BDSM is abuse

2021-05-28T10:50:49+00:00

Yes.

A few years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy who pressured me into doing a sex act I didn't want to do at that moment. I remember telling him I didn't want to do the thing. He said "I thought you were a submissive", trying to make me feel bad. So I did it, because I felt my credibility was on the line.

I felt like this was some type of sexual coercion. I've heard a lot of stories from BDSM practitioners that echo this kind of thing, but they saw it as a positive thing or "that's just how doms are" and I think it's all kind of bogus and fucked-up now. I'm glad I got out of the scene. It sucks.

Catz10000 · 2021-05-28T14:14:38+00:00

I'm always reminded that serial killers escalate from porn and are sexually aroused by hurting women. Does any more really need to be said?

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-05-28T15:17:17+00:00

In no other area would we consider consent sufficient justification for abuse. There’s a reason you can’t hire someone to kill you, sell yourself into slavery, or sign a contract to sell your internal organs. Consent is not enough to prevent harm.

souredskittles · 2021-05-28T05:44:48+00:00

Just because his penis is out when he is hitting you doesn’t mean it isn’t abuse.

curlywurlyprincess · 2021-05-28T09:10:19+00:00

It’s scary how normalized BDSM has become. It’s not “empowering” to be abused and degraded by a man.

merlinscalculator · 2021-05-28T08:42:08+00:00

Why is it that whenever someone posts about the TRUTH of bdsm or porn on here I can only see a quarter of the comments 😂 it really brings all the male lurkers out of the shadows - dick in hand, mouth foaming, must protect my right to sexually and physically abuse women!!!

WittyImprovement · 2021-05-28T13:21:02+00:00

I lose a little respect for someone when they say they're into BDSM. Doesn't matter if it's someone I'm trying to date or not

sleepykittn · 2021-05-28T09:36:16+00:00

The S litterally stands for Sadism. Consent or not, that will cause psychological harm no different than a bully criticising someone because the brain eventually internalizes it no matter if you think you wont.

I used to think its just a deeper form of intimacy for trusting, but wgy would someone getvoff on hurting the person they love? It's obviously not right.

ilovesanddollars · 2021-05-28T09:18:37+00:00

I think the following is really important to note here, because the kink community emphasises the fact that there is ‘consent’ means it’s not abuse and that the fact that it is ‘pretend’ means its not abuse.

In practice, ‘consent’ in kinky sex is rarely handled at all let alone correctly. It’s an issue thats handled by most in the same way as consent is other sexual situations (totally ignored, coerced, manipulated, by deception and so on).
Your body does not know it’s pretend, and our experiencing consciousness resides in the body, so we sustain the same trauma as we would if it was real.

The above create trauma bonds, and this is a well known phenomenon in the kink community but is not recognised as such.

The above also creates negative emotional effects for both dominant and submissive; however, these are not recognised as the result of the harm abuse to both submissive and dominant but as a ‘comedown’.

Further, if you are consenting to what is presented to you as a healthy sexual activity that is in fact, abuse, have you really consented at all?

In psychological research, consent that is obtained deceptively or that is poorly informed (the person didn’t know what they were consenting to) is not consent.

BDSM is abuse, and no woman should feel pressured by assertions that it is not abuse due to it being ‘consensual’ or ‘pretend’.

AcadiaLeather5071 · 2021-05-28T08:35:22+00:00

Kinkmesha: my husband beats me!

Woman: that’s horrible! I’ll help you find a woman’s shelter-

Kinkmesha: no but I like it 🥴

wordy_fries · 2021-05-28T07:04:00+00:00

Can't believe this has to be explained

ballpitscorpion666 · 2021-05-28T15:30:31+00:00

Women who really like it simply don't know anything else. I hear so many stories of women who woke up one day and said I can't believe I was doing this just because it seemed like the most likeable thing for me to do. It made me attractive. What's the fucking point?????? eeing how IT EFFECTS EVERYONE ELSE who want nothing to do with that kind of double standard..// it hurts everyone not just you// to play into it. We should hold them directly accountable for selling their sisters out for the price of shit. It's a travesty and an outrage. With all the 'oops I didn't even know' stories that come out.... Honestly don't believe women who say they like it. They're just brainwashed to loathe themselves fiercely.

greenbagmaria · 2021-05-29T03:26:23+00:00

By the way, SSC—— what kind of consent can a mentally, financially abused person, isolated from everyone, can give?

It’s not consent if she had no choice

_grow_up_already_ · 2021-05-28T20:53:03+00:00

Consent does not erase abuse

Lack of consent is abuse

Coerced consent still is abuse

Uninformed consent still is abuse

Consent does not erase abuse it is only a portion of the correct circumstances which PREVENT abuse

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eternal_boredoom · 2022-06-20T09:59:33+00:00

It depends a lot on how you go about it.

But the line is very thin and you have to be careful.

Title	BDSM is abuse
Author	Phoenix__Rising2018
Upvotes	369
Comments	33
Date	May 28, 2021 5:24 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nmqlpj/bdsm_is_abuse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/bdsm-is-abuse.775039 https://theredarchive.com/post/775039

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