Maybe the wrong thing to do

YesterdayFormal4359 · 2023-12-13T11:31:42+00:00

I (42) had my breaking moment in April of this year. Drove my car to the most isolated meaningless spot I could find. Loaded gun in the glovebox. Luckily instead of putting it to my head and pulling the trigger I answered my phone and talked to my younger brother (40). Taking his call was the first step in my healing journey. I finally got the help for my life long battle with depression I so desperately needed. I’m still a work in progress and it’s been a rough year. I’m 6 months separated from my STBXW and in the middle of the divorce process and custody battle. The most important thing is I didn’t make a permanent and life ending decision to a temporary problem. I try my best to focus on the words of men on here who are on the other side of divorce: This too shall pass and better days will come. You gotta be here though for that to happen. To think I almost left my 3 year old daughter fatherless is something I’m not sure I’ll ever fully reconcile with, but what matters is I am still here working on being the best father I can be. Please call 988 if you haven’t already. We all may be strangers here, but share an unfortunate bond that allows us to understand and support each other. Stick with us brother. You have value and worth beyond your marriage.

Classic-Ad8157 · 2023-12-13T10:46:15+00:00

Bubba,

I’ve been there, only six months ago on the night she served me. There is so much life that’s worth living for, you just need to suffer through the suck first. I promise you it gets better.

DM me and I’ll give you my # if you want.

NoResolution6666 · 2023-12-13T11:40:42+00:00

Hey it really sucks to be where you're at OP. But you don't have to make a final decision today. Put that decision off for a few days.

Ya know this is going to pass. Might pass like a kidney stone, But It Will Pass.

IDK its good to feel the feels - but Feelings Aren't Facts.

Rooting for ya.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-12-13T13:27:15+00:00

I’ve been there brother. I vividly remember wanting to hang myself with an extension cord in the garage back in February. I have never had a suicidal thought in my life but her affair and cruelty just crushed me.

If you have kids picture their faces.

This is rock bottom. Find comfort in the fact that this is as bad as it can possibly get and things will get better from this moment forward if you try.

There are thousands of men on this sub that have been in your exact situation. We got better and you will to. Hang in there man, if you need to talk you can DM me.

JJJflight · 2023-12-13T12:57:03+00:00

Hey brother, that is a permanent decision to a temporary problem. There are people who love you and need you. Breath deep and slow and go get yourself to a hospital, people want to help you, you are not alone, we are with you.

HotShark97 · 2023-12-13T22:40:36+00:00

Hey OP, please check back in with us. We’ve got your back and would like to know you’re okay.

myxyplyxy · 2023-12-13T15:33:00+00:00

I am sorry you are here saying these words. That is the loneliest place. I can only echo what others are saying, because their words are true.

I am not a believer in the christian god, nor would i advocate for religion. So keep that in mind when i say, drive to a church. They are usually open. Go sit in the empty space. Dont pray, dont do anything but be there. Churches have a physical design that allows the spirit (whatever that means to you) to rest for a minute. It is something about open vaulted contained spaces. You dont have to explain why you are there or talk to anyone. If someone approaches you and you dont want to speak, just thank them and let yourself be in the space.

For some, nature can do the same. Again, im not religious, and find no peace in it. But the physical space can be helpful. It can hold you.

No_War3532 · 2023-12-13T16:14:01+00:00

Sometimes I have to focus on far future things like my son growing up without me. Sometimes it’s just what I have to do the next day. Take it a day at a time. String your wins together until you’re climbing out of it.

Good luck.

Jbr74 · 2023-12-13T19:07:16+00:00

I know it sucks right now, and I know how bad you feel.

Four years ago, I bought a gun (from a shady dude in a grocery store parking lot) because I intended on killing myself. I chickened out and just straight up tried to poison/OD because I knew my mom would find me and Id rather find myself just sleeping instead of brains on the wall or in my car.

So I can fully relate to how low you feel right now. I was right there once with you at rock bottom.

Now, thankfully, it's been 4+ years, and I didn't quite do that job right, though I did end up in a coma and ICU for three weeks.

But I'm so glad I didn't die; I promise you things get better. I know you don't believe it because neither did I. But it's true.

And now I have a 6-month old grandson that I almost never got to meet, and I was holding him yesterday and was thinking about how I almost missed out on meeting him.

IT IS A TEMPORARY PROBLEM.

I know life seems unbearable right now, but check yourself into a hospital now. If you are willing to harm yourself, you have nothing to lose.

martinG8736 · 2023-12-14T05:37:01+00:00

I will be open and honest with everyone that has responded to my plea and I do take it to heart. I've questioned everything about my life from the start and it is a long story of where I've been and how I got to this point. I 100% feel like a lost soul, a walking talking empty egg shell and I do sit with that stupid thing every once in a while knowing that it will happen. Sometimes it's been so damn close and others it's set with me in silence. Last night, I felt weak for not doing what I feel needs to be done but an obligation I have with myself to see another situation through first. I know most things will pass but what I have affecting my life won't disappear. I'm sure it don't make sense and I'm trying. I would do anything to hear the right words that will change how I'm thinking. My youthful past issues are here with me, my recent past issues are stuck with me for life, and my current to date issues are wrecking me. Again it probably makes no sense. I just don't know anymore how to keep going on. I do have 4 daughters... I know this will hurt them and I hate that I brought them into this world and have felt like this for a while. I'm at peace with the decision and have letters stashed away but before then I need to keep hanging on for this last situations results.

PepsiCola000 · 2023-12-13T09:48:19+00:00

Brother, ending your life is something many of us have already thought about, but that's the cowardly way out, are you that weak? Maybe you might be thinking I want to hurt my ex so much and give her so much guilt by killing myself, then she will see how she wronged me....but the truth is, the only person you're hurting by these suicidal thoughts is yourself and your children. If you want revenge, the best way to do it is to better yourself through this deepest darkest time in your life. Nothing will hurt your ex more than seeing you happy and successful without her in the future. We will all die and be done with our pain soon enough, why hurry up the process? Fight for your children and for revenge, fight for your happiness, that is the warrior path. Please search your soul and drop the lowly ego, the cowardly weak ego that wants to give up and always looking for the easy way out.

Your true self is apart from your ego, the ego is the mask that you've been wearing for society and every waking day since childhood, it has clouded your true self, like a dirty mirror you cannot barely see who you really are. You are eternally happy, bright and full of life, why are babies and children so happy with barely nothing? And why as we grow older our happiness declines? Because everyday we give in to our ego, we seek things such as material wealth, we greed for lust, acceptance and attachments. Everyday the mask that we wear gets more and more glued to our face until we can't distinguish the difference between our true self and our ego. Clean the mirror each day, drop the mask when you can, and quiet the mind. Then maybe you will see who you really are...someone truly honorable and eternally happy.

rhett342 · 2023-12-13T15:44:43+00:00

Hey there, friend. I know how dark of space you're in right now because I've been there too. My words aren't so great and I'm not the best at talking people through this but some people are trained to help you. Call or text 988. Those are good folks who want to hear from you and know what they're doing.

VermicelliTop3476 · 2023-12-13T18:36:26+00:00

You're in a cloud my friend. You are in no shape to make any decisions.

View this as a trick of the mind. Because that's what it is. Trust me, I know all about it. I was diagnosed bipolar at 28. I'm 52 now and still piecing it all together. My thoughts get out of my control on a regular basis. I shelter and wait for tomorrow. Or next week. Or next month.

I'm assuming you're going through a divorce because of the sub.

My own divorce (a year old now) was hell on earth. It was two years of unknowns, stress, horrible fighting, and financial issues. There was no end to it. 20 months in and it had gone no where. There were some incredibly bad days. Just getting through an hour was horrible.

But just get through it. There is light at the end of the tunnel. And there will be good times again.

Title	Maybe the wrong thing to do
Author	martinG8736
Upvotes	14
Comments	20
Date	December 13, 2023 7:54 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18hbslf/maybe_the_wrong_thing_to_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/maybe-the-wrong-thing-to-do.1240640 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240640

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