Is divorced worth it?

No-Resolution5794 · 2026-08-08T03:05:04+00:00

Brother, sounds like you have 99 problems but your wife ain't one. At least not as you describe her. I'm getting divorced from an abusive cheater and I still feel gutshot every day. Of course your wife is never going to compete with some Candyland fantasy ex that you have constructed in your head. No real flesh and blood woman could. You mentioned substance abuse. You seem low on self esteem and lack your own independent social life and ability to just feel good in your own skin. Good news is those are all 1000x easier to fix than going through a divorce.

ArizonaSpartan · 2026-08-07T21:38:15+00:00

Unless there’s some cultural issue you haven’t disclosed, there really isn’t a reason for the you to think you have marry someone from the town to be part of it.

Sorry, not sorry, it just sounds like dumb thinking.

You live there, sounds like for a few years, you are part of the town. You pay taxes, live in the community, follow the laws and have created a home.

The situation is what you make of it. You’re pining for a dream that died long ago. Don’t look back, you’re not going that way. Onward and forward.

And you owe it to your son to make your marriage work. You should be romancing your wife and taking some action towards building the marriage you want. The woman is interchangeable in that context, except if she’s crazy or against you.

probebeta · 2026-08-07T01:41:51+00:00

It's a tough spot and I understand the feeling of being trapped. Two things I can say from experience. One is that your market value out there with a 2 year old has just dropped significantly. You may be able to reconnect with some chick you liked before, but she's going to have expectations. But you're going to be in playgrounds with your kid, and you should be doing g that. Second, is that if you do want to make it work you need to make the marriage functional and not deviate from that too much. Otherwise, it will be her that's going to want a divorce later and it won't be pretty. Actually a third too, being divorced dad is a really busy life... If you're not prepared for it then reconsider. Gets better when kid grows up but it's still busy.

One_Mathematician864 · 2026-08-07T00:34:39+00:00

You're a man and you made a conscious decision to get someone pregnant, and said vows.

Unless she broke those vows by cheating or she clearly only married you for the green card, then I think everything else can be worked through.

If she's a good woman, loyal and a good parent, you're already doing better than most of us in this sub.

From the sounds of it, I suspect you already have an eye on a local woman who makes you feel like the grass will be greener there. No it isn't. And you will make the biggest mistake of your life for abandoning your child based on "feelings" that there's better for you out there.

threeLetterMeyhem · 2026-08-06T22:02:47+00:00

Divorce is the worst thing I ever gone through and I don't wish it on anyone.

I also think you're falling into the "the one that got away" hollywood movie trope. Thinking things would have been better with your ex is a fantasy. I mean, maybe they would have... Or maybe she would have gone crazy and set your house on fire with your family inside. Whatever is in your head is an idealized make believe world of the best possible way things could have turned out, which is rarely reality.

My advice: don't get divorced so you can chase something you already have - a good woman and a peaceful home. If you don't love her and can't figure out how to make it work, that's different... Just don't make the decision divorce about you finding someone better, it needs to just simply be about your marriage and whether it should end on its own merits.

Outside-Jicama-8468 · 2026-08-06T19:42:28+00:00

The thing I will say is that you need to quit telling yourself that you will never find a woman as a divorced dad.

I went on a first date last week. We talked over dinner and she asked if she could see a picture of my kids. Normally, I'm hesitant but I did it because she seemed interested. Not sure if she could pick up on my hesitation, but she said that she would be dating us, not just me. And she wants to make sure that she doesn't come between the kids and I. This woman, and everything we've talked about, we just mesh so well.

So, is divorce worth it? Let's just say a year ago, I would have been begging my ex to come back to me. I never figured I would ever meet another woman that would have any interest in me. Now, if I had known then what I know now, it would have saved me a lot of distress and tears that were not necessary.

RespectInevitable479 · 2026-08-06T18:53:31+00:00

Leave just remember to take care of your child. You can’t force this. End It now or you may end up losing your business in the future

No_Code6755 · 2026-08-06T18:30:25+00:00

Sorry man, but it feels like you are looking for confirmation and resolution from fellow men instead of growing a pair and decide and then own your decision. You keep repeating your thoughts because you haven’t received the answer you came for. I’m sorry if I sound harsh, don’t know you and I mean no offence. But if you just need encouragement here it is: if you are unhappy with your marriage and see no chance of fixing it, ignore any other circumstance and get a divorce. If you are miserable that will impact your family. Maybe not today, but on the long run for sure. It is a difficult situation and you’ll potentially never be 100% sure if you are making a good decision, regardless what it will be. But that’s life man, very few things are 100% certain.

Whisk3yChuck · 2026-08-06T17:15:56+00:00

You are 34, an adult. Go to therapy, go to couples therapy. See how you feel after a bit of that. Then make an adult decision. Divorce could possible hurt your son. That’s why work through your feelings and see. Ultimately you are a grown ass adult, you are going to piss people off all the time. People even might think you are a failure. Who cares, your family and friends should know you. Your priorities are not straight if a concern is meeting a quality woman when you are not even divorced. Look into getting some help. Grow up
Divorce fucking sucks

Whisk3yChuck · 2026-08-06T17:14:57+00:00

Sounds like you have made up your mind. You might find someone that is magical in bed from your hometown, that connects with you on all levels. I give that about a 1-5% chance. You will most likely be crawling back to your now wife when you get a little lonely after a year and haven’t found that up on a pedestal wife.
Due your self a favor, go to counseling, swallow your pride, be open and honest with your wife in therapy that way she knows and it is a safe place. And after awhile if you still feel that way then get divorced. Atleast try a few things, instead of wishing and having disdain and regret. Being an adult is hard. At least respect your wife enough to go to counseling and being open about your thoughts

tinrooster2005 · 2026-08-06T16:01:38+00:00

No. I have matured enough to know that most marriages are far less than perfect. Maybe 1 in a 100k have a dream marriage. Lets review the facts:

You state your wife is a good woman

You have a peaceful home

A 2 year old son

vs.

a moderately boring life in the suburbs with a wife you say you don't respect or deeply love.

You will not likely find better than this, I'm going to assume you are average at everything, that being said your options will mostly likely be a single mother with one or more kids, a reduced income d/t child support and the loss of full time access to your son. Does this sound better to you?

It might be worth investing in what you have to improve how you feel about your situation. The grass is rarely greener when it comes to relationships.

painfulletdown · 2026-08-06T15:45:24+00:00

Normally I'm an advocate for divorce, but that's in cases where the spouse is an evil succubus. When that is the case, divorce is magical. I'm not seeing you say anything bad about her. Sounds like you just want better. If your wife is not crazy or abusive and has sex with you regularly, then you have are tremendously lucky. I don't think there's many out there.

Apprehensive_Rip_201 · 2026-08-06T15:43:51+00:00

It's not worth it, if you have a functional marriage free of abuse. Whatever annoyance you think you'll rid yourself of, will be replaced by a financial and custody nightmare.

Try to make it work. You can revisit this when your kid is grown up.

crankyrhino · 2026-08-06T15:25:32+00:00

My wife is not from this area. I’m 34 years old and wish I married a local girl.

Who is she? Perhaps tied to the business you're a part of?

DeerWhisperer1 · 2026-08-06T14:47:29+00:00

Divorce sucks. The end.

BicycleFeeling22 · 2026-08-06T14:38:17+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Ok-Jelly-5697 · 2026-08-06T14:31:52+00:00

Divorce is a pain that can't be described and a process that sucks the life out of you and your wallet. Either go to counseling and try to sort it out, or be ready for a year (at least) of grief.

I'm not even completely divorced yet and I can say with certainty that I hate my life.

Prestigious-Read5368 · 2026-08-06T14:30:57+00:00

Divorce itself is painless. It's a decree made by a judge.

The processes around that decree, including buildup and aftermath, however, is a bitch.

That said, it depends on you. You are choosing what you focus on. You are choosing to attach meaning to your circumstances the way you are. What if one day you woke up and said, this ain't so bad? It's all a matter of perspective and what you're willing to go through.

Ask yourself some great questions, then ask a few better questions, including what you want and why. That will give you insight.

Best of luck.

Title	Is divorced worth it?
Author	BicycleFeeling22
Upvotes	3
Comments	48
Date	August 6, 2026 2:26 PM UTC (2 days ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1vh5rsm/is_divorced_worth_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-divorced-worth-it.1632162 https://theredarchive.com/post/1632162

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