I've gone so far the other way now, that I impulsively block, ignore or grey rock everyone I come across romantically, (who isn't immediately blocked). I'm never rude, but my friends have mentioned that I seem extremely harsh. One thing I've noticed though; no one was kidding when they said dick was abundant.

The moment I get even remotely close to anyone, I just back off. It's like there's a contempt in me somewhere I can't shake off. A wariness.

I've had so much therapy, been single for ages, professionally and personally I'm flourishing. I've never been in better shape. I got a tattoo to cover scars given to me by my first boyfriend. I'm to all intents and purposes, absolutely fine. And I feel fine.

But there's this emptiness now with men where there used to be excitement or butterflies or love. And I always expect the worst now, with contempt. I don't even feel sad, just clinical. Does anyone else feel this way? I hope it won't always be like that, but I've accepted that it might be.