Oops, I did it again

m4dam3x · 2020-02-10T01:52:25+00:00

Chemical romance... just recognize that this kind of dynamic can ruin your life if you let it proceed unchecked.

You’ve seen his true colors. End of story. It won’t lead anywhere good. You know what you need to do, be strong and do it!

Edit: To be clear: he is a Casanova / master manipulator. Do not engage... he is playing you.

extraacct1234 · 2020-02-10T02:20:17+00:00

Oh my God what are you doing? You should reread your post, a couple of times. Remember that old saying fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

If a man dumps you or pulls away from you he is dead to you. Even if you see him in public, you've forgotten his name, you don't know who the hell he is, you don't even see him. Maybe you just look through him because he ain't there. He's a ghost.

Connecticut06482 · 2020-02-10T02:05:13+00:00

The insight that we all have here is that he is a NO. He is off and on, hot and cold. NOT good and you deserve way better.

He knows what he’s doing. He’s indecisive, he wants to have his cake and eat it too, and so far he has. He is sweeping in when he feels like it, gets attention from you, and then pulls away the minute he receives it. After one round of that pattern I would be done.

I know it’s not easy when you have that chemistry with someone, but remind yourself that chemistry like this is surface level. He love bombed you initially which can overwhelm you emotionally which it did.

Time to move on from this dude. Let him play cat and mouse with someone else.

lasolterita · 2020-02-10T05:18:34+00:00

He said that I scare him.

Common. It's a way of turning the blame on you. "You make me feel scared, that's why I've been so shitty and avoidant." No. It's not because you scare him.

He likes to keep you at a distance because it forces you to chase him. Makes you feel like you're being rejected, so that when he talks to you again you subconsciously feel validated. Oldest trick in the book. It gives you, the victim, a short-lived validation high. It feels like a lot more than it is, I would know. And it gives him, the perpetrator, an ego boost. Men love having sex with people they know are weak for them. It gets them real hard.

JoanHollowayWannabe · 2020-02-10T02:15:36+00:00

Please read about attachment theory because this sounds like textbook anxious/avoidant dynamics. This roller coaster is not 'loving and affectionate', it's your anxiety getting triggered. Heightened stress and anxiety are a chemical rush to the brain, but not a healthy one!

Good guys will feel 'boring' to you - because they're less dramatic and don't play games. I too struggle with not feeling 'the rush', but I'm verrry slowly learning to recognize what healthy courting and attraction look like. Please block him and also talk to a trustworthy friend about how you're feeling. My friends have done wonders in keeping me accountable around the avoidant assholes I'm 'naturally' attracted to because of my anxious attachment.

quaintlyspoken · 2020-02-10T01:59:31+00:00

Omg there was a video post on FDS about a guy teaching other guys to do this exact strategy to get laid in a widely popular American tv show.

I don't know what show it was because I don't watch it.

There was a total of six steps.

sealife67 · 2020-02-10T02:05:08+00:00

He sounds like he is playing you.

How do you know he was really trying to get another job away from you? He could've lied.

As for you 'scaring him' that sounds like some cheesy player line designed to hook you in and get more invested, like he wants you to think his feelings for you were so powerful that it scared him off for a while.

Don't waste time with a guy who plays games, makes excuses not to see you and then contacts out of the blue for sex.

How do you know you are the only woman he treats like this? Maybe he has other women he is dating at the same time.

AfraidofFollowers · 2020-02-10T01:50:09+00:00

Could it be the sex? Mine was the sex and it made me stay 6 months too long.

Call him out on his bullshit if he gets through your blocks. Listen to women empowering songs. Focus.

sealife67 · 2020-02-10T02:01:04+00:00

[removed]

ReignRain95 · 2020-02-10T06:21:00+00:00

the push and pull technique is used by PUA to get someone to chase them. he’s manipulative

TheChaosRitual · 2020-02-10T19:48:54+00:00

Are you sure the cost of flowers, dinner and a few sad words to tug on your heartstrings weren’t just cheaper and more reliable than a night with an escort?

Like I’m really sorry and not trying to be mean but he totally sounds like he’s using you for sex and validation.

sealife67 · 2020-02-10T01:57:40+00:00

I just held on to a situationship and did worse. I literally told him I was down for short term but needed connection (we had it at first—actions supported words for a while and we were both honest) lol—but him confusing me made me chase/then I’d go cold/take space/he’d chase/I’d get tired of it...and ugh. I partially held on to learn and make it hurt for myself—silly I know but finally... I blocked. No fretting. Just let the hormones in your body calm down. Write it down. I think it’s a thing for men to just get caught up in the whirlwind and then bail... let yourself fully withdraw.

turquoiseblues · 2020-02-10T04:54:15+00:00

Oh, god. 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

It's frustrating reading this. Please read everything in the sidebar, including all the recommended books (start with Natalie Lue's material) and then get back to us.

isitatossup · 2020-02-10T06:40:48+00:00

Girl, sorry, but he's playing you like a fiddle. Classic push-pull. He's manipulating your hormones and your ego (does he not want me? why doesn't he want me?). The rollercoaster of emotions makes it exciting. That's why the other men aren't interesting -- they're not making you feel big surges of emotion (positive and negative, doesn't matter, it's big and interesting) or presenting mysteries for you to sleuth out (why is he doing this? what's his deal? what will happen next?). Player, player, player. Cut the line, Queen; that ain't a catch.

GrilledAvocado · 2020-02-10T18:11:05+00:00

If you’re okay with that behavior why are you here?

I don’t want to sound rude. However it sounds like you made your mind about him already. He’s only calling you when he wants sex and you’re falling for it thinking he actually likes you, move on. He doesn’t.

You just want one of us to sympathize with you or to validate what you feel for him. This sub isn’t for that. Value yourself and stop being a pick me.

grimreapersdtr · 2020-02-10T23:40:17+00:00

He’s manipulative, and he seems to be good enough at it for you to let down your defenses. Block and move on— this would be the best thing to do in order to protect your sanity and well being.

Title	Oops, I did it again
Author	sealife67
Upvotes	17
Comments	54
Date	February 10, 2020 1:43 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f1iz8y/oops_i_did_it_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/oops-i-did-it-again.682942 https://theredarchive.com/post/682942

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