I hate being a man

vcreativ · 2022-05-08T15:49:51+00:00

Since you don't know what it's like to be a woman, I'd be quite careful with upsetting myself imagining it was any simpler.

The most "masculine" thing (though for women it's much the same) you can do, is to make life work for you with what you're given.

You could do everything right. You could conform to classical masculinity completely and still messed up somewhere.

What specifically do you mean here?

but as someone who did that, my life isn't faring any better

I imagine in some form this relates to a lack of relationship because, simplistically put, you don't correspond to the image of a "man"?

Assuming that is true, I get it, but you can really only be the truest version of yourself, grow from there and see where it takes you. Everything else is faking it.

WhoDoomsTheDoomer · 2022-05-08T14:07:56+00:00

How is your life not fairing better after you've embraced who you are? Do you mean your life has gotten worse or has generally stayed the same? How long have you been embracing who you are, because it may take some time to properly feel comfortable, especially when you've felt the need to conform for so long

I do get what you mean a bit. I went through a brief self-loathing period because of being born a man and some of the messaging I got. Eventually what helped was realising that I decided what defines me, not other people. Other people's perceptions of me can matter, but it's me who decides if they matter. My friends and family opinions of me do matter to me, but some random guy decides I'm not a 'real man' because of the way I act, or some random woman on the street thinks I'm a rapist because of the genitals I was born with? Fuck em, there opinions don't mean shit to me

It's about self-respect in a way. I respect myself enough to not let other disrespect me

AnimatorLast2256 · 2022-05-08T13:44:55+00:00

So you're saying that you're not masculine enough to be a man which is why you want to be a woman because you'll be more accepted then?

xvszero · 2022-05-08T17:48:45+00:00

Maybe you're trans and haven't realized it yet.

Anyway, my wife is a very not "feminine" woman and she has struggling with a lot the same things you are for most of her life, so I'm not sure it is automatically easier on the other side.

What specifically are you struggling with? I rejected "masculinity" a long time ago and it has made my life better, but I think it takes the right friends, the right career, etc. to find comfort.

Sad_Quote_3415 · 2022-05-08T23:58:06+00:00

Women are constantly judged on a variety of things. It doesn't mean it's easier just bc it's different.

I love being a woman, but I don't think it's easy.. at all. You start getting harassed, groped, and objectified as soon as you hit puberty. For me that was 13. Men feel entitled to you, your body and your time and they'll feel like they have the right to get what they want, regardless if it's a rando who approached you on the street or someone who offers to pay for dinner on a date. You are more easily perceived as rude bc society expects women to be small, compliant, passive. The amount of sexual coercion you have to endure throughout life is actually insane. The amount of men who didn't try to coerce me is so much less than the amount who did. You cannot express any emotion because people take you even less seriously than what they already do. If you express anger you're doomed, now you successfully labeled yourself as an emotionally unstable bitch. You learn to deal with so much daily sexism and misogyny. Literally every single day. People automatically think you are dumber than male counterparts. You get payed less for the same jobs bc your labour is valued less. You are constantly judged on your life choices if they don't align with the traditional feminine gender role. You get criticized a lot if you don't want kinds. You have a 1 in 5 chance of getting raped or sexually assaulted and 1 in 3 chance of enduring severe domestic abuse. You can't speak up about anything bc people don't believe you or they diminish your trauma. If you wear make up, wear heels and look feminine people will treat you way better which shows that society sees women's value as conditional. Governments and societies still think they owe your body, as they keep discussing your reproductive health as if it's public interest. Women are literally not free. To live as a woman is to fight for your life every single day. It's absolutely exhausting. I've never ever felt like I was treated the same as a man.

It's not fun living in a world that literally hates you bc of your sex. I'm saying all this bc clearly you lack women's input if you think life in an heteronormative world only sucks for men.

You are directing your frustrations towards the wrong thing. Gender roles cause pain to everyone bc it puts us in a box that most of us will never fit. You are saying women aren't affected by society's norms which is absolutely false. Women are also pressured into performing femininity, and for most of us that's never enough. You are thinking from a male perspective and just assuming what the female perspective is. The solution is to refuse gender norms. You do have the option to get yourself out of the box. There are support groups you can seek as well as psychological help. But to heal from this and be true to yourself its vital to refute heteronormative norms, to question them. And it's important to understand that men and women are given very different roles, but just bc you can't know what it's like to experience life from the other group's perspective, it doesn't mean you can't have empathy and compassion. I personally can never know what's like to be a man, but I listen to men's experiences and I appreciate it when they listen to mine as well. That's how we can work on dismantling gender norms, and not by pretending we know better or measuring who has it worse. Our problems are rooted in the same thing.

thrwwayguy · 2022-05-08T15:10:34+00:00

Sounds to me you're in the wrong social environment. Sure being a man has high criteria but it's also very freeing as in as long as you're good at something, you're very valuable. If i were you I'd go somewhere like new york or near a liberal college where artistry is the social hierarchy. Now there will be higher competition but also more collaboration and you'd probably be happier around more people like yourself.

Also it's 2022 you don't have to embrace every masculine trait if that's not in your personality. Most of the greatest artists of all time were men so there has to be some connection. Focus on the parts that do make sense to what you want to do like dedication to your craft, passion, courage, so on and so forth. There's plenty of ways to be a man you just gotta find out what works for you.

I feel you on being a black man though. Seems like there's no pathways to manhood for us that don't involve sports, rapping, or other highly aggressive pursuits.

bk9900 · 2022-05-08T15:14:48+00:00

Life isn’t fair that’s true. Really really true. But about being masculine. I think as in anything it’s more about being true to yourself and trying to work on attributes you value. For example dedication is something society consider masculine (I think, just for the argument) and I try to work that in myself. It’s not because it’s masculine, it’s because I personally value it.

Now I also value empathy a lot, and try to work in that as well. There’s no true answer.

Except life isn’t fair, and try to be the best version of yourself according to your values. Wether you are Justin Bieber or working in rice fields in Indonesia. There’s always someone who have it easier and The Only Thing left for you is working on yourself relative to yourself. Masculinity is really irrelevant

air-carguy · 2022-05-08T14:19:39+00:00

There is a book that I want to read that may help you. Think and grow rich by Napoleon Hill. If I remember correctly, it helps you shift your thinking to see your unique qualities as assets and use them in life. I feel like that might help you a lot.

Quo_Usque · 2022-05-09T01:12:00+00:00

It seems to me like you're not saying being a woman is better or easier, but that being a man sucks in many ways and you want to escape it. I really feel for you. When you talk about being limited in the emotions you're allowed to express, that hits hard. Our society teaches men that our feelings are shameful, that we have to protect our masculinity at all costs, and that physical and emotional intimacy with anyone other than a woman you are dating is shameful and weak, and is to be avoided at all costs. It makes men very lonely and isolated, and way too dependent on women for affection and connection. You get told that you have to defend your masculinity or you're not a man, and that means getting angry and, if not actually fighting people, at least acting like you're going to. But you're also not supposed to be threatening or scary because that's bad. Be smart and creative, but not like that because that's not ~manly~. Men get trained to police each other's masculinity, so that it feels like you have to constantly perform, even for your best friends. And then you come here looking for support and a bunch of commenters shoot you down because you said you'd rather be a woman. First of all, if you really would rather be a woman, you can do that. If you feel like being a woman is right for you, it's worth it to explore those feelings. But it seems more like you're saying that because what you're really looking for is an escape from toxic masculinity. You're definitely not the only man looking for that. Check out r/bropill, for a community that focuses on positive masculinity. If you can, try to find an IRL community that is a more positive environment. There may be local art collectives that you can join. Just try a bunch of different meetup groups, classes, activities, etc. If you can find even one group that gives you a positive place to be who you are, you will feel so much better. It's easier to avoid those who police your masculinity when you have another social outlet. Your art has value, and your feelings have value. Even when you yourself know that, it gets a lot better to have people around you who also know that.

T4mvv1lc0xx · 2022-05-09T12:38:09+00:00

Do you want to be in constant fear of being beaten and/or raped? Do you want to live in a world that subconsciously believes that you can’t contribute anything more than serving men? Men and Women have challenges that are unique to them. Life is hard either ways. This is why we marry and form partnerships: To alleviate the struggles a bit.

LOTEZK · 2022-05-08T18:20:02+00:00

Keep fighting. I bet there’s a great reward for you on the other end.

xvszero · 2022-05-08T14:54:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

WhoDoomsTheDoomer · 2022-05-08T14:01:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Justtakeit1776 · 2022-05-09T03:55:24+00:00

I feel like the true issue is you key do not feel accepted for who you are. Even at one point in your life you didn’t accept who you are and may not really right now either. So you don’t have a sense of belonging.

My suggestion is to try loads of different hobbies and activities. Once you find one that feels you then work on a group of friends within that community.

I see you commented on visual arts. Channel this! Art really doesn’t have to be gender based at all. Join a local art group. Find a Facebook group or community for art groups. Especially at a university level. Then you’ll find people with similar interests.

When you try to be something you’re not it will affect your self esteem. Be who you are! Accept yourself and others will. Anyone who doesn’t accept you doesn’t deserve to be in your life. You don’t need a million friends. I have four good friends. I don’t speak to them everyday.

Good luck, I’m rooting for you.

Alive-Personality713 · 2022-05-09T04:32:41+00:00

What else can you be ?

Inareskai · 2022-05-10T17:15:07+00:00

Ah hello, I haven't seen you around here for a while.

The grass is rarely greener.

Title	I hate being a man
Author	Kyushu18
Upvotes	35
Comments	50
Date	May 8, 2022 1:16 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/ul1i1c/i_hate_being_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-hate-being-a-man.1115048 https://theredarchive.com/post/1115048

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