Update

Is0prene · 2024-06-24T11:56:25+00:00

Get yourself on an antidepressant. There's no shame in taking one. I was in your EXACT shoes and at times I couldn't even breathe. I had to literally tell myself to keep breathing. Once I started taking the med it took about 2 weeks before I started to feel my first relief and after a month the waves almost disappeared entirely. Hang in there your not alone.

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2024-06-23T19:10:29+00:00

Jack. Umm I mean Mr. Daniels..

ADHD_247 · 2024-06-22T11:26:52+00:00

How distracted are you ATM with life?

I suspect this could hit me again as well but I'm very distracted ATM with the matter.

probebeta · 2024-06-21T22:52:42+00:00

Feeling this is normal, but I wouldn't bother thinking if she's hiding the pain or whatever else. She's no longer your concern. Focus on yourself only and kids if you have any. Ideally, try doing something that brings a positive return: gym, make money, reorganize your life. Stay off alcohol and stuff that's not good for you.

I've been separated a year. This morning I saw her take off to bf with her overnight stay bag, or wherever she goes... I'm fine with it because I met other women that I like more. If I was with her, my life would have been miserable. So it's really a win when you think about it.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-06-20T02:40:52+00:00

This actually sounds like you’re processing grief - especially the dreaming part. It’s painful but good, in a sense. Lean into it and talk to someone if you need to.

Ark161 · 2024-06-19T23:49:11+00:00

Sounds like anxiety attacks. I’m day 80-ish and exact same thing. I’m not in the greatest shape, but there are days I can’t even play with my dog because I feel like I’m going to fucking die.

So you are probably getting by, but you aren’t resolving that part inside you; which there is nothing wrong with that at day 104. You are yearning for something at a base level, probably closure of some sort. But for clarity, I ask this, if she hurts, if she doesn’t hurt, how does that apply to the pain her actions have caused? The relationship ended for reasons and if those reasons put you in a no win scenario, how is that fair to you? It isn’t, so try not to focus on how she feels because frankly that boat in closing on the horizon. What matters is how you feel, with yourself, what you truly want, and obtaining focus to achieve that. Shit sucks man, it really beats you down like nothing else, but we can get through it. Eventually you will get there, it just takes time. Celebrate your wins no matter how small, find ways to affirm that you are worth it, and remind yourself you deserve happiness.

dorkchopalot · 2024-06-19T21:08:48+00:00

As crazy as this sounds, there will come a time in your life when you’ll go entire days without thinking of her. Hang in there.

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-06-19T20:56:03+00:00

It gets better. 104 days I was still a huge mess some days.

She doesn't care at all, if you're wondering.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-06-19T20:04:50+00:00

One foot in front of the other. Starting with this post. Each day gets easier with some days of setback. Realize this and start you healing journey. Turn that depressive shit around and use that energy to fuel your recovery and move on.

DesignerUpbeat5065 · 2024-06-19T18:52:00+00:00

It will get better. It happens in waves, non-linearly. I'm fully over mine now, took a good year though. I recommend trying to date if that is something you feel up to. Really helps.

MsunuKany0k0 · 2024-06-19T17:09:53+00:00

I am with you melodic. My ex is onto boyfriend #2 after divorce finalized about 2 months ago from a 13 year marriage. It blew me away that she was already past it but she prolly isn’t but is looking for validation in another man. That doesn’t have to do with me or the other guy but her. It took me a while to accept this because of the feeling of being disposable.

I am still struggling with letting fully go. I am working on it one day at a time and my brain is telling me this through my dreams. I dreamt me not being willing to help her and then falling out and bawling; it was therapeutic because my brain is telling me to let go even as it hurts or it’s hard. She wanted the divorce and I have to follow through. In a year or 2 I know I will be in a better place but these moments suck.

I agree with finding positive outlets: I focus on our kids and giving them my best version of me; working out and making myself look better is huge also right now; planning trips and fun activities with my kiddos and reconnecting with friends. I am taking my dog to the park and planning hikes with him. Unfortunately it just takes time to get past it (edit. My least favorite part of this journey is the time aspect, wish it was instantaneous)

Try to journal these feelings and just sharing with another who knows your situation. Good luck

ArtichokeSavings9472 · 2024-06-19T16:24:48+00:00

You will get through it early on is really hard but the pain is good use it as motivation to get better to get away from her and that every who cares how she is doing. How would it make you feel to know that she doesn’t care and is it out enjoying her life . Exactly all the more reason to not dwell on her anymore you will get through this stay strong

DaddyNoBux · 2024-06-19T16:21:17+00:00

She’s not in pain. She’s living da vida loca

While you’re ruminating yourself into next week aching for some scraps, dreaming that she’s feeling bad about what happened.

Listen mate, you need to fill your time and you need to get back out there. You’re wasting time on this piece of trash when you could be turning that anger into fuel in order to become a better man.

She gave you that opportunity. Use it brother

Title	Update
Author	Melodic-Grapefruit-4
Upvotes	17
Comments	26
Date	June 19, 2024 4:01 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1djmrj5/update/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/update.1522055 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522055

Comments