Mediation vs. Court

ToddPackersBrother · 2022-01-13T14:15:56+00:00

The mediator will lean on the weaker party and get them to settle. It's their job. Be vigilant in detecting your attorney capitulating with the mediator and her attorney.

You need a trial date to really have mediation be successful if you just wasted 6 hours

ABBucsfan · 2022-01-13T14:18:52+00:00

Third option..mediaruon/arbitration. A lawyer that will actually make binding decisions and play judge if mediation fials. At least here. Been there, done that, sounds like it'll be a waste of time like it was for me. Mediation only works if you both basically already agree and not much of a divide. Simple cases where you just decide we are splitting everything including the kids equally. Mine involved family gifts and a spouse who wanted them majority for no good reason and even started throwing out falser allegations once things started going south with the lawyers much later.

Knowing who I was dealing with I don't know why I agreed to mediation. Was money down the drain and had to start from scratch mostly. They are only there to facilitate discussion.. or at least supposed to be. Think mediator saw easiest path for her to finish her job was lean on me and make me take the L since I'm agreeable but I lawyered up when it was too rediculous and I wasn't going to be left with much of anything and a. Every second weekend dad. At least here mediators usually paid flat fee up front.. so it'd not in their best interest to be accurate or fair.. just wrap it up asap. Also means our s got paid for not knowing wtf she was talking about. She had a course in financial separation, but wasnt even a lawyer but pretended she was. Didn't know rules for financial gifts at all but claimed she asked lawyers she knew

My ex basically thought her life wasn't going to change at all, I'd just be out of the house, she'd keep everything, but still giving her everything I earn. After I lawyered up and sent to first session of med/arb (that's what I ended up doing with mediator/arbitrator being an actual lawyer and ability to make binding decisions if mediation fails) she didn't the first session in another room crying while her lawyer dealt with it. My lawyer said rarely do these things go to court. Med/arb is the usual alternative if straight mediation doesn't work

HelixFish · 2022-01-13T20:40:31+00:00

Mediation worked for me. My ex used the initial sessions to bitch about me and say how unfair life was. Mediator was mid-70s and had heard all that shit before. He was strictly letter of the law but told us both we could do whatever we wanted. That said, he clearly explained to both of us what our rights were. He was super fair. Any difference in court would have been eclipsed many times over by lawyer costs. In the end, it was 50/50 kids and assets which was all I wanted. I’m the one that wanted the divorce, but didn’t think less than 50/50 was fair to anyone. That all said, my ex absolutely has a fairness hangup and wasn’t trying for much different than 50/50. She never understood financials so a lot of time was spent educating her on assets, debts, income streams, and cash flow. Best of luck to you.

derelictherds · 2022-01-13T22:15:05+00:00

IMO if you and stbx are mostly already on the same page, then mediation might work for fleshing out details and settling small-ticket issues. Ultimately your stbx is responsible for green-lighting yesterday's witch hunt.

RepresentativeOk5968 · 2022-01-13T17:15:07+00:00

Well for me our mediation lasted 8 hours (!) and ultimately I gave up more than I thought I would have to. Maybe I had unrealistic expectations of what I was going to need to pay for a 5 year marriage. But she had mental health issues (that had cropped up in the last year) and hadn't worked full time for about 2 years. I was the primary breadwinner so I knew I was going to pay.

Not going to lie, I cried at the end of the mediation because of how much I was going to have to pay this cheating ex-spouse of mine (Oh I also had the privilege of paying for the entire mediation fee too...). Ultimately though, I was relieved it was over and I could have the end in sight. Lawyer fees were already eating up a good amount of money as well. I was very close to terminating the mediation and taking her ass to court though because of her money grubbing. I told mediator point blank if this last offer doesn't go through, I'm walking and I'll see her in court where I would be out for blood then.

In your case, only you can tell if another round of mediation will be helpful. If you think your ex and lawyer are going to play games, don't bother and take your chances.

Third_Eye78 · 2022-01-13T17:57:06+00:00

I gave up on mediation after 3 sessions when it was very clear the mediator was leaning heavily to my ex. In my experience mediator will only work if both parties are mostly agreeable on issues. Either way, good luck man!

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2022-01-13T18:31:38+00:00

Did you have trial date scheduled? It is a key for successful mediation.

mehmench · 2022-01-14T01:49:53+00:00

First step is to work with your attorney to understand what you're entitled to and what you aren't. What you are entitled to, ask for and don't back down on unless the other party is giving something equitable in return. What you aren't entitled to - be ready to deal on. If you're going for primary custody of your children you better have an iron clad reason to do so otherwise you're just wasting money. By Iron clad I mean - criminal charges could be filed. Otherwise the court isn't going to want to take the kids from someone who is otherwise at minimum a barely passable parent. The law doesn't require someone to be a good parent.

Get what you're entitled to. Deal on what you aren't. Try to get out as quickly as you can. It really shouldn't more than a few 2 hour sessions to see if mediation is going to work or not in an average household division. If you're more well off with more property and such maybe it takes longer.

Fighting for shit isn't worth it and only drives the cost up negating the win.

monknow · 2022-01-14T00:51:27+00:00

I am watching this. I’m getting to the end of mediation myself.

vo_boi · 2022-01-14T01:34:12+00:00

Go to meditation and leave with 50/50.

Took me over 10 hours but I got what I needed.

Court probably would have gotten me more if facts mattered but the fact was the room was bias against me and I felt like the court would be too. 50/50 on everything was a happy ending.

Fight for it, don't give too much too soon. Always aim for 50/50 because "why wouldn't it be?" <= Make them(the room) answer that.

DearInsect9258 · 2022-01-14T03:12:35+00:00

Went to mediation recently, was a waste of 2 hours (3 if you include 1hr prep w/ my lawyer). Agreed on kid stuff (50/50 timeshare) but finances were way far apart. I tried to talk to her weeks before the mediation but she rebuffed every attempt to talk about money so I knew ahead of time it might be a waste of time. I feel your pain. My side set a court date so hopefully cooler heads will prevail but who knows. Best of luck to you.

AdministrationEast88 · 2022-01-14T05:29:30+00:00

Without a doubt go to mediation….I understand everyone has different outcomes but mine was in favor of 50/50 if it things get dirty they’ll be able to tell the judge on your behalf of your character and moral judgment. If you rely on attorneys, they will always paint a picture of you that makes you seem like the bad guy. I would do mediation or even better would be domestic conciliation. If you have questions or want to discuss strategy I would be happy to help.

Title	Mediation vs. Court
Author	Tricky-Attention-466
Upvotes	6
Comments	20
Date	January 13, 2022 1:34 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/s2zkvt/mediation_vs_court/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/mediation-vs-court.1096438 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096438

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