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superheroxnerd
[–]pineycitrusforestFDS Apprentice296 points297 points298 points 5 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
It's more about the fact that you made money and progressed in your career while your wife raised your kids and will now have to start from total scratch as an older woman even though she was just as busy- excuse me, BUSIER- supporting you and taking care of everything and everyone in the house the entire time.
[–]WchijafmFDS Newbie162 points163 points164 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This. Unpaid labor in a marriage is recognized as the contribution it was/is during a divorce. One of the parents had to sacrifice for the household and family and that cripples life long earning potential.
[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie134 points135 points136 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. That’s why after 20 years of marriage I’m getting 10 years of alimony. Even the courts recognize there’s no way he would have achieved what he has without my support.
[–]NotSoSmartChickFDS Newbie74 points75 points76 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
My state gives one year for every 3 of marriage. I told my late husband his only escape would be in a body bag, as that was insufficient.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]CarpedictumFDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She said what she said ☠️😁
[–]pineycitrusforestFDS Apprentice47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And then men complain marriage is unfair for them. 🙄
[–]penandfeatherFDS Newbie64 points65 points66 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The only reason I’m not on the hook for 7 years alimony (and half my state pension)to my NVM ex is because he didn’t think to ask for it.
I lucked out there.
Now, if he wasn’t working because he was taking care of kids, or even just cleaning and maintaining the house while I worked to support us, I wouldn’t begrudge him alimony.
But he didn’t. Ole whassisname couldn’t keep a job— and spent the majority of his unemployment smoking weed, playing videogames and feeling sorry for himself. (And thank god we didn’t have kids)
[–]foxorhedgehogFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
OMG you are so lucky your ex is an idiot.
[–]Devils_Tango1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Are you...me?? 😂
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple37 points38 points39 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Yeah alimony is not that common anymore in my country, because most women work during marriage. If they do take time off to stay home with kids, they usually get EI maternity benefits for the first year, and most women don't leave the job market for more than a very few years. It's just not possible to support a family on 1 income. So spousal support after separation is becoming less and less of a thing. Personally I think that's better overall for women, it's better to have been working and making your own money and contributing to retirement. Rather than still being dependent on an ex-husband for years after divorce. I'd rather be DONE with my ex-husband, not still having to watch for a cheque from him every month, yuck!
[–]pickadaisyFDS Apprentice24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
A few years or even a year off work in the U.S. can harm a woman’s career for ten or so years.
[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. I did work but I couldn’t do what my ex husband did with his career because I didn’t have a wife like he did. That’s why I’m getting alimony. Not because I don’t work and need to depend on his checks, but because I own some of his success. He did not do that alone.
[–]lilneccowaferFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
They really reap the benefits of having a spouse who manages the family finances, is in charge of childcare 24/7, cleans the home regularly, and way more...and then cry about alimony! Whoooo tf do they think they are? Do they really think they'd be equally successful without someone to manage their daily stressors like a messy home, dinner, children, finances, and everything else?? I swear ALL these mfs do is work a normal job and think that's all they have to put forward in a relationship 😂 yo that isn't even half of it buddy! No concept of emotional or unpaid labor.
[–]pickadaisyFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They are trying to gaslight the fuck out of us. They play all these games socially to act like they are victims. Maybe if they paid accordingly in effort or money during a marriage, they wouldn’t be in this situation!
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Well in Canada it’s very normal to take a year’s mat leave 🤷♀️
[–]pickadaisyFDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Here in the US, a lot of consider Canada way better at things. 💛💛
[–]WatzooFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The lucky folks in the US get six weeks paid leave for a v-birth, 8 weeks for a cesarean birth. But it’s not mandatory, so some people get zero maternity leave, or leave that’s unpaid.
After that truly brutal 6-week experience, I said no more kids unless we move to Canada. We did not move to Canada. I did not have more kids.
[–]kitten_binocularsFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is insane to me. I'm from France and now live in Canada. In France nurses can come to your house to help you with the baby and even lightly clean and perhaps cook meals for you.
So most Americans will put their 6 week-old baby in the daycare all day? That must be emotionally difficult and a huge daily stress to get the baby from home to daycare. I do not have kids but I was an au pair and hated having to take young babies somewhere. It was so much work to even go to the grocery store.
[–]WatzooFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly, it was insane to me as an American living it. Inhumane.
Yes, the ask is that you put your six week old in care. That said, many child care places have other limits on how young the baby can be (10 weeks-3 months seems to be normal). It was brutal - my child wasn’t sleeping well and I spent most of my work day that first week crying in the bathroom looking at baby pictures. My neighbor’s mother immigrated here from a developing country where she was married off to a man twice her age when she was 14 then beaten by his mom for years... and she was horrified at how little support I had (and kept coming by to check on me and load my dishwasher, God bless her).
I was wildly lucky in that my husband eventually (around 12 weeks post partum) agreed to a part-time nanny that we could actually afford, my employer offered insurance and six paid weeks off, and my boss eventually (when baby was 8 weeks old) agreed to let me work from home three days a week. Otherwise, I’m not sure I could have stayed in the work force, and I love my job. It slowed my career and was a horribly stressful arrangement that contributed to a chronic illness and post-partum anxiety long term, but well-worth it to not spend 8 hours a day away from my tiny little newborn (then sit up at all hours trying to pump enough to feed baby the next day while at childcare).
If we want to increase birth rates here, humane maternity support and leave will be the most important things for the US to address, in my opinion.
[–]lrpiccoloFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Unless you’re the higher earner. Then you have to pay him...
[–]pickadaisyFDS Apprentice45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Just another reason not to settle for cheap no matter how “cool” you think you are. Men have opportunities falling in their laps and are rewarded for low effort with higher payer. If I’m dating a man below my pay bracket, I’m also dating a man below my effort-standards because it’s too damn easy for men to make money.
[–]lrpiccoloFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Preach. When I got married my husband made significantly more than I did. As soon as I got a couple of promotions under my belt to bump up my salary, he quit his job to become a full-time day-drinker. Just because somebody has a high salary when you’re dating does NOT make him an HVM. If you’re career- and goal-oriented, do NOT date someone who also isn’t actively trying to get ahead in life, even if they currently have more or make more than you!
[–]pinnokinoFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
There’s a video (by Chloe_) on YouTube that speaks about how men will resent you when you make more than him. Many of these men cheat bc they want to feel they’re “providing” for a mistress
[–]lrpiccoloFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh, I totally believe that to be true. He always seemed seemed pissed that I was supporting him and yet wouldn’t actually be bothered to look for a job. I’ll look up that video.
Edit: Oh jeez. That video hit me hard right in the gut. It is too, too true. Man, I wish we had things like FDS around when I was dating in the 80s and 90s. I was so, so clueless for so long.
[–]pickadaisyFDS Apprentice13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So fucking important! I want to partner with someone who wants to get the most out of life. I made a commitment that I’m not only no longer dating men who watch porn, I’m also not dating a guy who plays video games. My ex “occasionally” did and denied being addicted, but eventually he fell off a wagon he was so obviously falling off his whole life.
[–]spreadmywings89FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Because I work in tech, my lowlife stepbrother told me his idea for an app - something that will help men fight against paying alimony and child support. Meanwhile, his wife was raising 3 girls, working a full time great paying job, and had a catering business on the side. He was nearly 40, working as a towel boy in a health club part time.
Yeah, absolutely not helping him with this dumb idea.
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[–]pineycitrusforestFDS Apprentice296 points297 points298 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]WchijafmFDS Newbie162 points163 points164 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie134 points135 points136 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]NotSoSmartChickFDS Newbie74 points75 points76 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]CarpedictumFDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pineycitrusforestFDS Apprentice47 points48 points49 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]penandfeatherFDS Newbie64 points65 points66 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]foxorhedgehogFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Devils_Tango1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple37 points38 points39 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]pickadaisyFDS Apprentice24 points25 points26 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lilneccowaferFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pickadaisyFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]pickadaisyFDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WatzooFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]kitten_binocularsFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]WatzooFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lrpiccoloFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]pickadaisyFDS Apprentice45 points46 points47 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]lrpiccoloFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]pinnokinoFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lrpiccoloFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pickadaisyFDS Apprentice13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]spreadmywings89FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link