Men are emotionally stunted

2340000 · 2021-12-03T17:41:43+00:00

Yes, exactly! Take for instance direct communication

Instead of asking, "Is it okay if I kiss you?" or "Would you like to go on a date with me?", they make assumptions predicated on how bubbly you are. It's like women can't express a range of emotions other than happy-go-lucky. And if we're not falling over them, they cry because we're "hard to please".

If he wanted to he would, but this proves that men like coercive contact which is petulant.

aquietsword · 2021-12-03T19:55:07+00:00

I think men are more irrational because of this. Refusing to acknowledge your emotions doesn't make them go away, it just means they affect your decisions and you don't even know it. Feeling and processing your emotions means you have control and a clearer head.

This is 100% on them, I refuse to use society as a reason that they've never developed this skill (they love to pass the blame to society though). Feeling and processing emotions doesn't mean you have to display them, you can do this work within the framework of society, they just refuse. I wasn't "allowed" to be emotional either. I'd get yelled at as a child if I cried, and society told WOMEN AS WELL that emotions meant weakness. So I don't often display emotions either, but I still feel them and still process them and can support other people emotionally because of it.

Sage_Planter · 2021-12-03T19:56:52+00:00

I read an amazing article somewhere recently about this. I wish I had saved it.

The tl;dr is that girls are taught from a young age how to deal with emotions, other people, and inter-personal conflict. The books, shows, movies, magazines, etc. targeted towards girls focus on how to successfully interact with others whereas boy content seems to be more superheroes who just are the star.

kansascitydream · 2021-12-03T23:14:56+00:00

I agree with this 💯. On the other hand there is a brand of man (musician, artist) that is too comfortable expressing extreme emotions at inappropriate times (when you are celebrating a success, or struggling yourself). It comes off as attention seeking. Any ex Pick-mes who used to date “artsy types” know what I’m talking about. **Like buddy, I just found out I have cancer, and you are crying because no one will listen to your shitty band? Coooool………. Cool.**

katiekat0214 · 2021-12-03T17:34:13+00:00

I agree, and it's due to privilege. Those who are in the majority, in power, simply don't have to grow, or fight for what they need and want. They don't have to be respectful or even deferential to other people's feelings. Power, dominance, control absolutely stunts any growth at all. If you're at the top, where else is there to go?

To be honest, the next step is GO WITHIN. And some do! You never know when enlightenment will strike, but it can, and it does. Just think of all those rejections as seeds planted, wish them well as you move on, and hope for the best, that they will one day wake up. It's just that we personally don't invest in potential, and have better things to do while a manbaby takes his sweet time waking up and becoming a HVM.

My late father loved all of us kids to the moon and back. He worked hard to provide us, and his first wife (our mother), then his second wife (our step-mother) with a high quality lifestyle, including international travel. But he was emotionally very stunted. It's too complex to go in here, but he was coddled by his mother (grandmother), and was a Depression era white male. He wasn't abusive, but he was authoritarian (authoritarian lite with me, the baby), and although he tried hard to keep up with the news and the times, he just couldn't. I refused to discuss politics with him; he was a MAGA person. His own frailness made him more fearful, more conservative the older he got. Conversely, my sister and I have become more radical the older we get.

I love him and will always cherish his memory, but it's a sad commentary when men just stop at a certain point, and don't do the necessary inner work to become better. Or they simply can't do the work, don't have the tools, and have no clue how to begin... and won't ask questions.

thanarealnobody · 2021-12-04T04:13:05+00:00

My ex had recently lost a family member and I was comforting him. His response was to deny that he was upset all the time. “I’m fine. Everything is fine”

And when his mother was showing her grief, he told her that she needed to start fresh and move on.

It has been 2 months at that point.

The complete lack of understanding of emotions was astounding to me.

Of course, he would eventually show his sadness (at 3am after a lot of drinking) and I would be his emotional sponge, soaking it up for him.

And then by morning, he would deny feeling any emotion again.

I’m pretty sure an 8 year old understood how emotion worked better than him. Basics like, “grieving is normal” and “being sad is necessary sometimes” and “feelings things is a part of intimacy”.

__kamikaze__ · 2021-12-03T17:55:17+00:00

They’re basically toddlers in overgrown bodies. Not a good combination when they decide to throw a temper tantrum and can overpower most of the female population 😒

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-12-03T19:22:55+00:00

I think it's much worse than insufficient socialization and toxic masculinity. I think they are behind us in evolutionary development. They are simply have not yet evolved emotionally to catch up with us and are still operating in the primitive framework, like other species, driven by animalistic impulses, unable to deeply connect with anyone and experience the world as fully as we do.

jijitsu-princess · 2021-12-04T05:34:52+00:00

Beware of the “recreational” pot smoker. Recent studies show they are less emotionally intelligent than their peers.

JadeBaby2211 · 2021-12-04T02:19:52+00:00

With my most recent ex, I was attracted to his childishness, and saw it as like a fresh perspective or something. Then I realized that he got WAY too emotionally invested in kids cartoons, and I saw the video game addiction, and the loosely hidden red pill rhetoric (which let's face it, it's 100% childish men looking to other men for guidance like it was their dad) and im like oh...he needs to grow tf up🙄

onceuponasea · 2021-12-03T17:30:06+00:00

This has been me. I’ve ghosted, stonewalled, been passive aggressive, ignored, etc. there’s no excuse for my behavior. But truthfully when diving deeper on my behavior, I realize that a big part of my avoidance is fear. Fear of being gaslit, fear of being told I’m overreacting, fear of being seen as crazy, jealous, insecure, fear of being rejected, fear of him freaking out.

Title	Men are emotionally stunted
Author	fallen-summer
Upvotes	336
Comments	24
Date	December 3, 2021 4:21 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/r82sqf/men_are_emotionally_stunted/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-are-emotionally-stunted.1088906 https://theredarchive.com/post/1088906

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