"It wasn't my intention"

nutshit · 2020-07-24T04:22:03+00:00

Well yeah. Everyone is gonna say “it wasn’t my intention” just to deflect any responsibility. Either tell him to take accountability or leave him :/ because you’re saying this happens frequently. Silence also works wonderfully..

SummitToThePeak · 2020-07-24T05:10:40+00:00

[deleted]

llamasinspace420 · 2020-07-24T05:02:36+00:00

Lol. Girl, my narcissist ass ex said this to me every time he ghosted me and came back, for the better course of a year. "I didn't intend to stop talking to you, I don't know why I got like that." Fuck was I ever naive. He said this when he emailed me a few weeks ago trying to test the waters, and I told him to beat it. It's a pure deflection so he doesn't have to actually deal with the issue at hand. Pretty big red flag, in my opinion.

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-07-24T04:40:42+00:00

Cut through his bullshit and say “I won’t be tolerating your lack of accountability anymore.”

However he responds to that should give you an idea of whether or not this relationship is worth it.

43rdaccount · 2020-07-24T05:44:56+00:00

damn stay strong sis! do not back down. this happened to me so many times. it's classic textbook gaslighting. essentially it's shifting the focus on his intentions and perception of reality, when actual actions and consequences are what matter. in my experience the cause is a mix of a) being too self centered to understand there is a world outside his tiny fucking head, and b) not respecting you as a whole rational human with valid observations

better to drop him, but if you insist on raising him: you gotta kick his ego down a notch. tell him that his intentions straight up dont matter since they dont change the facts and reality of the situation. make him understand you want to be with someone who acts rationally/consistently/maturely, and cant have to keep guessing the whims and intentions of another person if they dont express them clearly. hope some of these terms resonate or help! <3

SavvyInNYC · 2020-07-24T06:15:08+00:00

Intentions don’t mean anything, actions do.

Stand in front of a judge and tell them it wasn’t your intention to kill that person while driving drunk. See how far that gets ya.

daisy_0720 · 2020-07-24T06:54:44+00:00

Speaking from experience, it won't get better. You can try explaining until you're blue in the face, but you can't teach a grown man empathy. He will never apologize and all that unspoken resentment towards him will simmer inside you like a poison.

If you end things now, be prepared to feel some anger. Reflecting on the relationship, you'll be pissed off at the things you ended up apologizing for while he 'graciously' accepted your 'overreacting' and took no responsibility.

But once you come out the other side, you will feel soooooo much better never having to deal with that bullshit again. You will also never again enter a relationship with a man who can't say sorry or take accountability for his actions like a grown adult. Take it as a valuable life lesson and stay strong! You got this.

SummitToThePeak · 2020-07-24T07:07:41+00:00

Impact > Intentions!
If he cared about you, he'd care about the impact of his actions instead of justifying intent.

bootyandthebeet · 2020-07-24T07:11:28+00:00

Argh my ex kept spouting “it wasn’t my intention!” At the end of the relationship when I had a go at him over text about how badly he treated someone he was supposed to love.

“I’m sorry it wasn’t my intention to treat you like shit”

I was absolutely floored at how delusional/uncaring he is. His intentions mean absolutely nothing when he repeated behavior and words that I told him hurt me and ANYONE would agree are hurtful. I even told him how empty his intentions and words are at the end, he just didn’t respond 🤷🏻‍♀️

He even said “I’m sorry I didn’t live up to your expectations” what expectations? My expectations to be treated like a human being?!?! Does he wish his current gf doesn’t “expect” to be treated with respect?! Literally taking no accountability for his actions. He infuriated me to no end.

I will never understand him and his train of thought and I need to stop trying coz not worth the energy and mindfuck.

talldrankofH2O · 2020-07-24T06:40:19+00:00

My not shit exes said the same thing. It’s a lazy ass excuse to not care about your feelings or take accountability. Dump him

hhgjj0 · 2020-07-24T11:10:14+00:00

OK, it wasn't his intention, but he still hurt you? And it's happening continuously? Then it's enough to leave him.

Sometimes people are dickheads unintentionally, that does not mean you have to keep spending time with them.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-07-24T15:31:39+00:00

Block

He will never take responsibility for anything he does, he'll never change any of his behavior that hurts you, you will always feel crazy and invalidated and it will slowly eat away at you, also men who don't apologize to women when they hurt them is a red flag. A lot of men are taught that men don't apologize to women because women are below them.

myousername · 2020-07-24T11:10:59+00:00

"Intention does not excuse impact"

Imagine you're driving your car. You look away from the road for a moment to fiddle with the radio. You've done it a million times before and it's never caused any accidents or even any close calls.

Suddenly, you hear a loud crash and are thrown forward in your seat. Because you weren't paying attention, you didn't notice that the person in front of you braked suddenly, and you rear ended them, causing injury.

Now, try explaining to your insurance company that you didn't intend to collide into the vehicle in front of you, and therefore shouldn't be considered at fault. "I didn't mean to hit the other person in front of me, I was just changing the song! It was an accident!" Your insurance company doesn't buy it and your insurance rates go up.

That's how real life works. Your intentions often don't matter one bit if your actions or carelessness causes harm.

Capable_Okra · 2020-07-24T18:14:06+00:00

GIRL DON'T DO IT. I dated a guy just like this!! He never apologized because he'd always say "well I didn't mean to hurt you". In his mind, I had no right to be upset with him ever because he didn't intend to upset me.

I spent the entire relationship trying to teach him how to apologize. I explained why "it wasn't my intention" made me feel bad, I explained why I needed a real apology, hell I even researched "apology languages" (same BS as Love Languages) and tried to just accept that he couldn't ever give me the kind of apology I needed. I let him convince me that I was wrong for ever getting upset with him in the first place because as long as he said his intentions were good, that got him off the hook.

Please listen to me, I already did the emotional labor for you lol. You don't need to go through this. He will not change, he will not understand. No matter how you respond or communicate, he won't get it because why should he accept your point of view when he can live in his lies that protect him? His only priority is saving his delusional image of himself where he's a perfect angel who never does wrong.

swatir24 · 2020-07-24T09:26:26+00:00

I work closely with politicians in my country and something we say in my field is - look beyond good intentions.

m00nflam3 · 2020-07-24T08:27:38+00:00

As conscious beings everything we do has intention. So what exactly was his 😑😑😑

CrownWaster · 2020-07-24T18:59:17+00:00

Block him. In business, it doesn’t matter what the intention is, it’s the execution that matters. And if your execution sucks, your business can be crippled, or worse, fold. This guy’s business has folded. Let it go.

carameals · 2020-07-24T21:41:51+00:00

Intention doesn't mean anything. I have commented the similar thing on here. You come home from a long shift at work and you're exhausted, then you accidentally have micro sleep, your car hits another car and kills the driver of that car. You don't intend on killing that driver, you intend on going home and sleep. But you're still gonna be jailed for manslaughter.

Parking-Act · 2020-07-25T02:27:36+00:00

Sounds like the narc ex demon. Run.

He isn't taking responsibility.

He'll continue to purposefully "not intend" to do so much more to you and it'll harm you psychologically. It already is.

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Title	"It wasn't my intention"
Author	tsunemoris
Upvotes	52
Comments	30
Date	July 24, 2020 3:03 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hwu0aa/it_wasnt_my_intention/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/it-wasnt-my-intention.716965 https://theredarchive.com/post/716965

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