I’m not sure if this has been talked about, but I think it’s really important to take note of attachment styles in people you are dating. I think the majority of LVMs tend to either be anxious, avoidant, or a mixture of both, which can make dating them hell.

I personally used to attract anxious attached men in the past probably because I used to be an avoidant. This is important to note because similar attachment styles (besides secure attachment) tend not to date for very long. I think the majority of women who are a pickmes tend to be anxious, so they date avoidant men.

This is important to take note of because these couples have a pursuer-distancer dynamic. Since I used to be avoidant, I was naturally always the one distancing. This didn’t mean my relationships weren’t better though because anxious men are just as insecure as avoidant men. I was always stressed because I had to constantly prove that I wouldn’t abandon them and that took a lot of emotional labor on my part.

So, overall, what I’m saying is we need to pay attention to our attachment styles and those of the men we’re dating. Leveling up means working to achieve a more secure attachment style. This is critical if you want to have higher quality relationships because HVMs will most likely be securely attached individuals.

Luckily, it’s possible to change your attachment style. I did it unintentionally by practicing positive self talk and making sure I didn’t put myself down in moments of rejection or disappointment. Overtime, my confidence boosted and this helped me become less afraid of being open with people and of rejection entirely. Now that my attachment style is more secure (attachment styles are on a spectrum) it’s easier for me to date at my standards because I’m secure with myself. This means when I meet avoidant or anxious men, I steer clear from them since they are incompatible with my attachment style.