Reminder: Texting is False Intimacy.

Tinderella80 · 2019-11-14T04:40:33+00:00

This is a really interesting take.

I met a guy and we texted heaps, met in person and there was ZERO spark. But the text convos are great. So we kept texting. Met again. ZERO spark. Decided to be friends. Text every day. It’s nice. But it’s a level of intimacy that I think is stopping him from going out and finding someone he actually has spark with. And tbh it’s stopping me too. But none of that makes the spark be there when it’s not.

I wish I’d seen this advice earlier.

totitiganiisuntgunoi · 2019-11-14T04:42:13+00:00

I don't use Tinder, but the idea stands, I see texting mostly just as a tool to set up real life interactions. If it's a guy I don't know yet, I am only willing to text to make sure he is not absolutely boring and won't waste my time, but as soon as possible I want to get treated to an actual date where I can see what he offers me in person.

s_slayer · 2019-11-14T05:17:10+00:00

If you allow the “relationship” to exist through texting, don’t expect a whole lot. Simply don’t accept what is indeed false intimacy. At the very least, the mature men who have liked me have called me on the phone once in awhile ffs. Let them know you aren’t interested in texting as a substitute for real life interaction. Call me old-fashioned but I’m now very uninterested in men who try to string me along via texting as a means of maybe keeping their options open, not committing, not having to take me anywhere, or commit much time to me. Simply block and move on ladies. Don’t allow them to make you an option. If it doesn’t feel good, move the hell on.

Liz_Lemondrop · 2019-11-14T04:44:48+00:00

Back when I did OLD I always liked to text a guy for at least a week before meeting. It was a good way of finding out if he had any redpill/conservative leanings, if he was going to ask for nudes or some other dumb shit before I wasted time on a date. It also kind of forces men to form at least a bit of a "connection" to you because they have to actually read, absorb and respond to your words instead of focusing on your appearance. But the drawback of that is with texting you make the mistake of projecting a personality onto a guy that isn't there irl.

abicus4343 · 2019-11-14T14:54:11+00:00

Yup, guys can use us to fulfill their need for intimacy over text and then watch porn for their sexual needs. They get everything they want, zero investment or effort. Meanwhile we think we are building a relationship that will develop into something more, it never will.

modernmedusaa · 2019-11-14T12:33:59+00:00

yep get him on the phone calls from day one

its waaaay too easy for men to plate several women at a time texting- much harder for them to ring you constantly if they are with other women

lvioletsnow · 2019-11-15T21:05:10+00:00

I realized this the hard way after a month of chatting with some guy years ago. I broached the topic of maybe getting together sometime soon. A joking, 'Hey, if you ask me out I'll do you the honor of accepting! winkwink'. Removed all risk and fear of rejection for him, since I knew he was shy.

His response? Something to the effect of 'Oh, you'll be waiting a while. Haha.'

If y'all could have seen my damn face. I think he realized he'd blown it later that day, since he started trying to love bomb me but I was over it. Not in the empowered woman way, but just plain mortified. My pride was so wounded. 😂

fistfulloftosca · 2019-11-14T15:47:34+00:00

I wish Nicole would adopt some FDS. She's such a libfem sometimes. If she toned down the sexuality I think she'd fare better.

Bluesiderug · 2019-11-15T00:35:53+00:00

What is it that guys get out of texting? A little bit of external validation? A quick pick me up? Is it really enough emotional intimacy for them (if it isn’t enough for us? Like are their needs lower than ours by so much?)

myrtlebtch · 2019-11-14T15:30:56+00:00

[deleted]

fairycanary · 2019-11-14T15:50:48+00:00

[deleted]

Deadgirl1888 · 2019-11-14T19:16:09+00:00

OMG this is great advice. So many lonely fuck boys LOVE to just text and put in 0 effort. It's a huge red flag.

chataries · 2019-11-14T13:56:32+00:00

So true, I told a friend this but yet she still waste time texting these guys. I don't text unless it's to confirm a yes or no answer.

GrayPillGirl · 2019-11-15T02:42:29+00:00

I'm surprised that so many of my friends hate talking to guys on the phone because it is awkward or something. HUGE green flag for me when a guy wants to call me instead of texting. If nothing else it proves they can pay attention to you for more than 5 second increments.

Ffs many of my friends meet guys they never talked to once.

Title	Reminder: Texting is False Intimacy.
Author	Liz_Lemondrop
Upvotes	156
Comments	39
Date	November 14, 2019 4:35 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dw49zh/reminder_texting_is_false_intimacy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/reminder-texting-is-false-intimacy.688443 https://theredarchive.com/post/688443

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