What happened with your relationships with step kids after divorce?

No-Suggestion5234 · 2024-07-19T00:36:20+00:00

I am in the process of leave my fiancé, I will also be leaving my amazing 9 year old bonus daughter who is truly my life. She has many medical conditions that I have completely learned about and have been there for major surgeries and treated her as if she was my own. I don’t know how to cope with this loss. I have to leave my fiancé as this relationship has broken me physically and mentally. I just don’t know how to live a new life without this little girl who has given me purpose the past few years. If anyone has any advice please let me know!

Aggravating-Way5471 · 2024-07-03T14:17:37+00:00

I had a step parent from ages 5 to 13. I called her mom and she was heavily involved in my life, every single day for 8 years. When they got divorced she moved out without telling me and has not contacted me since. I see her out sometimes and avoid her. I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel about it.

Extension-Mark-6916 · 2024-06-12T00:57:27+00:00

My mom’s ex husband( my ex step dad) was an acholic and abusive. They are working on getting divorced right now. You would think of anyone I would be the one not seeing him but my mom does make me hang out alone with him when he comes to see my half siblings. I hate it. He hates me too.

draco_92 · 2024-05-31T04:35:42+00:00

I was 25 when I started dating this women with 2 children with 2 different fathers who where not involved. She was older and the kids were about 15 years younger than me. I made mistakes I didn’t have parents really to show me how to do anything but I did my best and after about 3 years they started really warm up to me the youngest one called me his dad. They’re were days I felt like I was a lil rough on them but they were boys and I just wanted them to be strong and independent young men. Like I said I made mistakes but I loved them like they were mine. Me and there mom stopped getting along around the last year of the relationship. One day she up and left with the kids no words no nothing. I was there for them the best I could for about 5 years. It’s been like 2 years since they left and I still haven’t gone over it. Was like a part of me was ripped away. Idk where to tell this but yeah it still really hurts. I miss them to this day.

DrRaveNinja · 2023-08-08T20:54:42+00:00

I raised my step kids from 5 and 3 years old. One of their dads wasn't really that involved and ended up moving across the country, and never paid any child support or anything. The other was more involved than the other but it ultimately came down to having her for the weekends.

After the divorce I was told in no uncertain terms that I'm not their dad anymore, and discontinuing the relationship with their mom meant that by default I was discontinuing the relationship with them. I was told that I am to have no contact with them whatsoever, and that s*** hurts. I still think about them everyday. I have no way of knowing what my ex has told them, or tried to influence them into believing.

I fantasize that one day they'll reach out when they're adults and want to have some kind of relationship, but the fact is that probably won't happen, and even if it does, it will never be the same. And the hardest part is feeling like all of the love and sacrifices I made for them for the past decade isn't worth anything in their eyes.

wildtomathoes · 2023-06-04T20:47:18+00:00

Im 18 years old now, never been married or anything like that but I did have a step father (I was little when he and my mom got married then they divorced when I was in high school).

My mom and I have been through a lot with him but he took care of us and we had many fun times despite his issues. Also, we are appreciative for the life that he had given us for the time being. But, I was never really connected with him. The "I love you's" weren't genuine probably because he wasn't a genuine person. After my mom and my ex step father got divorced, she wanted us to continue our relationship. It was awkward for me. I know for sure he felt awkward about it too. It didnt feel genuine at all. Being in the car with him to go have fun was quiet and the conversations didn't feel real but all of that was forgotten when we went to some fun place etc.

As time went on and on.. id say a few months later everything stopped. No hanging out. No calls. No text. No communication at all. But because of our situation growing up with him I wasn't hurt or anything like that at all but it did make me think about the kids who had a step parent and if there relationship with them after the divorce got awkward also.

pilotbrown16 · 2023-05-02T16:52:31+00:00

We smile and wave at each other... other than that we haven't been allowed to have any other contact. And I am not sure her bat ass crazy mother knows we do that.

So she knows I love her, and I know she knows I'm there And for now that's good enough.

I prepared her prior and told her unless I tell her I will always love her and be there if she ever needs any thing. No mater what

black65Cutlass · 2023-05-02T13:15:15+00:00

No kids together, divorced a little over a year ago. I don't see or talk to her or her kids at all. Life is peaceful.

ReeeeDrumpf · 2023-05-02T11:57:18+00:00

This is why you don't marry a single mom. It's your kid when it comes to finances. But after the divorce, they're not your kid anymore.

jacob_89_ · 2023-05-02T09:52:53+00:00

i met my step son when he was 12 months old, and got divorced when he was over 12, he's bio dad hasn't being in the picture for almost half his life.

he's called me dad for most of that time aswell and i am his father, i have 2 biological kids with my ex and tell people i have 3 children, he spends the same amount of time with me as his 2 sisters, infact sometimes more because we bond and do shit etc,

me and his mum spoke about adopting but never got around to it, and she tried to hit me up for child support for him, i refused and said you should have done the adoption prior to cheating on me and getting divorced so i only pay CS for ny 2 kids but other then that its no diffrent then my 2 bio kids, although every situation is going to vary.

AirSailer · 2023-05-02T01:50:20+00:00

My relationship and custody with my own child was basically dependent on how much money I was willing to give her

It always is.

As for the step-kid, think about all the lies and vile things she will put into that kids head for however many years that kid listens to her, and how her kid will treat you kid... It's best to go grey rock and minimize the conflict by not engaging with her whatsoever.

ciscokid12345 · 2023-05-02T00:46:44+00:00

I raised three step daughters from 3,5,7 until they were 20,22,24. Thousands of soccer practices, private schools, cars, and college payments.

During the divorce mom alleged some BS abuse for a TRO and got 2/3 of them to write letters to the court saying that I was abusive to them and their mom and they saw me beat my two kids several times. I was dumbfounded. I never in my life have spanked a child let alone hit any of them. I didn’t even call them names! I think at the time she was concerned about losing custody of my two from all her drinking and driving with kids in the car I showed up to court with evidence of. The TRO was her way of flipping the script on me.

In the TRO my ex said I was sending harassing messages to her grown kids and my attorney told me to never reach out to them again. So there’s 20 years of work down the drain.

Boys listen up. Do not get involved with single moms. You’re not a white night, you are a patsy.

life-is-short- · 2023-05-02T00:28:19+00:00

You have no legal rights to stepchildren which is why being a stepfather is a terrible thing to volunteer for. When the ex goes so do her children (your stepchildren). This is a primary reason for not dating single mothers. You WILL spend money and time on them, you Will usually develop love and a bond with them, and when their mom moves you have to deal with another "breakup" on top of the mom.

If you do date a single mom* then keep it casual. Don't get too involved in the kid's life. Don't get attached. Don't pick up the slack for the child's absent father, etc.

jimsmythee · 2023-05-01T23:11:18+00:00

Only story I have is when my exwife got remarried. They weren’t all that thrilled with their new stepdad. But they absolutely loved his daughter, she was like the cool big sister.

But their remarriage ended in re-divorce after 6 months of wedded bliss. They only saw their step sister one time after that. It’s sad because they really liked her.

xjeeperx · 2023-05-01T22:31:01+00:00

One of them made false accusations against me to go live with their father. I have no contact with that one. The other is grown and knows what’s true and what’s not and we have a great relationship.

life-is-short- · 2023-05-01T22:24:04+00:00

Have same problem was raising since 3 yo and he does call me Dad. But I am not sure how this will be handled further. And she still uses me as a babysitter. Thankfully we do not have children in marriage. Biggest fear I have is that now on he will have bad picture of family and what true Dad should looks like. 🤷🏼‍♂️ but I can’t do much about it. She also may use our interactions against me.

No-Exit6560 · 2023-05-01T21:09:03+00:00

Since ex made the threat of a false dv charge my lawyer advised me under no circumstances to have contact with them until they’re over the age of 18, and even then don’t initiate; just respond if they messaged me. But god only knows what they’ve been told etc…

That being said I say hello etc…if I see them during pick up and drops off of ‘ours’. Get them all gift cards at Christmas for ‘ours’ to give to them, along with his mother because I’m trying to raise a good little human.

But it’s not like we’re ever going to have a real relationship ever again, their mom would go bananas. Two of them were calling me Dad right before the end. So, their bio father abandoned them, and I had to get out of there for my sanity.

They’re not your kids, they never were and they’ll most likely be loyal to their mother. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Title	What happened with your relationships with step kids after divorce?
Author	grease_munky3
Upvotes	11
Comments	24
Date	May 1, 2023 8:07 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/134zrwz/what_happened_with_your_relationships_with_step/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-happened-with-your-relationships-with-step.1217851 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217851

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