Separated with my wife of 11 years, together 14 years, in January and I'm really struggling with it all.

I'll be honest, I had doubts throughout the relationship. After about 18 months, we bought a house together. The day I transferred the deposit for our house, I was this >< close to just taking the money, jumping on a plane somewhere to just get away from it all.

It's not that she is a bad person, just a bit of a narcissist, it just all seems to be about her.

For instance, we are in separate beds at the minute and weekly we take it in turns to sleep in the marital bed and sleep in the spare bed. On the weeks it is my turn to sleep in the marital bed, she will lay down on it during the day. I even caught her having a nap on it once.

But the weeks it is her turn to sleep in it and she catches me laying on there (I do it to watch the TV in there mostly), she goes nuts and denies she is ever on there when it is my turn.

In all, I should probably be relieved that it is ending. For example, I worked extra hard to keep her happy in the bedroom. Made sure I did my best. Her, not so much. Quite often she would just say she's had enough and go to sleep, leave me hanging so to speak.

BUT, I loved being married. I loved having a full house to come home to, even if it was chaotic at times. I loved going on cruises, even though I wined and dined her and we would have sex once in the 14 days we were in board, even when we had child care.

And I am scared of being on my own. I'm scared of approaching women and being rejected. Because let's face it, who would want a 42 year old divorced dad of 2.

I'm trying to work on myself, running, training,, going to the gym. I just did a half marathon, I'm going out for walks but it just all seems so meaningless.

I'm longing for physical connection, a kiss, a hug. I've tried going out but it is just no good, I'm just scared of approaching women. I've tried joining running clubs, but it's just hard.

And I have to be honest, I have thought about escorts because it is a damn load cheaper than going out drinking all night and might give me the confidence I need.

As the song goes, I just don't know what to do with myself.