This post was inspired by my friend who is currently being put through the ringer by her latest low value boyfriend. He ignores her randomly (he once went three days without texting her), gaslights her about it and repeats the cycle. She’s confided in me and a mutual male friend about the situation, and after we’ve told her what we think (dump him!) she always ends with “I don’t know what to do”. The thing is, she absolutely does know what to do. She just doesn’t want to do it.

We have been conditioned somewhat to believe that every choice we make will feel good. This mentality is partly what keeps women in bad relationships. We know that the relationship is bad, but we rationalise staying because the thought of leaving seems worse. Ending a relationship and severing a connection rarely feels good, even if it was with a LVM. Our brain starts to bond and release feel-good hormones when we are round them. However, just because we feel bad making a particular decision that does not mean it was the wrong decision. And even more poignant is the fact that just because we don’t like a particular choice, or a choice would be hard to follow through with, that does not mean we don’t have a choice. There is sometimes comfort in the discomfort. We have to be strong enough to withstand short term pain for long term gain.