Things men do we should start copying (alternative title: What hanging out with boys taught me)

messicanamerican · 2021-03-10T00:15:20+00:00

I grew up with 95% of my friendships being with men. I learned alot from them about being unapologetic about that you want. Accepting myself as I was and putting out the same energy I wanted in return. More than anything I learned self confidence and having a high self esteem. When my relationship ended it was 2 male friends and 2 of my closest female friends that brought me out of all the negativity.

SaturnGirl1989 · 2021-03-09T23:43:33+00:00

Just wanted to add one of my own

CONFIDENCE!!! When I first started out in my career, I had a male manager who I felt was unfit for his role, treated employees like crap, and was in my opinion just plain dumb. But he was trusted by senior management and even got promoted..

At the time, I had no confidence at work, but I saw that, and thought shit, if he can do it, so can I. I made a conscious effort to start acting like I was as confident as he is, and within no time, managers listened to what I had to say, I got better roles, and raises I never even asked for.

If you're 40% there - act like you're 100%, fake it til you make it, and trust your ability to learn. Guys do it, so you can too!

spinsterchachkies · 2021-03-10T00:32:23+00:00

Since I found FDS I have learned if you want to get anywhere (or not be taken advantage of), you need to do these things. Have the confidence of your average white male and you will be ok.

ethnicallyabiguous · 2021-03-10T04:30:11+00:00

I would love to reclaim the word audacity

Audacity n 1 : the quality or state of being audacious: such as

a : intrepid boldness

b : bold or arrogant disregard of normal restraints

We have allowed that word to have such a negative meaning because of LVM and their proclivities towards sexual assault and over all indecency. It’s time that we be audacious and so in touch with our own desires. I like to think I have an arrogant disregard for the normal restraints of a patriarchal society.

Spiritual_Face · 2021-03-10T02:05:52+00:00

This is so true. I feel like adults coddle little girls, more, too, without even thinking about it. We’re delicate flowers where the boys can rough and tumble. So much of our growing up is about looks, being clean, un-scraped, wearing the “right” thing so we don’t get in trouble at school, looking and acting certain ways so we don’t get assaulted.

Fiebre · 2021-03-10T00:20:24+00:00

I wish I could tap into that source of confidence. How and where tf they get it so early? I've got a video of a family game where my little male cousin who was about 3-5 at the time for no reason at all blurted out super confidently 'I guess I'm going to win this one'. It's not even like he was spoiled or overly praised, on the contrary. And yet! (He's still exactly the same way, 20+ years later)

Sewud · 2021-03-10T07:48:56+00:00

I also noticed that in a group of boys even the scapegoat one that all the other boys bullied as a joke was wildly overconfident in his abilities and generally liked himself. The same goes for the unpopular boys who get bullied at school still being really arrogant. There's like nothing that makes men think they aren't smart and awesome.

Protoetype · 2021-03-10T00:45:41+00:00

I'd like to add to the idea of confidence..

Ladies, we lack the comfort men have in their own skin because we are (usually) clean people who care about being presentable to others.

I was a backpacker. I spent days on the road, not showering, not shaving my body hair, dried period blood on my hands. Gross right? Yes. I felt ugly, I felt disgusting but eventually I stopped caring and there is a freedom in not needing to feel pretty. I'm not suggesting that you should be as extreme as I was, but stop being grossed out by your own bodies! Stop feeling that shame. Learn to be happy feeling "ugly"

There is a happy medium and with it comes comfort

her-vagesty · 2021-03-10T10:02:04+00:00

Live your truth. You want marriage, say it. Want kids, say it. If he doesn't then be like "ok then" and move on. Even for small differences, never let him be able to say "why did you stay with me if you weren't happy with how I was?". Never try to change a man, he won't, he's comfortable with who he is and if you don't like aspects about him then that's a you problem, find someone else or learn to live with it. Always realise that there is better out there. He may be the best man you've ever met and perfect in all ways, but there's always going to be better, so don't worry about breaking up.

This is how men think about women unless they're controlling (regarding the trying to change someone) or liars (telling you what you want to hear so you stay e.g. "yes I'd love to get married too" and then a proposal never comes), or insecure (staying with you even though they don't see a future).

Live your truth, stick to your standards, and don't be afraid to end things or be alone. You only get one life, don't spend it with someone who makes you unhappy.

Flappy44 · 2021-03-10T06:57:47+00:00

Agree with number three 100%. In my view, I don’t owe anyone directions, a hello, a response, or eye contact unless I know and trust them. Ask me for money? You might as well be speaking to a brick wall. Make a rude or sexist comment? Bounced right off me and I didn’t even glance in your direction. Strangers are no one to me and they don’t get through my personal force field unless I choose to make contact and it serves me in some way. My first priority is self-protection and personal peace. I don’t have to be nice or kind or acknowledge anybody, and that goes for women who seem off, too.

SayNad · 2021-03-10T19:53:54+00:00

Don't take anything too personally, especially at work. Guys don't care if they accidentally offend someone by talking too rudely or something, or making mistakes. They'll be like, "oh well" and go on with their day. Women tend to take too much responsibility over everything and agonize over ever small details. STOP. DOING. THAT. Stop taking in unnecessary stress and guilt when the person you are feeling guilty over, probably forgot about it immediately after.
Learn to be lazy and slow down. Guys are pro at this and this is why you end up in a one-sided labor "relationship". They are lazy and they don't care - they know their hardworking partner will do it for them anyway. Stop being the one who will instantly deep clean everything - slow down and give yourself a rest. Let them be. Just clean your own things and forbid him from entering your space. They'll learn to clean after themselves eventually.
Learn to be quietly stubborn. Guys are downright master at "in one ear, out the other" and keep doing the shit they want to do anyway. I master this one from a young age and let me tell you - (especially for women because you are "suppose to obey") people will nag you to death and even try stupid shit to stop you from doing what you want (happened to me, it was literally a soap opera) - in one ear, out the other. Do the shit and then just do the blank face when people get mad. Do the shit. People will hate you, ostracize you, gaslight you, yell at you - keep doing the shit. No need to say anything, no need to defend yourself, no need to argue, just keep doing the shit. Walk your road, chase your dreams, do the thing you want to do. Eventually they'll get so tired and frustrated with your thick skull they'll just say, "ughh, you are so stubborn," and you'll get your way.

Patriarchy wants you to keep being the stressed gal who has to make sure every single little thing is right and perfect, and cares too much about what other people's opinion on you. STOP. THAT. get lazy, get indifferent, relax and slow down. Your life won't be over just because you don't get the perfect shade of wall paint or something. Who cares about what people are saying behind your back - that's just how they are, you don't need to do shit and they'll still be talking. Life isn't perfect, and you shouldn't have to be.

You have goals to meet, hobbies to do, friends to make. Who cares about what some shallow scrotes and pickmes are saying behind your back anyway.

Title	Things men do we should start copying (alternative title: What hanging out with boys taught me)
Author	Mcccy
Upvotes	672
Comments	25
Date	March 9, 2021 11:20 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m1j9xl/things_men_do_we_should_start_copying_alternative/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/things-men-do-we-should-start-copying-alternative.752083 https://theredarchive.com/post/752083

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