I’m currently living with my partner; how do I break up with him safely & effectively? He’s an alcoholic and an addict with a temper and major depression that he has yet to pursue any treatment for.

He is determined to keep tabs on me from demanding to know about my finances to going through my phone during relapses. I have very little privacy. Yet, I’ve caught him in numerous lies revolving around his drinking, right to my face. I don’t fancy hiding or sneaking around me.

When we go out, he always makes comments about my walking speed. If I’m going too fast for him, he complains that I’m rushing. When I don’t feel like sprinting to match his pace, he has to throw in his two cents as well.

He sleeps all day and wakes up at night once I’m finally knocking out for the day, so we rarely have time to talk about our issues or communicate. Whenever I try to bring up anything that’s bothering me, he always tries to put it off for another time and then never gets around to it. There’s always an excuse, be it a bad mood or a physical ailment or fatigue. Then he turns around and complains that I’m poor at communicating.

I tried setting a boundary that I was only interested in a long-term relationship if I saw a complete future with the person in question (having the goal of having a family together.) When I brought this up originally, I was also told we’d “talk about it later down the line.” Since then, he’s dropped comments about getting a vasectomy several times. This isn’t a person I can see a future with without sacrificing my own wants and needs.

I don’t get along with any of his friends. They make me uncomfortable for various reasons.

Ultimately, I’m just not feeling it anymore. I’m unhappy and bored and lonely. I feel like he’s putting in zero effort. My needs aren’t being met. I’m unfulfilled emotionally and physically.

I’m also curious about the timing. I’m going away for a few days to visit friends back home. Should I address this before I leave or when I return?

I made a fatal mistake by moving in with him and I know it. In my inexperience, I don’t know how to initiate the conversation in a clear and concise way. I don’t want to waste time talking about things that aren’t worth harping on, and I also want to be clear that there’s no room for second chances.

What are your thoughts? Any words of wisdom here?