Question about EXs family

eyesayhello · 2022-07-25T02:54:41+00:00

No, you're not. My ex's family is the one that essentially got our divorce going (her grandmother). But, I was pretty tight with her mom, brother, cousins, etc. after the divorce we remained friends and contacts. Once the ex made things shitty* they all turned on me.

They will turn on you. They will side with her. Regardless of why.

Move on.

mtimjones · 2022-07-25T02:54:35+00:00

Don't discount that they want to maintain a relationship with you. I could be wrong, maintain a boundary, but allow for a future relationship if the past was also good.

pegleg_legal · 2022-07-25T04:27:24+00:00

Not at all. You should be accommodating for special events that the kids will be expected to attend on your visitation, if that's not abused, and ensure the kids can have a good relationship with them. You are not your kids, you don't need to have a relationship with them.

That said, I know a lot of couples where the ex inlaws continued to get on famously with the spouse. But there should be zero obligation or expectation.

DiffDoc · 2022-07-25T03:53:59+00:00

I am actually hoping I get this situation. They have been my family for 30 years now and I have none of my own left. I think it will be a 50/50 split among them but I also know that at least some of them have seen how lopsided our relationship has been for a long time and how bad her attitude with everyone has been. I will deal with it if they cut off, but it would be a shame.

Mjolnir37 · 2022-07-25T03:45:20+00:00

Move on. I let them go for my own closure. Good people but I needed to so I could heal. Other wise I would always be ruminating about the old times.

CaliDude75 · 2022-07-25T03:10:30+00:00

Am on civil terms with both my STBXW and family members, but all communication is strictly related to the settlement and division of possessions and assets. Once the judgment is finalized, I see no reason to maintain contact with them. No kids involved.

Love-Pineapple-Pizza · 2022-07-25T04:03:27+00:00

It's not healthy for you, her family, her and your future new relationship. Suggest you be friendly like you are if you see them but that's it. Once she has someone new, it will change regardless.

Gattsama · 2022-07-25T09:45:22+00:00

You control you, not them. Like you said, you co-parent but aren't family. Every situation is different. My cousin tried to turn a whore into a housewife and got burnt. Her mother and brother testified on his behalf! And he has his son visit them frequently (plays with is cousins). My STBX and I have no kids. Her father all but adopted me (house full of women) and we are both nerds (star trek, star wars, running, computers, etc). But I've had zero contact with him and he hasn't reached out. Because as much as we had a really cool relationship I have zero desire to have anything more to do with her.

And truth be told, we never directly addressed it, but I know he gets that. After I filed people keep telling me they saw how horrible she treated me and how bear down I was but never said anything.

So be polite until the divorce is final, then just pull all the way back.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-07-25T11:14:02+00:00

> I made it clear to my ex we're not friends. We're co-parents.

This is the way.

Vegetable_Tourist829 · 2022-07-25T07:06:17+00:00

I don’t have kids but that seems a little harsh. If you had positive relationships with them, they like you as a person and you are striving to be a good coparent, why drop the extended family?

wisstinks4 · 2022-07-25T16:40:52+00:00

I agree with your actions thus far. I also think it helps you in the mental health space being able to keep your own boundaries and how you want to manage the situation and future relationships. Maybe overtime things will change but I think now while it’s still raw and you might still be upset, it makes sense to keep people at an arms length while you recover/heal or get to a better place in your own mind. There’s nothing wrong with that, I know for my sake I would consider it self protection for fear of more hurt, harm. After a while I would even tell these people that this is your attitude on things and you don’t mean to be rude but it makes sense for you and how you want to manage all parties involved.

Ocstar11 · 2022-07-25T20:05:23+00:00

Family isn’t necessarily defined by a piece of paper.

If you feel close to any of them or want to see them, you should. If not, you’re ok to move in.

Title	Question about EXs family
Author	Longjumping-Can-6083
Upvotes	17
Comments	18
Date	July 25, 2022 2:51 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/w7dfay/question_about_exs_family/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/question-about-exs-family.1124938 https://theredarchive.com/post/1124938

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