I joined this Reddit a few years back because I was so tired of dating guys who were lazy or played games. In the past, I wasn’t exactly a pick-me but I definitely acted too desperate or eager at times and my standards for dating were pretty low. I would give not-so-great guys a lot of chances and often got hurt in the process. After finding this forum, I raised my standards and started dating more critically.

Last summer, I got a job in my hometown after working on the other side of the country. I reconnected with a friend from high school and I started hanging out with him and his friend group, who I instantly clicked with. His friend group, which is mostly guys, were very respectful and courteous without being flirty, which was so different than most guys I had known. When quarantine hit, the only friends I saw were my friend from high school and his roommates and we all got really close.

One of his roommates (let’s call him James) in particular really fascinated me. He was really tall, ridiculously good looking and every girl was obsessed with him but he never dated or flirted with anyone. If a girl was getting too interested or started pursuing him, he would kindly but firmly let her know that he wasn’t interested because he didn’t want her to waste her time. I have know so many hot guys who basked in that kind of attention so I thought it was refreshing he was so straight-forward.

A few months ago, James and I started talking more and he asked me out on a date. He rarely dates so this was a really big deal to him. When I asked him why, he sounded like he could have been quoting this reddit. He said he noticed that I have very high standards for myself and I never chased anyone. When James and I first became friends, I went on a few dates with a guy who I cut it off with because he didn’t pay for my meal when I met his friends. The guy was a surgeon and very attractive but per advice from this forum, I realized if he wasn’t going to pay for my meal when out with his friends, he didn’t respect me enough to continue to date. James thought this was very admirable and said it was one of the things that peaked his interest in me.

Since James and I have been dating, he has treated me with the utmost respect. He always pays, even when we’re out with his friends or when I offer. He even pays for things like my groceries when we run errands together. He plans amazing dates based on things I’ve said in the past or things he knows I like. He has a list on his phone of things I like and he will randomly drop my favorite coffee drink at my house when he knows I’m having a stressful day. I told him I want to wait to have sex and he said he respected that and found it really attractive that I have boundaries for myself.

One thing I realized is that when you are dating someone high value, it’s easy. There’s no reading into text messages or waiting by the phone waiting for them to respond. Good guys are straight-forward and let their intensions be known. James told me when we first started dating that his job as my boyfriend is to make my life easier and less stressful and I thought that was such a revelation. Dating has always been very stressful for me but this time around, dating has actually made my life more relaxing and calm.

I just wanted to share this with you all because there is hope and the right guy will notice and appreciate your standards! When reading FDS, I always thought ‘no guys like that exist’ but they are out there, you just have to be patient.