What's wrong with cold approaches?

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-10-06T17:28:13+00:00

Calling it cold approach is stupid and shows that someone sold you a bag of BS by sounding clinical and talking big.

Stop trying to use a "system". Get used to getting to know people in the ways that human beings do. Systems are stupid and designed to get your money, not actually work.

Don't assume that everyone will vibe with you, and don't assume that everyone attractive is your "type". You, yourself, might not be the one feeling it, and that is ok. It is ok to walk away, but try to keep the encounter positive if you do.

Drop the cynicism that is popular on reddit.

Picking up was done before there was tinder and redpill. Women did it too. Your parents definitely did not meet through tinder.

Maximum_Pack_8519 · 2024-10-06T10:15:01+00:00

How would you feel if you constantly had gay men that are bigger than you doing this? Would you feel safe to just exist? How would you respond the 1st, 10th, 100th, 1000th time?

Leave people the fuck alone unless you're in a space where you can talk and learn more about each other. Treating dating as a "numbers game" is gross

callmejay · 2024-10-06T14:04:04+00:00

Imagine being a woman and existing in public with guys doing this constantly. Or imagine being you and being constantly "opened" by gay men who could easily beat you up if they wanted to.

Exis007 · 2024-10-06T14:41:43+00:00

Do you like spam calls? Or, tis the season, do you like constant political phone calls asking you to donate or vote or volunteer? Do you like it when people knock on your door to sell you solar panels or weeding services or to buy charity bullshit? Do you like it when the guy at the mall around Christmas is hocking some new toy or a makeup set and he chases you past three stores trying to get you to try it? How about the guy outside the grocery store asking for signatures for the petition? All of these are examples of cold approaches. No one likes them. It's a cliche of stand-up comedy how much people hate being bothered in person or by phone or by email by total strangers trying to get their attention.

People have a natural aversion to being approached by a stranger with an agenda. Romantic, religious, consumer, political, it doesn't matter. People don't like it. So a big problem you'll have talking to strangers cold is that you're already on your back foot because by coming up and starting to talk, you've already weirded out the person you're talking to. That's just for starters.

But let's say you're good at cold approaches. Some people are. They know all the tricks to set people at ease, make them feel time bound, and you get some good luck inasmuch as you pick the right person and they are stoked to talk to you. If you're selling makeup or a political policy or you just want a signature, you have a pretty okay chance of getting it if you're decent at it. A date or a phone number is a harder sell. If I buy the vacuum or the cookies or the flying mall gizmo, it's understood that I'm done with this interaction and I can leave. If I sign your petition, I can go. But if you're trying to meet someone to date, you've got a much higher bar to clear which is not just that you need them to entertain this conversation--which as we've established is already a tough row to hoe--you need them to like you enough that they want to see you again. That's just an unreasonably high bar to clear for most people. They don't know you, they don't know your friends, they have no context for you, and therefore all those stranger danger warning lights are going off. Even if they find you charming to talk to right now, so very rarely is that going to translate to a phone number of a social media point of contact or a date. You have to jump five levels of comfort and intimacy in a single go and that's a lot of escalation in a tiny time frame.

So by and large it is a waste of time. I have a couple of friends who are really good at cold approaching, really strong at meeting total strangers and making best friends with them in the airport bar or the music festival. They have just innate charisma and they like talking and they like people, so sometimes they can do that. It's not impossible. But if you had that kind of A-game, if you were good enough at talking and making people feel warm and safe and comfortable around you, you'd know that. But even my super charismatic friends would be the first to tell you that it isn't a good strategy. You're far better off warm-approaching people and using context and existing networks to meet people. I find the people most interested in cold approaching think it is a short-cut or an easy trajectory to cut out the middle man of socialization, whereas the people I know who are good at it are super, super social and it's just an add-on extra they do when they are bored or they just happen across someone interesting. The vast majority of people are just not really capable of doing anything but making people uncomfortable, which is why it is a bad idea.

Inareskai · 2024-10-06T09:12:23+00:00

You know nothing about the other person other than how they look, so it's a method that is unlikely to net any real connection.
Depending on the context/situation it may be at best a bit inconvenient or at worse scary for the person being approached. This is not always the case, there are times and places where cold approaches can work, but those times are much less common than ones where the chances are you're starting out on totally the wrong foot by bothering a stranger.
Depending on how well the person cold approaching can handle rejection, it can range from awkward to flat out dangerous for the people involved. No one likes being put in that sort of position.
It's just very unlikely to be that successful. It would likely be more productive and avoid some potential unpleasant situations to simply use other methods of meeting/approaching people.

ajj2z · 2024-10-06T12:40:55+00:00

Very low success rate

ConsultJimMoriarty · 2024-10-06T19:44:46+00:00

It depends on the situation. At a bar or some sort of social situation is more than fine.

It becomes a problem when the woman in question is doing her job, wearing headphones or just trying to get something done that it’s a problem.

GENERALSECRTRY · 2024-10-07T05:18:40+00:00

from the mans approach, it's bad cause it gives you a bad reputation. youre seen as desprate, thirsty, creepy, etc. it's also inefficient. 100% of the men who do it get no females. you also lose your self esteem by getting rejected constantly.

from the females perspective, she's also going to think youre desprate and thirsty. so why should she go for some guy whos out there begging for phone numbers, and dates? men who cold approach are practically panhandling. it's also annoying. think of those christian guys who are always trying to get you to go to their church, and what you feel when they do that. it's probably the same feeling females get when random men approach them

if i could compare pick up artists to anyone, it's those guys who drive around parking lots asking if you need body work done on your car. if they were decent mechanics, they wouldnt need to do that. only guys who are low value, and have nothing to offer will take those measures

if you want to know if cold approach is worth it or not, then look at the men who do them, and look at what results they get. the ones i know get nothing. now look at men who date regularly, then ask yourself if they do cold approach. this should tell you whether it's worth doing or not.

another thing is, most of the guys who do cold approach are unpopular men in general. so that alone is enough to discourage me. so if only unpopular men are doing it, i really have to question an activity almost exclusively done by guys who are not liked no matter where they go

Aladinyo · 2024-10-06T10:12:19+00:00

I have experience with cold approach and I would say there is nothing wrong with it and it's very different from what the red pill claims, most of the time women will be friendly and would reject you mostly cause they already in a relationship which makes sense other times women may simply not be in the mood and that's okay. So yeah it's a very good skill but I advise you to not only approache in the streets, try to approache in warm environments like the bar school or an event.

SilverTango · 2024-10-07T02:12:29+00:00

Depends on how you define it. If you go up to someone with zero established rapport and just try to ask for a number only based on looks...that can come across as tacky. But, and I speak as a woman, so many women constantly bitch about how awful the apps are and the fact that "men don't approach anymore." I am one of these women, and I am open to being approached while out in public. If women want to keep bitching about lazy and cowardly men, they need to stop fucking complaining when men are being bold and proactive. Yes, style matters, yes, men shouldn't be creepy. But I am SO TIRED of women who constantly whine and moan about being approached, and then turn around and complain about not being able to find a relationship.

GENERALSECRTRY · 2024-10-06T16:30:10+00:00

There isn’t. Takes courage and you gotta be smooth about it, but that’s how people met before the internet. People on here are ridiculous.

TypicalProfit8475 · 2024-10-07T00:06:18+00:00

That most guys who would call it “cold approach” don’t have the social skills to read the room.

Chatting to people in public is fine and normal and not “creepy”. Turning that situation into one where you are deliberately hitting on people while they are showing no interest in reciprocating the attention is creepy and makes more people closed off next time and less friendly in general.

In short doing this badly hurts everybody’s social interactions in public.

Ok-Assistance-1860 · 2024-10-10T23:24:14+00:00

I find people who are pro-cold approach tend to ignore potential warm approaches.

Cold approach is a fear-based way to try to pick someone up. You pick a stranger because if you get shut down, you never have to see or talk to that person again. If you cultivated relationships with people you run across semi-regularly (or even occasionally!) it's more likely to turn into a potential date-sex situation. A lot of guys say they were "friend zoned" but really, they just didn't do anything to try to forge a relationship so it died on the vine.

Cold approach is creepy because it isn't how human interactions work. If I (a stranger) came up to you in the subway and told you I needed a roommate, and I was watching you for the past couple of stops and you look like someone who is easy to live with, you'd think I was a total nutbar. Because we have zero prior relationship. So asking a woman out that has no idea of your values or what you like to do for fun, or how you treat people in general is basically skipping a bunch of relationship levels trying to get to the date-sex stage.

Instead, imagine something like a) you go to the vet and notice the receptionist is very pretty and clearly likes animals...a good potential date. b) as you're paying, you ask how her day is going and smile at her. YOU PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO HOW SHE RESPONDS. c) If she responded with warmth and interest you take note, remember her name. d) over the next several visits (could take months!) you continue to make polite conversation, including greeting her by name and bringing up topics that show you have been listening to her and are interested in her as a person. Again, note her response. Does she make a lot of eye contact or kinda seem distracted? If she makes a lot of eye contact, proceed. e) When this has gone on for multiple interactions, she greets you by name, she maintains eye contact and smiles, and she keeps a conversation going with you for longer than strictly necessary, ask if you can take her out for lunch sometime. Alternatively, suggest attending something together if you've previously discussed a related shared interest ie: a con or a museum or a movie.

She will either say, yes (in which case get her number and follow up) or no. If no, she may offer a reason. In that case, you say, ok no worries, just thought I'd ask, see you next visit. And leave. It was a rejection, nobody died.

And yes, it takes time. But if you make these kinds of connections with many people, you will have many enjoyable interactions and one or more may lead to relationships.

CHINO-HILL · 2025-09-21T14:43:40+00:00

people, generally dont like whats unfamiliar to them, therefore will not be drawn towards a ca

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WknessTease · 2024-10-07T07:19:01+00:00

Do you know those people who stop you on the street to get you to give money to a charity?

Now imagine you'd have those people everywhere all the time?

It's just annoying to be constantly interrupted while you go by your life and have someone try to get you to listen to a prepared speech

Also now imagine those people are taller and bigger than you and could potentially get upset if you don't want to listen

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-10-06T20:48:52+00:00

By the way, the area you are at is a big factor. For example, if you are in a college town, and most of the women are around 20, and you are 24, you will get some unique challenges.

Title	What's wrong with cold approaches?
Author	HistoricalMuscle2
Upvotes	0
Comments	123
Date	October 6, 2024 8:49 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1fxc6ya/whats_wrong_with_cold_approaches/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/whats-wrong-with-cold-approaches.1532236 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532236

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