STBX made first offer

captainjacksparrow84 · 2024-12-15T15:45:39+00:00

The poor kid. Why can't the kid do week on week off? Split the holidays? Why does she get 5 more overnights in the summer than you do? I'd counter back week on week off, transitions happen at school. I.e You drop kid off monday at school she picks him up. No back and forth bs. Same thing if the kid is in childcare. No reason to see your ex everyday or every other day. If you do that yo might as well stay married. Also, my kid was fine with week on week off and we were seperated when he was 4.

Reflog1791 · 2024-12-12T16:59:48+00:00

I’ll just add something unconventional, may not apply to you.

In my state CS is not dependent on parenting time. Even at 50/50 one is the primary. Mom making less money is always the primary in my state.

In my state you can get a “deviation” from the CS worksheet. I was advised there would be no deviation because the income differential was too big ($100k to $40k at the time).

Knowing that I was on the hook for full CS I told myself, hmm maybe she should do more school pickups and you know earn some of that CS so that I can keep my job and keep the lights on.

I settled for same 3 nights a week around my work schedule. It has been amazing. Plenty of time with kid and I’m not running around being Mr. Mom.

There are drawbacks of course but I am happier than most on this sub even though I ignored the conventional wisdom. I do not like the advice saying get 50/50 even if you kill yourself doing it while shelling out 1/3 to mom.

Flashy_Yam967 · 2024-12-12T10:12:08+00:00

With a 50/50 schedule that is one of the ways to make it happen, Alternatively you do week on and week off. My ex and I do 5,5,2,2 and have done that for 2-3 years. It works fine. For my job, it works better than week on, week off.

You say she will have five more overnights than you over the summer. Will that change child support? Is that a show stopper? Why not continue your schedule in the summer, or week of week off, or two weeks on two weeks off?

In the divorce decree, you could stipulate kids will stay in current school system unless agreed up by both parties.

Her offer is swayed towards her but it is a starting point.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2024-12-12T05:40:36+00:00

Age of children? If they are 7 or older, week on week off is okay and easier for everyone. If her address is a residence, what do you get in return? It’s negotiation, get more overnights than her in return to that favor.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-12-12T03:47:15+00:00

In essence, you're not that far apart. This is way better than a lot. Just approach with questions on practicalities and don't create unnecessary animosity. I'd have a positive attitude with her moving forward until she does something hostile. Don't be soft or generous, just patient and productively working toward a solution. P.S. make sure she thinks the solution is her idea or it won't happen.

Unusual_University14 · 2024-12-12T03:24:28+00:00

Counter offer (and it's strong), the kids residence stays where it is so they have the same school and social network and activities. The residential address is MOST meaningful for one reason... where the kids go to school (assuming public school). How old are kids?

I mean, the week is kinda weird, neither of you would every have a weekend to take kids anywhere or a weekend by yourselves.

Courts love the status quo, if you've found the 223 works, your counter could be "we've done this for 18 months, this is what we keep doing".

Maybe switch to week on / week off for summers to allow for vacations.

Boomhower113 · 2024-12-12T02:39:55+00:00

Jesus. It never changes. These crazy bitches with their ridiculous offers. Mine was no different.

If you’re 50/50, just exchange who picks them up at school every Monday. No reason to do it an exchange in person and create possible conflict.

Plus, if you already have a residence and hers is TBD, the judge would side with you on that one.

Remember, judges want simple, reliable and reasonable. Not half-cocked schedules and random bullshit like this.

Slowloris81 · 2024-12-12T02:18:01+00:00

If it’s a negotiation then yeah, you can counter. It actually sounds like you’re in a good spot. If you’re basically at 50/50 where you want, you can use that as the baseline but suggest adjustments based on what makes the most sense for the kids.

ChiefsGuy2014 · 2024-12-12T02:16:09+00:00

I’ve see some stupid schedules and then there’s this.

Appropriate_Ad6479 · 2024-12-12T01:49:55+00:00

This is a terrible schedule for your children. Their mental health and stability should come first, secondary to your or your ex spouses concerns about commute or any other factors. It's your job to accept the inconvenience, not your children's.

Title	STBX made first offer
Author	Cheap_House8696
Upvotes	6
Comments	15
Date	December 12, 2024 1:29 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hc9t0w/stbx_made_first_offer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/stbx-made-first-offer.1538272 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538272

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