Is it normal to feel afraid for your safety when you break up with an LVM?

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-05-14T02:27:39+00:00

Contrary to popular myth, breaking up with a man is when you are most at risk for him killing or hurting you. So it’s actually smart to be concerned. Even if he’s never hurt you before. Take all precautions you need.
Lundy Bancroft talks about this in his Domestic Violence research.

ethnicallyabiguous · 2020-05-14T03:00:55+00:00

I had an acquaintance who I didn’t really care for. I thought he was the laziest, LVM, mommas boy, scammer. He admitted he would study symptoms of disorders he would then claim to have in order to get disability and opioids. When he got married, everyone in our circle of friends instantly decided she was the best thing about him. She had been working 2 jobs to his none for years, and struggling under the financial weight of taking care of her manchild and herself. When she finally divorced him we all took her side.

He came back to our town and learned quickly that no one, not even his mother was willing to put up with his shit. So one day he asked us(friends) to loan him a few hundred for a motel. He had a job and just needed to survive until he got his check. We agreed to give the money to him and found out he used it to buy a plane ticket back to her so he could beg forgiveness. She of course said no. She was even starting to date again. As her relationship got serious, he became petulant, violent and tried to start a fight with her new man. She of course made him leave.

So he went to the gun store at some point over the next week, bought a gun, and went to her house. He shot her new boyfriend in the head twice, killing him and orphaning his two children. Then he shot her twice in the head and left. She managed to dial 911 before she was shot. Miraculously she survived but has been a paraplegic, still relearning motor functions and such.

Because he was scamming the system for opioids for years, he was able to plea insanity. I knew he was a lazy, pothead, piece of shit but never thought he was capable of such a thing. But here he is, still scamming the government in court. I am racked with guilt for giving him that money.

All I can tell you is trust your gut. You never really know what a man is capable of until you take away what he felt entitled to.

didumakethetea · 2020-05-14T02:36:40+00:00

Get a deadbolt and a chain for your front door. Better safe than sorry, for real. I hope nothing happens and I'm so glad you got your pup ❤️

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-05-14T02:13:03+00:00

Turning off your social media for at least 90 days is a start.

Suspicious_Trick · 2020-05-14T03:22:42+00:00

Like another woman mentioned, separating/ breaking up is statistically the most dangerous time with abusive men. Can you create a safety plan? Maybe call YWCA or another DV hotline? You aren’t wasting their time. Prevention is a HUGE part of SA/DV work. Please be safe. Even something small like moving around the furniture can give you a few extra seconds if he were to break in and fall over something that was previously elsewhere in your apartment (and seconds count in a situation like that). DV hotlines can help you plan something specific to your circumstances.

Saitschik · 2020-05-14T04:25:14+00:00

I am willing to fully admit that I lose all sense of reasonable, sensible gun control when it comes to psychotic men after breakups. If he’s that freaky, learn to shoot. It’s not hard.

LadyGrimes · 2020-05-14T02:27:10+00:00

Absolutely since men are unpredictable. I would advise to look out for harassment and collect evidence of anything he does and then report to police. Always watch yourself in these situations.

DaneShook · 2020-05-14T05:05:28+00:00

Trust your gut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t stress that enough. If your intuition is telling you that he’s a loose cannon, 99.999999% of the time you are right. If you have friends or family that you can TRUST/confide in or check on your whereabouts, link up with them and let them know how you’re feeling. 💖

Saitschik · 2020-05-14T12:04:29+00:00

If you feel like you are at risk listen to your gut. I would advise to cut all contact, getting higher security for your door and carry a self-defense weapon. Pepperspray for example or even a gun when in the US.

When walking your dog you could might ask another dog owner if you can walk together.

Also, read "The gift of fear" a great book on how to stay safe when dealing with abusive/violent men

cherrybombfield · 2020-05-14T04:04:55+00:00

No it is not normal but that being said you should pay attention bc your subconscious mind will pick up on dangers that you do not realize are there. If you are afraid there is a reason and you should do everything you can proactively to protect yourself.

yumiia · 2020-05-14T02:14:46+00:00

I would say it shouldn’t be normal, but it seems to be so common that it is becoming a norm sadly. Your ex is not just an LVM, he is also abusive. So yes it is normal for you to feel scared since he has threatened you and gotten belligerent. I would suggest telling your neighbors and people close to you, as well as seeing if you can make a report with the police. If you have enough evidence you can pay to get a restraining order. If you have proof of abuse the restraining order would possibly be free. I’m not an attorney or have any actual background with law so take it with a grain of salt...

On another note, no it is not normal or okay to feel scared after breaking up with someone. You feel that way because your ex is a cowardly abusive pos. People should never feel scared to leave a relationship.

WestAtmosphere · 2020-05-14T16:19:21+00:00

Yep. I’ve had men with unmedicated mental illnesses stalk me for up to 2 years after the breakup, of even with me going 100% no contact.

It’s a nightmare. One threatened to bang on the door of my parents house in the middle of the night until I answered, or they threaten suicide and will ghost to actually make you concerned, threaten to do something to ruin your reputation etc. At least 2 out of my 8 relationships/dating scenarios this happened. Out of those 8 guys I would say only 3 were somewhat hvm. The rest either didn’t want to commit/were pornsick.

But some of these men made me so stressed and sick. They get off on this shit.

radical__daphne · 2020-05-14T15:09:20+00:00

This is probably not possible, but could you move to a different apartment? Personally I would move if I could. Or stay with some different friends and family members for awhile?

Alexamaria · 2020-05-15T01:36:43+00:00

Here are some hints for safety, it’s not a comprehensive list! -Tell a couple neighbors that he is no longer welcome in your apartment and to please not answer any questions from him about your activities. -If there is the slightest possibility that he has a key, change your locks -if he knows where you work, check into security. Most places have rules about giving out contact info but some people are easily prone to social engineering and give out info. - Read the Gift of Fear and Why Does He Do That. It sounds like this guy was doing some slick work to get you tied to him quickly with adopting a puppy in such a new relationship. These books will break down ways people manipulate you into getting attached too soon.

Title	Is it normal to feel afraid for your safety when you break up with an LVM?
Author	Alexamaria
Upvotes	86
Comments	36
Date	May 14, 2020 1:31 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gjckxl/is_it_normal_to_feel_afraid_for_your_safety_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-it-normal-to-feel-afraid-for-your-safety-when.676217 https://theredarchive.com/post/676217

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