Need to get over her

aquatic-dreams · 2024-01-09T23:34:42+00:00

It sucks. But remind yourself, all the time you were confused as fuck, had your feelings hurt, and were ignored she was going out of her way to make sure she saw you in as poor a light as possible. It might of taken a lot of effort or none, it didn't matter. She knew she was done long before you did. Her friends and her family knew more about your marriage than you did, which is petty fucked up. And all this time you've spent missing her, feeling like shit, wallowing, crying, what iffing, wanting to reach out for a speck of validation is shit, she was done with you before hand. You were there when she rewrote your history, and you were treated poorly through the process. You spent a lot of time together and brains are lazy dopamine whores. So it's going to throw images and memories of her up, hoping for a fix. But that's all it is.

Do you really want to go back to someone who feels that little for you. Someone who can hurt you that much. And then as a final blow feel relieved and free after dumping your ass. You want to go through that again? Fuck her.

Your brain is a dick. And you think about her out of habit. You have a lot of emotional and possibly financial holes to fill. And the person you also went to. The person you relied. That person should have been yourself. And it will be. Once you step back. Look at your circumstances as you're a third party. Talk to yourself like you would your best friend going through this. And realize,c she's been done this whole time. It's a waste of your time to stay in the past. So when your brain throws those memories up, acknowledge them like you would a billboard on the freeway and then drive past it.

Fuck her. Focus on you and your future.

wisstinks4 · 2024-01-09T05:05:48+00:00

OP, sorry you are wrestling with the mental part of D. I’m sure I would be in the same space. If you can let go of her free rent in your mind, you may be moving on sooner. Distract yourself with work projects, get a dog, volunteer at the animal shelter a couple times a week. Pick up a new hobby.

I wish you well in your recovery and new chapter in life.

PositivePuzzled65 · 2024-01-08T23:00:10+00:00

Do you want anymore children?

If no her usefulness has run out. No need to replace an obsolete part.

Jsutton3187 · 2024-01-08T22:56:40+00:00

Tough. Hang in there. About to final mediate after 19 yrs of marriage here. You're not the only one in the boat, but remember she's not worth your time anymore. Get someone else to make you forget. It works for me.

Tasty_Yogurt_9478 · 2024-01-08T21:31:23+00:00

Say it with me. Fuck that bitch. Now it's her loss, not yours. You know what you're worth

playerknowmore · 2024-01-08T19:41:02+00:00

The energy you are wasting on her should be redirected to you. Never give anyone all of your heart again. Women should be allowed in your life by the value they add. People who lie and cheat can not add value because they are takers.

At some point, you will have to realize you are the main character in your life. Everyone else is expendable. As long as you live, people are going to come and leave you. Some permanently through death. Some because one of you needs to grow.

Love needs to be reciprocated. Without reciprocation, it stops being love and becomes worship. Why would anyone worship someone who lies cheats and destroyed your life

I like how David Goggin's advice on men getting divorced. Fuck her! Did you love her. Were you good to her. If this was the case, FUCK HER! Let her go.

obstinateoranges · 2024-01-08T17:29:29+00:00

Remember to take perspective, you are mourning someone you love. It doesnt matter how they treated you because you still loved them through it anyways. That makes you a good man. Good men mourn when hurt.

Im about a month into mine of a decade, and what I can tell you is, let yourself cry. if you feel lit, let the tears fall. You have a unique opportunity to melt alot of walls right now by doing this. But most importantly, give yourself some grace. If you were a bad guy, you wouldnt care about this. What you are seeing, is your true nature which appears to be caring about her even if she didnt about you

krazykanuck · 2024-01-08T06:04:18+00:00

It may help to try to shift your thinking about it. You don’t love her, you love the idea of her, or what she used to be. You can mourn that, just like the death of any loved one. The person the remains is not what you love, how could it be since they treat you so poorly.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-01-08T04:55:15+00:00

It’s okay to be a mess. The fact that you can keep it behind closed doors - awesome!

woundedsurfer · 2024-01-08T04:54:53+00:00

Ask yourself, are you in love with her or the idea of her. Are you still in love with the “old” her she the relationship was solid. This is not the same women she once was. Stop putting her on a pedestal, she has major issues and completely disrespected you and the relationship. It’s time to recognize that and move on to a happier you. I recognize it’s hard, one day at a time. I’ve been listening to a podcast that has really helped me gain a new perspective. Message me if you’re interested.

Cheb44 · 2024-01-08T04:37:09+00:00

Sorry man, just hang in there. I’m in the same boat. 23 years. It feels like someone sucked the air out of my chest sometimes. Just keep doing what works for you.

whereami113 · 2024-01-08T04:01:38+00:00

go to the gym. go for a walk. run on the beach scream into the void on the beach

buy a sledgehammer and smash some rocks Start some home maintenance Paint your house , clean your shed

Do anything except sitting around feeling sorry for yourself Don't waste your life because of what someone else did. The only real control you have is how you react to any given situation...and this is that time

Kerry120 · 2024-01-08T02:02:38+00:00

Give it time bro

Title	Need to get over her
Author	WakeUpAndGoooo
Upvotes	22
Comments	24
Date	January 8, 2024 1:42 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1919452/need_to_get_over_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-to-get-over-her.1242482 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242482

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