Think I met HVM, but feeling skeptical about something.

theawkwardalli · 2020-07-31T07:43:54+00:00

You’re getting too invested. You can’t know if he’s a HVM within two weeks. He backtracked when you questioned his “hang out” question because he could tell you weren’t into that. He hasn’t been overly sexual but he’s telling you that you have the sex appeal of a former stripper (and huge pick-me!)? I don’t think that’s a compliment.

Date more men so you’re not too invested and work on seeing through men’s bullshit. You’ve got this!

daisy_0720 · 2020-07-31T10:41:32+00:00

Stop calling him a HVM. It's been two weeks. You don't know him. He 'accepts everything about you'? He doesn't know you. Slow down.

Why are you spending hours on the phone talking to him? You're not in a relationship. You have your own life/hobbies/interests. Stop making him the center of your universe.

You should be going on one date a week, then you should only be talking to him when he reaches out to organize the next date. That's all you owe him at this stage.

I know you say you've leveled up, but there's a lot of PickMe energy in this post. Leveling up is LIFELONG journey and process, it's not a switch you flip where you suddenly become 'High Value.' It comes across as though you're desperate to meet a HVM and you're ready to attach that label to the first guy that comes along. It might take years to find a good man. You may never find one. You should be working on yourself and creating the best possible single life for YOURSELF so you won't be throwing all of your time and emotional energy at a guy you've known for a hot minute.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. But please read the Handbook. And re-read it. If you only recently ditched your LVM, you shouldn't even be thinking about dating right now. Why is there the urgency to be with someone? We're in the middle of global pandemic.

Your instincts are good, because you're on here expressing your doubts. Listen to them. Read the responses here. Don't allow yourself to be blinded by first impressions.

My advice is to slow way down. And instead of focusing so much on what this guy is/isn't doing, start looking inwards and questioning why you seem to be in such a rush to be in relationship/label a near stranger HV. It sounds as though you want to shortcut your way into a relationship with a HVM without doing any of the difficult work, but unfortunately, that just isn't possible. People can take months or years to reveal their true selves. If you're not ready to be putting the energy into vetting and taking the time to slowly get to know someone, then I suggest maybe take a break from dating. Focus on your own hobbies and interests and happiness. If you do still want to see this guy, limit yourself to one date a week. If he's truly HV, he'll respect your need to take things slowly.

But from the tone of your post, I really would urge you to press pause on dating and focus on yourself first.

dzgata · 2020-07-31T07:32:45+00:00

You’re not being too sensitive. What you should do is make it clear you’re not comfortable with that statement and absolutely do not want to be nicknamed cardi. That’s enough for me to distance myself from a dude. Talking about sex appeal and comparing me to some random celebrity. Yuck. I’m turned off just reading that. If you still want to sus him out, clearly tell him what I stated initially and see how he reacts and treats you moving forward. If he displays any other sign I’d drop him permanently.

To be clear, personally I’d drop dude based on those statements alone but idk if you want to sus it out more.

Edit: is he of a different race than you? I get major fetishizing vibes from this.

Hahane · 2020-07-31T09:02:57+00:00

When I talk about a new guy to a friend and use the superlatives only, she would raise her brows and ask: Are you sure? Not because he can't be all of this but because of my narratives. It means I'm loosing my control and have my pink glasses on 100%. It means I want to defend him in front of my very own eyes. So slow down and ask yourself whether he really is that great or you want him to be that great. I would be very sceptical for now. The Cardi B thing shouldn't be ignored ("but aside from this, he's great!") - no exception from the very start. And one more thing - you can't really know how he is after such a short time.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-07-31T07:55:05+00:00

I get a gut feeling from reading this.

I feel like the hanging out was just a shit test and he corrected himself reaaal fast;
Talking for hours on the phone is a no-no;
When he says that you should say it when you don't like any thing he does, its a red flag to me. Most HVM would assume they wouldn't do things that offend you and if they did they would expect to get checked on it. Verbalizing it in this manner seems almost like he is trying your boundaries and tries to get you to open up about your likes and dislikes so he can play the part of the perfect boyfriend. He's looking for a manual instead of being his authentic self because he thinks you might find him offensive or not a match;
You're amazed by him? You're invested already this early in (let's be real) the talking stage of dating? I think that is a very dangerous thing.
Feel's like he's really trying to hard being perfect. He says he want's a healthy relationship? Anyone who uses the words 'boundaries', 'healthy relationship' and so on seems like bad news to me. People who have boundaries or are actually familiar with healthy relationships don't feel the need to express them to the one they're dating;
Him calling you Cardi B lookswise but in the same breath degrading her personality seems like straight up fetishizing and a neg combined to me.
The fact that you feel the need to write a post about him on FDS also speaks volumes. Listen to your gut.

Start dating some other guys (no hooking up, just talking and maybe dinner) and see how this feels.

waddamelone · 2020-07-31T10:51:08+00:00

He seems to talk the talk. But you have never met him/experienced him so you don’t know if he walks the walk. He could say and promise any- and everything. Men can keep up a facade for weeks but eventually they’ll show their real face. Up until then you won’t know if he’s a HVM or a clown. But please don’t be head over heels for someone you don’t know. It’s only gonna hurt you in the end and he won’t care.

powerline2500 · 2020-07-31T11:49:31+00:00

Honestly he sounds cunning. A lot of guys shoot themselves in the foot by implementing PUA tactics, and doing generally offensive, lazy and creepy behaviors without the awareness to figure out why they fail with women.

This one is smarter at playing the game. He didnt offer to hang out "just because its what guys say" he did it to test if you would fall for it, and when you texted back "hang out?" you inadvertently told him to change tactics and so he did, immediately.

Then to further go on and explain to you "why men ask to hang out" smacks of mild manipulation. One of those "Im not like other guys" bullshit moves. Most guys attempt at manipulating women is them bumbling around and telling on themselves. This guy is smoother than them. But a snake just the same.

He realized youre not going to tolerate low effort or disrespect immediately and then altered his behavior accordingly. Rather than approaching you from a place of respect in the first place. Thats the difference. Never trust a person that tests the waters first.

A person that doesnt play games, wants a healthy relationship comes correct immediately.

Like others have said, tap the breaks. Slow down. Reduce communication. He sounds like he is telling you exactly what you want to here (and its working). Because he is likely really good at reading behavior. But if you reduce his access to you, busy yourself with more productive things, I wonder how he will react.

And normal person would understand. Assume you were busy living your life and be fine with it because they have a life as well. A manipulative person will try to draw you back in and when it doesnt work, their mask of niceness and saying the right thing will start to slip.

Find out which one he is.

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-07-31T09:08:48+00:00

Uh, I’m sorry for all Cardi B fans around here, but if anyone compared me to her I’d feel offended TBH. She’s very talented at what she does, but has absolutely no class. And the way she dresses up shows that well (and this is coming from someone who doesn’t give AF about fashion, but even I have my limits).

I wish I had her body though, but that’s pretty much it for me. 😬

_Atalanta_ · 2020-07-31T15:27:39+00:00

I know not everyone on FDS has read or subscribes fully to ‘The Rules’ books recommendations, but I feel it is really important to highlight this point: Talking on the phone ‘for hours’ is NOT A GOOD THING. You want to go ON A DATE, not chit chat indefinitely. My non FDS friends also really think it is great news if you had a loooong phone chat, but The Rules books clearly say no more than 20mins on the phone, otherwise there will not be an incentive for a IRL date.

⚠️Have you been on a date yet? If not, the hours on the phone are just a waste of your time ⚠️

Ps. I recommend the books 😉

AfraidofFollowers · 2020-08-01T19:51:11+00:00

Men are the nicest before the first sexual encounter. Keep vetting men. Single until engaged. If you have to post to get “guidance” than you already see things for what they are... red flags.

sewingmachinesavior · 2020-07-31T12:59:58+00:00

I’m going with so many red flags it looks like an amusement park.

Title	Think I met HVM, but feeling skeptical about something.
Author	Snowmist92
Upvotes	12
Comments	22
Date	July 31, 2020 2:59 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i0zx4g/think_i_met_hvm_but_feeling_skeptical_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/think-i-met-hvm-but-feeling-skeptical-about.720064 https://theredarchive.com/post/720064

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