How do you vet millionaires?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-02-23T16:57:26+00:00

I know this question is not going to pertain to most of our users, but I want to see where this goes.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-02-23T17:05:05+00:00

Watch out for love bombing/financial coercion. Generosity should be tempered by the level of commitment you have. Newly dating, I assume: Paying for a date, buying you flowers, fantastic! Bringing you a Tiffany necklace on the second date, red flag red flag red flag. Love bombing, sugar baby, bad financial decision making, expecting something in return, etc.

Most everything else is the same. Respect is mandatory, respect for your time, your boundaries, your decisions. Listening and asking questions. Not on their phone during the date. Follow up texts, setting up the next date, no vagueness or funny business.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-02-23T18:56:49+00:00

Be wary of how they use their money.

Often they wield it like a weapon and expect complete obedience and deference. Look for red flags like if they 'joke' about paying for everything, being 'used' for their money by the ex-wife or kids, or belittle your status for not being as wealthy.

One thing I noticed with rich guys, is how often you're not supposed to get ANYTHING from them. They're fine taking from you, while reminding you you're not wealthy, but can't even stand to see you enjoy yourself for a moment. Keep your eyes open

idiosyncraticg1 · 2021-02-23T19:58:12+00:00

My ex was extremely wealthy as well. I must admit, I stayed with him longer than I should have because he was always throwing gifts at me, buying me clothes, and taking me travelling. We partied a lot and really lived that lifestyle.

Things to watch out for: everything that doesn’t concern money. Pretend he doesn’t even have that money. What does his wealth have to do with who he is to you? Set firm boundaries and walk away at the first lie, neg, whatever. When he fucks up, he WILL come running back to you with flowers, teddy bears, jewelry. Do NOT take him back. If he’s not a nice guy, he will think that he can do whatever he wants to you and buy you back with gifts. Show him that he’s wrong.

Maintain your boundaries. This is just another guy, except he’ll try to buy you back with expensive jewelry.

chasingastarl1ght · 2021-02-23T17:14:45+00:00

Do they act like all they have to offer is their money and then act bitter when they attract people based on their money?

Does he describes any of his exes as gold digging?

What did the exes do for a living? Did they have actual career or were all in a very unbalanced financial situation (stay at home, starting a business, still in school). Pay attention to decorative careers (not that they are alaways decorative, but some jobs look prestigious but can be done in a part time manner for appearances only : real estate agent, social media manager, bloggers, etc.)

Beware of love bombing and overly extravagant gifts. Gifts should be just a "higher" version of what a guy with a regular salary would offer. So restaurants dates are simply more upscale, better wine, etc. But he's not flying you to another city so you can taste that one place as a second date, per example.

Is he controlling? Even the small stuff. Gifts can be a way to control your appearances (specific shoes and dresses he gifts you because that's what he wants you to wear)

Is his attitude towards any problem to throw money at it or does he let you vent, listens, etc.

lilsplasha · 2021-02-24T02:47:17+00:00

I’m dating an extremely wealthy self-made man, and it can be great but it can honestly be not worth it sometimes because of the uneven power dynamic it can cause. My advice is be careful of letting him buy your love. Keep your standards high, and don’t let him get away with only spoiling you materially. Be careful to stay independent, have your own career, and never become financially dependent on him. I’ve made this mistake and it’s been extremely difficult to get equality back in the relationship. And if things get serious, get your own lawyer in a prenup situation, do not rely on his lawyer to have your best interests in mind. If his family is lower to middle class, they may see you as a threat to their own livelihood, so be sure he treats you as a priority and is strong enough to stand up to his family and other people who want to take advantage. And most important, do not ignore ANY red flags just because he is wealthy. Better to be with an average earning HVM than a rich LVM.

Diamond_fairy · 2021-02-23T17:24:32+00:00

The same red flags that you'd look for when vetting any other man.

I would add that some of them can't fathom that being a millionaire is not a personality trait and will act as if it is, and that's a red flag in itself.

This being said, spotting "basic" red flags in those relationships can require a level of emotional detachment that's not usual: the comfort provided by money could be confused with effort and care from their part, and that can fuel a distorted perception of reality.

Look for things that they do for you without using their money: gestures, social manners, attention and anticipation about things that you could need to feel more secure and respected.

You really just need to be extremely decisive on what you want, strict on your boundaries and standards, and just unforgiving before any disrespect.

Mcccy · 2021-02-23T18:08:24+00:00

Oh boy, super rich guys are either HVM or NVM in my experiences.

Watch out for:

1) How he acts with 'normal' people. If he treats waiters/car boys/hotel stuff/receptionists/workers rude or plain bad, he has a superiority complex. It's only a matter of time till he realises you are 'normal' too and aren't really worth good treatment.

2) His money management. If he was born into money he may doesn't know how to act without them, or wastes an unnecessary amount of money and won't know how to act if his constant flow of money suddenly stops.

HeavyMetalLobster · 2021-02-23T17:22:25+00:00

I dated a guy who said he made his first million by 32. He was 51. I was 29. He said he wanted to pay me and get me “on the books” where he would pay me a whopping 200$ a week to give him lunchtime blowjobs and be monogamous

The same FDS rules apply to rich men. They’ll invest the same. Or not. They’ve all got penises and money doesn’t change how bad they want their pp touched

AlexxyaKat · 2021-02-23T17:32:14+00:00

[deleted]

thighsmatch · 2021-02-24T01:01:37+00:00

I’d agree with the above warning of new money. My ex was like that and no matter how many new vehicles or properties he bought, he was deeply insecure at the end of the day. He was also a narc. His friends were also almost all rich and awful. One of them was caught cheating on his pregnant wife with sex workers (plural) and was remorseful in public but not actually sorry, laughed and told my ex the wife knew what she was getting into.

Especially if you are in a well-educated prestigious yet low paying field (curator, non-tenured professor, nonprofit), I would be particularly careful. New money guys might want to partner with women like this to soften their image and seem sophisticated. Even though my ex loved showing me off at parties and showering me with unsolicited gifts, he would always disparage me as having a useless degree and say disparaging things implying that I would be dependent on him when we got married.

sermuonielis · 2021-02-23T17:35:17+00:00

Most ladies here have covered it, so I'll say what subtle things to look for. They treat their wealth and status as a side effect of their honest work, not something that was their goal. Paying for/buying things is done in a discreet way, no weird ick on your part about it because he's so natural with it. He does care about your career/ goals/values more than if you went to St. Barths before like he did. Huge focus is on books, inspirational figures, appreciation for nature, philosophy and arts. May appear classist but it's always a good sign if his parents were already at least middle class (they had jobs that required a university degree). They also really care about their health most of the time so beware of heavy drinkers/steak fanatics/ avoiders of sports.

Firstdayinhell · 2021-02-23T17:20:36+00:00

He shouldn't try to "buy" you. If he buys you unexpected, super expensive gifts, shows off with fancy cars/ house/.. or flashes cash you should probably get rid of him. Same with the other extreme, if he is exceedingly stingy and makes it a point for you to "prove" you are not a gold digger. Both of these show that he has an unhealthy, transactional view of your relationship

Carpedictum · 2021-02-23T19:39:52+00:00

Such men? That’s all I’ve ever dated and I use straight FDS without modifications.

I suppose I don’t identify with worries over video game addictions- it’s more likely his addiction is work. You don’t have to worry about them doing household chores because no one does that in their home. Also their “porn” is more likely to be an actual person. I’ve never found a stash of pictures or videos; I have found mistresses and sex workers.

Otherwise, it all seems the same to me.

jayda92 · 2021-02-24T13:00:01+00:00

Welcome to my area of expertise.

Do they let you do your own thing? And value your qualities? They usually don't, so you need to lay down the law on how they must treat you FROM THE BEGINNING. Watch out for superiority complexes.

Don't let them exploit you. May it be your body, your own resources or your sanity.

If they're simply flaunting you instead of treating you like a queen, sun and earth, watch your back.

Always feel the temperature of the room. Hang out with the other ladies and do your research to the guy you're dating. Come to know how people talk about you behind your back. Never attack, always distance.

Ghost when something feels off. If you can't, 'grey rock' them.

Make sure to always have your own passport with you. Have a copy as well. Have people know where you are at all times. Is he adventurous, and if so, does he show risky behaviors?

Are they generous? Helpful to others?

How willing are you to step in the role as his girlfriend/wife when it has consequences to your own life?

I wouldn't recommend dating millionaires since it's a cesspool of complex issues that just gets exaggerated by money.

Mind-Objective · 2021-02-24T04:27:50+00:00

If he violates a boundary you leave

Title	How do you vet millionaires?
Author	thakigai
Upvotes	26
Comments	23
Date	February 23, 2021 9:56 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lqes73/how_do_you_vet_millionaires/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-vet-millionaires.744734 https://theredarchive.com/post/744734

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