Is not approaching a red flag?

thighsmatch · 2021-03-18T01:49:52+00:00

If he doesn’t approach you he could be a totally decent man who isn’t interested in dating you, which is fine.

Men who blame feminists/MeToo for why they make their women partners take all initiative in relationships from now on don’t sit right with me. Seems emotionally lazy at best. There is a difference between a guy approaching you and starting a conversation and respectfully asking for your number, and handles rejection with grace, as opposed to a guy who makes inappropriate sexual comments and keeps pushing when you decline.

souredskittles · 2021-03-18T01:31:21+00:00

A decent man will know how to approach a woman respectfully and where appropriate. Period.

If he doesn’t approach- he’s not that interested or socially awkward/ shy. Avoid.

Hope that helps.

Mysterious_Midnight7 · 2021-03-18T02:09:57+00:00

Back in the day, I used to not hesitate to make the first move and nothing bad ever resulted from it. I firmly believe dating apps changed all that, because now even the biggest loser thinks he constantly has a billion options. If a guy won't approach now, it's because he wants to see if you'll do it so he can see how thirsty you are. It's only downhill from there. (to clarify: I'm talking about the ones who make it clear they're interested but won't initiate anything)

Platipus6 · 2021-03-18T04:00:06+00:00

Red flag from this guy because it's an abuser tactic.

"Extrapolate to absurdity to get you to drop the whole thing"

eg a guy yells, you ask him to stop yelling, he says "OH OK I GUESS I CAN NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN THEN"

It's absurd. That's not what you asked. He extrapolated it to absurd lengths in order to get you to drop your request. You have to take it or leave it. Take him yelling, or get nothing. Let me do what I want, don't have boundaries, or you get nothing.

We want men to pay for dinner to show their interest. "OH WOW LOOK AT THESE GOLD-DIGGERS THEY JUST WANT TO USE MEN AS WALLETS CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT"

We want men to stop harassing. "OH OK I GUESS I CAN NEVER INITIATE EVER AGAIN". You have to take it or leave it. You have to drop "the feminism" in order to get this scrote's attention. That's not what we asked.

We want men to stop being inappropriate and creepy. "OH OK I GUESS I CAN NEVER APPROACH WOMEN OR BE FRIENDLY EVER AGAIN HUH"

We want men to stop sexually harassing us in the workplace. "OH WOW METOO HAS GONE TOO FAR. I GUESS I CAN NEVER TALK TO WOMEN AT WORK EVER AGAIN. I'M SO AFRAID FOR MY JOB."

You ask your mother to stop being critical. "OH WOW I GUESS I'M THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD I'LL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN THEN"

bitch_not_it · 2021-03-18T01:28:37+00:00

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Aocwannabe · 2021-03-18T06:38:17+00:00

I think the framing of the question still puts you in the energy of being the pursuer.
For your consideration, you will save so much time and energy if you vet for men that are highly interested- so interested that they will risk rejection to talk to you. If they’re afraid of being creepy, that is on them but don’t to the mental gymnastics to get yourself to approach him.
Look as attractive as possible, put yourself in a man’s line of sight and then enjoy wherever you are...it’s false that you even need to make eye contact.

The_Pyramidion · 2021-03-18T11:17:16+00:00

Maybe, if you don't want people to think you're a creepy, don't be fucking creepy bro. Hate this straw man, all it does is putting the blame on women (again).

2021-03-18T15:32:36+00:00

I wouldn’t risk dating someone who worries chatting is harassment. It seems like too easy a path from “don’t worry, this is consensual” to implied consent. But it’s just setting off covert narcissism red flags that might not be true for everyone.

EveSerpent · 2021-03-18T23:29:02+00:00

More than once I’ve been asked for my number when I’m out for a walk in the evening. Like that’s a random guy who I passed by on the sidewalk, wow yes let’s date. Also when I was sitting outside during a lunch break on a weekday in the middle of downtown, by a guy walking by me. That kind of “approach” must die and they know that’s what we’re talking about.

haunted_vcr · 2021-03-18T22:47:24+00:00

Depends on their reasoning. They might just not be interested, in which case let it be. However if they're vocal about wanting the women to approach because they're so afraid to be seen as harassers.... That's a red flag for several reasons.

It's not hard to approach politely - there's a difference between saying hello and creeping. If someone can't manage the polite one, they're a creeper.

If they're afraid of rejection, fair enough, but everything in life carries risk of rejection and if they aren't willing to brave it for you, my 2c is they're not that into you. You don't want a 'take it leave it' kinda guy.

If they want women to approach them because they just want it, they're the worst. They are insecure and need ego validation. They're not interested in securing a relationship but in feeling better. Run.

hethrezen · 2021-03-18T07:34:01+00:00

sometimes they dont approach you because they are intimidated and scared of your rejection. almost every guy who was into me was like that: couldn't make the first move but used every chance to get close to me (like helping with homework, working together, being in one company, etc). its not always a red flag, sometimes they are just shy. and i think that shy boys are really adorable, if you ask me 🙂

theseviraltimes · 2021-03-18T16:31:42+00:00

They say they don’t want to initiate because they don’t want to be seen as creepy. They want women to initiate, but the go post and comment things like “men of Reddit, what creepy things have women done to you?” If you hit on a man, he will probably find a way to turn it against you.

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