warrior_up · 2022-05-28T15:47:28+00:00

Quit being nice, quit people Pleasing

Gattsama · 2022-05-28T16:33:01+00:00

If you don't have kids she does NOT lean on you, you support her. Even with kids it's still your choice. You do not owe her, you do not take care of her, you do not have to do anything for her, she does not own you, she does not control you. The only person that controls you is you. You are given her access to you, do not be pissed at her. Be pissed at yourself for allowing and choosing to let her in.

Once you accept that this is under your control, you can make different choices. She's not going to change, and even if she could you can't control it. But you can control you.

Again, if no kids. If kids then co-parent might need to be only parallel parent.

Title	Irritated
Author	Stance1207
Upvotes	15
Comments	25
Date	May 27, 2022 11:59 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/uzb89s/irritated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/irritated.1118357 https://theredarchive.com/post/1118357

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