Experiences With Selfish Men?

karsteniana · 2020-02-27T12:39:21+00:00

Right here with you. Was married to a selfish man for a decade and have dated a string of LVMs, all of whom were selfish in one way or another, since.

An example? My ex was your typical LVM who never lifted a finger around the house, would get paggro if I asked him for help because he didn't LiKe My ToNe, was constantly gaslighting me and then was completely shocked, SHOCKED, when I filed for divorce.

I'm fully embracing the radical feminist man-hating life now.

curlygirl507 · 2020-02-27T12:08:30+00:00

Yes. Almost all of them are totally selfish. All of my exes and all of my friends' dads. It's harder to think of a counterexample.

2020-02-27T12:37:59+00:00

The last guy I had sex with before giving up on men entirely was in 2013 when I was still very young. He was obsessed with me but absolutely disgusted by the idea of a woman seeking pleasure. The only thing that would do it for him was complete submission and starfish type sex. If I told him I wanted something for my own pleasure he would attempt to shame me for it. I told him to fuck himself and have never regretted it.

Blue85Heron · 2020-02-27T13:22:18+00:00

Examples? I just dropped a guy after 3 months of seeing him. I was pretty head-over-heels until I began to see some patterns in him.

He was a millionaire, but other than 1 or 2 dates right in the beginning, he never spent any of it on me.
He had a serious conflict in his soul about whether he should a) buy himself a new yacht or b) spend that money to put his daughters through college.
I asked him about the things going on in his life all the time, but he rarely asked about mine. My mom was diagnosed with Parkinsons: did he ever think to check in with me about how she was doing? How I was doing? Crises in my work life: he patted me down once then instantly forgot about it.
I'll bet he couldn't even tell you the names of my children.
It was always ME coming over to see HIM. Or meeting him somewhere. Never being picked up and driven by him. It's the grown-up version of the teenage boy who sits in the driveway and honks his horn for his date.
He was so pleased with himself: his professional status; his first-class flights; his hockey skills; his expensive house. The things that interested me--poetry; literature; serving the poor, etc. made his eyes glaze right over.

These didn't jump out at me right away, because he also did things like cook for me, was romantic, etc. But on hindsight, they were things HE wanted to do. I told him I was a hand-holder, but he never once held my hand. I was there for his convenience, period.

NEXT!

ralviee · 2020-02-27T12:35:23+00:00

Yeah, it’s incredibly rare to find a man who isn’t selfish. I’ve been lucky in the past to meet a few, but they can be counted on one hand and are often drowned out by the awful majority.

ldnsurvival · 2020-02-27T12:59:21+00:00

I feel all of this. Barely even find men attractive any more - feel so disengaged from them. I think it's a defence mechanism and a means of preserving mental and emotional energy.

Lizadeviza · 2020-02-27T14:28:45+00:00

What if I told you that they actively go out of their way to be selfish because they believe that it's attractive and will help them win you over? To them the very act of being with you is akin to a personal conquest in a love/hate ritual they have with their own self worth and sexuality. You are little more than a point, a tally, an indication that he isn't a loser who can't get laid. That's usually all there is, even if they aren't honest about it to themselves and believe they want to fall in love or whatever. All that means is they want someone to condone and encourage their defects or bad decisions, another tally to convince them that they aren't the absolute garbage they know they are deep down without a shadow of a doubt.

naamshiko · 2020-02-27T16:21:48+00:00

My ex-boyfriend asked me to not go for a PhD (I was applying for grad school at the time) because it would make us unable to live together for longer and he wanted someone to "take care of him" while he works. Then he said he was upset that I wanted to be a student for a long time because if we had children past 30, that means his parents may not see their grand-children graduate university. He said that a few weeks after I'd lost my own mother.

My father found a new 20-year-old girlfriend a few months after my mom passed away and now spends most of the time with her while I am taking care of my sisters (a.k.a his own fucking children) and expects me to cook and do the chores.

Men are the most selfish creatures. They expect us to love, care for them and bear their children whenever it feels convenient for them, but we shall not ask too much in return and god forbid we have our own goals in life that do not revolve around their sole existence. They want us to remain below them because it allows them to keep us in control and to settle for less than we deserve.

So the motto here is live for yourself. Get the degree that will make you reach your goals. Get that promotion. Move to your dream city. Take yourself to nice places. You are your own best friend. NEVER consider a male's opinion in your life's plans, even if he's your boyfriend, even your husband. If he's the good one he will support you. I've personally never been happier and fulfilled than when I am single. I was selected for grad school and will start this spring with an amazing scholarship and am looking forward to my future. I don't regret dumping my boyfriend one bit.

You don't need to hate men (even though they make it really hard not to), but only give attention to those who add value to your life. The other ones can fuck right off.

JOEYMAMI2015 · 2020-02-27T14:25:56+00:00

Ha! Same here! My son's father is a sociopath narcissist and I was young and dumb when I met him so I really did not know what I was getting myself into. He ended going to prison and we broke up. I've been single for 4 years now and honestly, after going on many dates not ONE person has really stood out for me. I feel like I am just attracting the same bunch of males: unmotivated, misogynistic and with personality issues. I also don't want to turn into a man-hater but these males nowadays are also not making it easier for us.

It also sucks because I do have a high drive but I don't even trust anyone to be a FWB lol

ladyyninjaa · 2020-02-27T17:28:43+00:00

I dated an actuary for almost 2 years:

1.) He wanted me to sleep on the couch because I "made the room too hot." Naïvely, I agreed. He allowed his 2 cats to sleep on his queen sized bed even though cats have a higher body temperature than humans.

2.) Told me that he "wasn't the vacationing type." A few months after I broke up with him, he went on vacation halfway across the country to meet up with guy friends.

3.) Claimed that he was "frugal" when doing things for me but splurged over $1K on computer parts and chose to live in a more costly area.

4.) Seemed to treat me better when his parents were around.

5.) The moment he got a promotion at work, he started to treat me like an employee. One day he randomly started giving me "constructive criticism" without reflecting to his own progress.

6.) Started talking about divorce and prenups like I was going to be some kind of parasite. I honestly felt like he was the gold digger.

There were more but can't think of anymore at the moment.

VaporwaveVampire · 2020-02-27T17:53:49+00:00

When I got sexually assaulted (I guess raped because it involved anal penetration in a cabin while I was unconscious) then attempted suicide the next week, my “boyfriend” at the time told me to text him when I’m feeling less emotional, proceeded to sleep with girls while I was in the hospital, never check up on me, then blocked me because he found someone else. He always showed me pics of girls DMing him who he wanted to sleep with.

redfarmmmmm · 2020-02-27T15:35:46+00:00

I go the high way and act more selfish when dealing with those guys. Usually I don’t get involved with selfish friends or selfish guys as I sense from very early on but one of my roommate was selfish. All the past roommates moved our less than 3 months because of her. What I did was I ignored her completely. Like she’s invisible. You should do the same. When they’re talking on date, just take out your phone and do something else. I usually reply to my work emails.

Title	Experiences With Selfish Men?
Author	Radtron3000
Upvotes	56
Comments	24
Date	February 27, 2020 11:42 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/faav9s/experiences_with_selfish_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/experiences-with-selfish-men.681416 https://theredarchive.com/post/681416

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