I’m in the process of divorcing my high school sweetheart after being together for 18 years and married for 9. I’m still not sure why she wants this but I guess she’s tired of being held accountable after having no responsibility for the past 8 years. I recently gave her an ultimatum that she needed to start taking care of herself and help more around the house.  This included a list of(get her physical and bloodwork done for the first time in many years and create a list of chores with me that each will be responsible for). I’m the sole provider and she’s trying to get an influencer/ book career going. She responded a few weeks later that she was done trying.  So now we are planning our divorce.  

I guess I’m just wondering if I’m feeling the right things.  Our relationship was sexless for the past 3 years. We haven’t been on good terms for a long time. We tried two years of both individual and marriage counseling.  I have carried her for so long and given her so many opportunities she wouldn’t have had on her own.  On the day she said she was done I was an emotional mess but ever since then, I have been over it.  I can see she’s making a big mistake but that's her problem.  I will try to buy her out of the house. So she will get another free ride from me for the next few years but once that’s finalized I’m free.  I get to start a new search for happiness, respect, and companionship.

I think I already emotionally mourned this relationship years ago. I stayed too long and waited for absolute confirmation that I did everything I could.  So now I feel very little for her.  I don’t want her to suffer. In fact, I truly want her to be happy.  If she meets someone and ends up pregnant in 6 months then good for her.  It’s still not my problem. The way I see it is either I was such a shitty husband that the positives we shared still didn’t make up for it or it was never about me and nothing external will ever make her happy. Either way, I need to trust and accept her opinion.  I’m just wondering am I in denial or will I have a wave of shit that hits me months from now? I probably won’t be able to afford therapy for myself until this shit is finalized but I was just wondering if anyone had any experience like this.

Second thought and maybe this opinion is wrong but I guess I kind of feel like I would if I found out she was gay.  It’s not about me.  I could do everything right(I didn’t)but still I would be barking up the wrong tree.  We gave it a good run but I’m ready to invest in other people and I plan to start with myself asap.