Men Spinning Issues as “Shes Not Happy”

cutsforluck · 2020-12-12T15:35:25+00:00

It plays right back into the false narrative that women are just victims of their own capricious emotions.

And in turn, men in relationships fall victim by proxy.

It's convenient, because this narrative absolves these men of all responsibility to be decent and respectful on a basic level.

chocolatelustpile · 2020-12-12T18:24:41+00:00

This sums up my boyfriend (soon to be ex, it's just taking me a moment to get used to the idea...). Whenever I raise an issue in our relationship he goes on about how I'm never happy despite him doing everything in his power to make me happy (complete BS). It's like, of course I'm not happy right now because I've clearly told you what upset/hurt me and how you could do small things/make small changes so it doesn't happen again yet you ignored it and played the victim card. Stop making me out to be some over emotional unstable woman when I am stating what has upset/hurt me and what you can do to fix it in a calm and clear voice. Expressing myself doesn't mean that I'm emotional and having boundaries doesn't mean that I'm unhappy.

elvn-elvn · 2020-12-12T16:41:50+00:00

I think they do this for most emotional responses; they take out the “because I.” She always yells at me (because I...), she’s mad at me (because I...), she’s insecure (because I...)

highoncatnipbrownies · 2020-12-12T16:55:04+00:00

like he’s completely impotent to do anything

Right there's your answer. Men have been taught to be emotionally blind. They are so useless when it comes to others feelings that they are just helpless victims themselves. If the bumble along enough someone else will do the work for them.

Mind-Objective · 2020-12-12T18:39:14+00:00

With my recent ex I told him that I wasn’t happy with our relationship for XYZ reasons, some had to do with how routine our relationship became but mainly our communication issues. His response? “You will never be happy.”

vardebi · 2020-12-12T20:34:13+00:00

Men who talk about other women/exes as "so negative": 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚨

mutatedoctopus · 2020-12-12T21:31:01+00:00

This was a recent thing for me. My last relationship went from lovebombing to emotional and physical withdrawal, leaving me feeling anxious and lonely. Even though I stated clearly that my needs were not being met, the issues were always that I should learn to deal with my anxiety.
And don't get me started on the common refrain "you need to learn to love yourself, or you won't be able to love anyone else." My dude, I've got a pretty good sense of myself, don't deflect my clear issues with empty advice.

Austenma · 2020-12-12T17:44:02+00:00

Yes this is also an issue because this is what my mom told me as a child. So I had to relearn a lot, and learn that I'm allowed to be angry about a specific problem. I'm not imagining this bullshit.

repurposedschleem · 2020-12-12T17:42:34+00:00

My NVM ex, one of his catchphrases was that it didn’t matter if I left him, I’d soon see that I was the reason I was unhappy and unless I made some major changes inside, I’d always be unhappy — no matter who I was with.

And tbh he had a point. I struggled. I went to therapy, diagnosed with CPTSD. Healed, saw the abuse for what it was, kicked him out 2020, and I’m so much happier alone. I did have to make some major changes inside. Broken clock blah blah

kwalden2 · 2020-12-12T23:43:51+00:00

Now i can never imagine a man yelling about something that makes them angry and a women turning to them and in shock saying- But you’re not happy! You need to learn to love yourself. You’re just so unhappy!!

Think again. I will 100% say this to my husband, obviously a man. If he's gonna have an emotional overreaction, he gets called out. This is how we do it- this is how we end the patriarchy 1 "logical man" at a time.

spicyspa · 2020-12-13T07:48:55+00:00

My ex used to do this to me. If I came home to a house filled with So much junk on the floor I'd cut my feet I'd get pissed off and you'd say oh she's unhappy. Men can't put two and two together

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Title	Men Spinning Issues as “Shes Not Happy”
Author	GalsofWisconsin
Upvotes	151
Comments	20
Date	December 12, 2020 3:15 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kbqocl/men_spinning_issues_as_shes_not_happy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-spinning-issues-as-shes-not-happy.738063 https://theredarchive.com/post/738063

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