Wife and I have been married for 20 years. About 8 years ago we were roommates. Money was tight. We were distant. I always had Facebook and had a lot of female friends more than guys. But around this time I ended up having an affair. Felt like horrible shit. Kept my mouth shut. The 2 years later get a message from an old female coworker. Fell for it again. Had sex with another female. I told the wife 4 years after. I moved out and got my own place and we sepersted. Told her she could do better than me. I was living my single life. Had sex with an old ex and one of my best friends from my old job. Wife knew about everything I was doing and took me back. It's been about 7 years we did couples therapy. We're on the right track. Girl messages me out of the blue didn't tell wife about it. She's upset. We've been sperated 3 months. She doesn't know if she can get passed everything. Her crying and voicing how she feels is super hard. She doesn't know if she wants to work it out or go for divorce. At this point do I have to listen to my gut at 40 years old and tell her I'm sorry for everything I've done. To make the burden easier just ask for a divorce? That way she doesn't have to deal with these emotions all the time. After being seperated we've done a great job co-parenting and have been there for each other when we need it. I don't think the divorce would be messy. Thoughts?